Pro/Anti

"You Look Like You Want to Take That Back..."

2009-06-25T12:02:00.008-04:00

"Do you want to take that back?" So asked an Eighth Circuit judge of an attorney guilty of making an erroneous statement during oral arguments in what was one of my favorite law school moments from this past year. Watching that was pretty great, and I now redirect that question to Mark McKinnon, because I am pro...

Republican desperation for leadership. For the wonderful unintentional comedy it has provided. The GOP seriously needs to take a chill pill when it comes to finding a voice to challenge Obama. Rush? Sarah P? Kenneth Jindal? Relax, my elephant friends. Someone will emerge. There is time (two years, really) before anointing your 2012 candidate. And at least wait until Barack has committed some sort of major misstep (urrbody know I love our very own Joe Cool in Chief, but in this political climate and with this economic situation, he will).

Anyway, the most recent example of this desperation was produced during the Mark Sanford absurdity/awesomeness. Two days ago, before all the crying in Argentina stuff was revealed and the general public simply had no idea where South Carolina's Governor had gone, Mark McKinnon of the Daily Beast tried to spin Sanford's AWOL status into something positive, even presidential. Today, it reads better than satire. Maybe McKinnon will wait until the actual facts come out before anointing his next savior of the Republican Party. (At least he accepted my offer and took it back. Fine, Mark. Just learn from this.)

Oh, and by the way, when that person arrives, can it be someone more like this? At least I'd have some respect for the opposition.

OK, Enough

2009-06-22T11:25:00.006-04:00

The Truman Show had it all wrong. In today's world, Jim Carrey's character would never be trying to get out after he discovered the truth. He'd be a willing participant. But everyone else in his world would be, too. Reality TV was the first crack in the long-standing idea that people actually desire a certain level of privacy, and now we have things like the following. I am anti...

Boffery.com, and others of that ilk. I mean, it's almost too easy to take shots at something like this. But the WSJ had a nice little op-ed the other day that did a little preaching to my choir. Can't we just return to the good old days, when if you really wanted to make a public laundry list of past sexual partners, you just got their name tatted (and subsequently crossed off) your arm? I guess that's not as much fun as a pie chart that can break down your conquests by hair-color, eye-color, and state of origin.

I Wish I Had More Hands

2009-06-20T12:01:00.012-04:00

So I could give that pizza four thumbs up!

Yesterday was my birfday, and on account of this I've been in Chicago getting wined and dined at only the finest establishments. Now that the fun is over and I'm returning to my student debtor's existence, let's take stock of how I did. I am pro...

Great Lake. GQ just crowned this tiny joint in Andersonville the "best pizza in America." I can't really agree, because I'm not even sure it's the best pizza I've ever had. I think I'm partial to GQ's 6th and 12th placed eateries, personally, in addition to the oft-overlooked "The Spot" (aka Pepe's with the original oven and without the wait) and Modern Apizza. But that's just what four years in Crime Haven will do to you.

Anyway, I digress, and I don't want to give the wrong impression, because this was some pretty exceptional pizza. The Frans and I had the pie with tomato sauce, mozarella, mona cheese, fresh herbs, and pepperoni. This was one of only three options available, the others being (2) crimini mushroom, mona, and black pepper, and (3) a white pie with creme fraiche, pancetta, and spring onion. These all looked and smelled amazing, and we watched every single pizza get handmade one at a time by the co-owner. The amount of care and attention to detail he puts into each pie makes Tiger Woods look like a dilletante at golf. Great Lake also posts exactly where all their ingredients come from (most of them were local); it was like a Michael Pollan wet dream. Anyway, our pizza had hands down, the best pepperoni I've ever tasted, and the mona cheese was mild, fresh, and salty in a really good way. The crust was so good, and I think it can only be tasted to be understood. Not really sure how they get it so perfectly crisp.

However, if you decide to go (and it's definitely worth it) please remember that they're making art at this joint, and they don't really care about you. That's not to say that they're not nice (they are) one just gets the sense that they're sort of indifferent when it comes to their customers. Hence the seating for ten indoors and eight outdoors. That's it. So get there early, and remember that you're not the king here. The pizza is king.

Fion Wine & Spirits. Great dirty martinis, a nice selection of wines, and lots of good classic cocktails. Nice atmosphere, not trying too hard to be something in particular. The Bourbon Old-Fashioned and the Manhattan were excellent. And the Vodka Gimlet was extremely refreshing in its simplicity. Grown man drinks for grown men.

Hopleaf Bar. Nice selection of Belgian and Belgian-style beers. A goblet of the Maredsous was just what the doctor ordered on a hot, muggy night.

I am anti...

Duffy's Tavern. You can read every available criticism or defense of the establishment here. I'll just add that there was some white dude trying to rap when we were there. Cue horrible cover of "Lose Yourself," some half-hearted applause, and a "give it up for yourselves, Duffy's!" Give it up indeed.

How Wacky Was It?

2009-06-17T10:41:00.004-04:00

Just got (got) back (back) from Cali (Cali). Good times all around for my sister's commencement. Of course, unlike my own formal Ivy League steeped in 300+ years of history graduation weekend a few years back, Stanford does things a little differently. While my commencement fun was firmly contained (we were allowed funny hats on Saturday, but there was still a well-regimented march onto Old Campus), this is most assuredly not the California way. I am pro...

The Wacky Walk. Basically, at the appointed hour the school opens the stadium gates to the undergraduates, and they stream onto the field dressed as absurdly as possible, holding funny signs, enacting skits, and dancing around. Spotted: "I can haz job?" signs, several sets of billiard balls, a giant Godzilla, a brontosaurus, several caterpillars, Sumo wrestlers, a collection of fruit (including my sister, a green apple), and my personal favorite, a massive red arrow made of balloons which one student had tied to himself, pointing down, so that his parents would be able to find him amidst the mayhem (useful for pictures, too, no doubt).

I'm not saying I would trade in the grandeur of my four ceremonies in three days, but this seems to capture the Stanford spirit and Cali chill-ness pretty well. Nicely done.

However, the wackiness was not done justice by what followed. (You'll see how clever that sentence was in a moment.) I am anti...

Anthony Kennedy's boring, meandering, and somewhat meaningless commencement address. I was excited to learn one of our Associate Justices was the speaker, and was probably looking forward to this more than your average attendee. So it was a major blow when he got up there and gave a fifteen minute speech in a somewhat halting and not at all listener-friendly manner. It was pretty much bereft of a theme (or maybe it had several vague ones: "the law is really important," "read the Constitution," "protect freedom," "promote America's gen-err-ral prin-suh-pulls"). The only laugh he got was when he talked about how the major cultural influence driving foreign students toward the law is "Legally Blonde." Which is kind of frightening, but I guess not unexpected. Anyway, it was a big letdown.

Shakety Shake Shakes

2009-06-10T11:31:00.006-04:00

Urrbody know I love them Harlem Shakes. And for selfish reasons, too. The bigger they get, the more cred I get for saying "hey, I actually know a couple of those guys." Unlike Morrissey, I don't actually hate it when my friends become successful.

But regardless of my own self-serving motivation for buying all their discography (TH now on vinyl) and whoring myself out in their extremely comfortable t-shirts, the simple fact remains: Harlem Shakes are* a fantastic band. And if you get the chance to see them live, take it. This is because their new album is quite good, but they still haven't quite transitioned their live energy (if that's even possible) into a studio recording. One show, and you'll be a believer: I guaransheed it. Anyway, I am pro...

Technicolor Health, their first full-length. I won't waste your time with a full-out review, but here are some highlights:

Harlem Shakes: Strictly Game
Harlem Shakes: Sunlight
Harlem Shakes: Nothing But Change, Pt. I (Bonus Track) There's a UGK shout-out! Clearly, this was made for me. Also, as of posting, you can't find this song on one of those back-alley elbo.ws blogs, so buy the album!

Passion Pit, their current tour-buddies. I realize this puts me in good company along with Kanye West, Mike Skinner, Katy Perry, and oh, just about every music blogger alive today. But feel free to believe the hype, with a pinch of flaky sea salt because this is your ideal fun and entertaining summer album. (But no more, no less, as far as I can tell.) For your listening enjoyment:

Passion Pit: Little Secrets

The aural equivalent of jumping into one of those childhood ballpits, only instead of those small plastic balls, it has those enormous exercise balls. Plus, the floor of the pit is a trampoline. And it's filled with friendly kangaroos. And a children's choir, too.

* Or should I say "is?" Help me out here; writing about English football clubs in the plural (as is proper) is clearly messing with my grammar.

Run It Up the Flagpole...

2009-06-09T08:57:00.007-04:00

Mike Skinner, a.k.a. The Streets, is one of our generation's great lyricists and visionary musicians. Though he's a slightly funny looking white guy with a heavy British accent (see left*), he's responsible for two of the best hip hop/electronica/British garage/grime/whatever albums of this decade: Original Pirate Material and A Grand Don't Come for Free. Or rather, two of the best albums of the decade in any genre, and it's much easier to say that than to make attempts at pigeonholing his sound. Unfortunately, his most recent two albums (the first of which I showered with perhaps undue praise here in 2006) have been less than stellar.

However, he's shown a remarkable return to form lately, and accordingly, I am pro...

The Twitter Album. In the past few months, Skinner has made available through his twitter eleven songs free of charge. And frankly, most of them are a lot better than Everything Is Borrowed, his most recent official offering, which while often insightful, ended up somewhat stiff and (dare I say it) overproduced. No financial issues hanging over his head (no need for a single, for instance) + the self-enforced time constraints of putting out a new song every couple days = excellence. I recommend: "Trust Me," "See If They Salute," and "Outside Inside." But it's all very enjoyable.

The Skinimixes are what you get when you have someone who (a) listens to all genres of music with (b) an unerring ear for both hot new stuff and forgotten classics and who (c) has a ton of high-tech mixing equipment and (d) probably too much free time. On his blog/website, Skinner has provided no fewer than eleven (and counting) of these mixes (again, free). There are certainly worse ways to soundtrack twenty-five to forty minute blocks of your life, and few better. Cop that ish.

First, 'ave a taste:

Skinimix 8 (Holler at that Susan Boyle Intro!)
Skinimix 5
The Streets: Trust Me

*For the record, he is not that tall, and I, though short, am not that short. We're standing on steps, because I basically ran up and stopped him on his way into his trailer during Bonnaroo 2006. My friend Paul G used to say that one should never meet one's heroes, but how else are you going to get a picture with them in which they appear slightly put-out and annoyed with you? Maybe he would have been happier if I wore a Birmingham Citeh shirt.

Recusal Refusal Cleverness

2009-06-08T11:13:00.011-04:00

And we're (I'm) back. Because it's summer, because I need an occasional break from the Institutional First Amendment, and because Jason Paré asked so nicely about six months ago (he was the only one, but hey).

Also, something weird happened with the formatting of this blog shortly before I shut down operations. So past posts are a bizarre mishmash of topics and are often hard to read. I promise they didn't used to be like that, but I'm too lazy to fix it and nobody cares anyway, so let's move on. Today, something law-related.

I am pro...

John Roberts, specifically, for his excellent dissent in Caperton v. Massey, the decision of which was just announced today. The case is of greater interest to me than your everyday ho-hum SCOTUS decision because of its starring role on my Civil Procedure Exam, so that's why I'm talking about it. For some background on the case and its significance, get your learn on here. I don't have major beef with Kennedy's majority opinion; after all, any judge worth his salt would have immediately recused himself on the facts of this case. Practically, it becomes a choice of evils, and whether you agree with Kennedy or Roberts might depend on whether you're more uncomfortable with scenario (A) in which judges are allowed to adjudicate disputes in which they owe their current position, at least in part, to one of the litigants, or (B) in which litigants do everything they can to dig up potential appearances of bias (even where the judge is actually impartial) in order to stall litigation or get what they perceive to be a more favorable judge.

But it also has to do with whether you think that the Due Process Clause should cover "probability of bias" and not just situations where the judge has a clear financial interest. Roberts is more convincing here. He correctly notes the dangerously vague standards that have now become part of a Due Process analysis with the majority's opinion. He lists no fewer than forty different questions that will have to be determined by each lower court whenever any appearance of bias is claimed, and then, as if to highlight the absurdity of the vagueness, remarks that "these are just a few uncertainties that quickly come to mind." Biting, understated brilliance.

But I am anti...

John Roberts, generally, for his utter failure to live up to the "moderate" approach he promised during his confirmation hearings. The New Yorker's Jeffrey Toobin does a good job documenting Roberts' jurisprudence thus far. Basically, it gives some solid definition to that vague sense I had that our Chief Justice has brought a very clear ideological bent to his work. I guess it's not a big surprise, but I had high hopes, and if anything, he seems to be even more of an ideologue than his predecessor (Rehnquist), for whom I still harbor a grudging respect.

Antonin Scalia, more often than not, and most recently for his lazy little dissent in Caperton. I guess the brevity is explained by the fact that Roberts had voiced most of the arguments quite well, but Nino just couldn't resist getting one of his clever little digs in. This time, he quotes the Talmud and then remarks that "[d]ivinely inspired text may contain the answers to all earthly questions, but the Due Process Clause most assuredly does not." Yeah, it's not bad, but it just smacks of trying too hard.

Temporarily Closed

2008-03-10T16:41:00.004-04:00

Specialization is for insects.
-Robert A. Heinlein

The Smart Stuff

The Football

The Lists

The Apartment

This Is Bullsh*t

2008-02-02T13:15:00.002-05:00

I am awakened from my month-long slumber to pass judgment on something I am extremely anti...

This breaking news. Apparently, SpyGate didn't start and end with the Jets game this season. According to an unnamed source (sounds a bit sketchy, I know, but let's hear this out), the Pats had one of their employees film the Rams game walkthrough the day before Super Bowl XXXVI. Now, there's no proof (yet) that the coaches ever saw this tape. But what else was the team going to do if it had film detailing slowed-down versions of the plays St. Louis planned to run the following day? What a surprise, then, that the Pats managed to stifle the Greatest Show on Turf for three quarters during said game.

That loss hurt (see "Masochism,"don't bother with the rest) more than any sports related feeling I've ever had. Since then, I've had plenty of time to heal. Rather than make me feel better, though, this news just makes me feel worse. It still pisses me off that the "genius" defensive schemes that Belichick employed during that game involved borderline holding and/or pass interference on just about every down. Yet I was basically OK with the standard narrative: high-flying favorite comes in cocky and gets upset by budding HOF QB, best clutch kicker, and greatest head coach of all time. But now that this news has broken, I don't really know what to think. One can't really discount the value of knowing an opponent's playbook before facing them (see Jon Gruden vs. his old Oakland Raiders team in Super Bowl XXXVII), and it makes sense that Martz might have realized something was wrong and made the adjustments to get the game tied up in the 4th Quarter.

As for the authenticity of this report, either way, the news makes me sad for the sport. If this is just an attempt to rattle the Pats before their game tomorrow, it's truly shameful. That seems pretty doubtful, though. If, more likely, this news is true, it still doesn't give the Rams the Championship they deserve. Instead, it merely taints the legacy of what would otherwise be considered the greatest dynasty in NFL history. Everyone loses.

Is Cesc the New C. Ronaldo?

2007-12-30T13:07:00.000-05:00

Not for the right reasons, though. I am anti...

Cesc's on the pitch attitude. At first, I found it refreshing. It seemed like a sign of maturity and passion to see Fabregas make it clear he would not be bullied on the pitch. The trash talk and the physical play were things that Arsenal probably needed to add to their game. But now, it's threatening to overshadow his incredible level of play. I'm worried that his recent petulance and proclivity for making a meal out of the slightest contact is going to earn him a reputation like Ronaldo's. It wasn't long ago that he was calling players out for similar antics.

The second half against Everton was a perfect example of this new bad behavior; after Arteta brushed his face with an elbow (which was admittedly clumsy and a foul), he went to ground like he'd been shot and got the Everton midfielder sent off. Making it worse is the fact that he and Arteta are teammates for Spain and apparently good friends. Soon after, he got a yellow for a pretty reckless challenge that was somewhat familiar to his completely unnecessary (though, admittedly satisfying) tackle on Ashley Cole.

Don't get me wrong. He and Ronaldo are the best players in the Premier League. But Cesc needs to be careful not to emulate the Portugal international's diving, cheating ways, or he'll lose the respect he's earned from even rival fans. At any rate, it pisses me off.

I am pro...

The rejuvenated Sheva. Who is this new Chelsea striker and what have they done with Andriy "I'm so old and useless, send me back to Italy" Shevchenko? I mean, he hasn't been a world-beater, but starting with the game against Arsenal, he's consistently looked a lot more dangerous up front.

The indestructible Richard Dunne. Man City's secret weapon, and maybe the most underrated defender in the EPL. Today he singlehandedly prevented two goals against Liverpool to keep City's undefeated home record intact. Defensive performance of the year.

Dudu the hitman. By that, of course, I mean Arsenal's very own Eduardo da Silva. He finally got his league start against Everton, and my goodness was it impressive. Everyone knew what he could do in Europe and the Carling Cup, but there were still doubts about how he'd perform in a physical Premier League game. Well, question answered. Turns out his size doesn't matter that much because if you give him the ball anywhere in front of goal, he transforms into a cold-blooded assassin. Two surgical finishes to put Arsenal top of the league, and I mean clinical. Love, LOVE the no-celebration, too.

West Ham. Thank you very much.

Faux-Indie Paradise

2007-12-28T12:51:00.000-05:00

There's been a lot of love on this blog recently, what with my favorite albums and songs of the year. Now it's time for a little hate. Well, not so much hate as mild disapproval and confusion over the hype, because I am anti...

Juno. I really should have gone with my gut on this one. When I saw the preview in a movie theater, something just didn't sit right. Getting a little taste of the snarky dialogue and the precious soundtrack, I forgot where I was and actually said aloud "wow, that is trying way too hard," which got me a dirty look from the person next to me. I soon forgot about this, though, when I saw the critical adoration that's been lavished on the film. Being a slave to authority, I went and saw it, and tried desperately to enjoy it. I really did want to like it. I failed.

Juno is not in any way a real person. No sixteen year old acts, thinks, or sounds like her. And I know it's the movies, but this gets obnoxious pretty quickly. Her character, and the movie as a whole, is stuffed full of prepackaged quirkiness and eccentricity just for the hell of it. A hamburger phone? (It wasn't enough just to show it, either; she had to inform a person at one point that she was using it.) A baby half-sister named Liberty Bell? An ending in which the characters insist on singing the entirety of a duet to one another that we've heard throughout the film? Jesus Christ. Good thing there aren't any black people (or any other color besides white for that matter) around so that the characters can use ridiculous urban slang in an ironic and slightly derisive way. The name-dropping (while admittedly good names) gets old almost instantaneously. Oh, look at me, my favorite song is a Sonic Youth cover of The Carpenters. Kill yourself.

I know I'm full of haterade, but I'll concede that there are fun parts, and if you can suspend your disbelief with the characters and the situation, some of the dialogue is enjoyably witty. Michael Cera and Jason Bateman will always be funny. There's even some feeling during the second part of the movie, but most of it stems from the great performance turned in from Jennifer Garner. In the end, though, this movie is the film equivalent of an Urban Outfitters. You'll find things you like and that are worthwhile, but it's hard to get over the fact that it's a commercialized product trying to pass itself off as indie, off-beat, and at times, so lame that it's cool. Except it's not cool, it's actually just lame.

I don't like to end on such a bitter note, so I'll just quickly tell you what I am pro...

Control. Awesome, awesome film. The acting is so fantastic you think you're watching a documentary most of the time. Everyone already knows the ending, but it stays engrossing to the finale nonetheless. Though one might be worried about the music taking center stage, the soundtrack is used to perfection and never drowns out the narrative arc of the story. Tony Kebbell as Rob Gretton, Joy Division/New Order manager, steals every scene he's in. Sam Riley is a revelation as Curtis, and all the actors playing the band do a fantastic and faithful reproduction of Joy Division's songs. (Although, as my friend Jose noted, it's not terribly difficult to do a half-decent Ian Curtis impression.) For the record, the scene where Curtis walks to the employment agency is probably my favorite movie moment of the year. So yeah. This is a good movie.

Can't Leave Well Enough Alone

2007-12-27T15:09:00.001-05:00

Before the year ends, I just wanted to throw in my final two cents on what I am pro...

My first annual "Best Songs" list. Same format as the albums. [Note: These might be my favorite songs, but that doesn't translate to being the year's most played. iTunes never lies.]

Deserving of Recognition (Apologies to)

"I Get Money" (50 Cent)
"History Song" (The Good, the Bad & the Queen)
"What We Had" (Handsome Furs)
"A Bay Bay" (Hurricane Chris)
"Lip Gloss" (Lil' Mama)
"Mistaken for Strangers" (The National)
"Bros" (Panda Bear)
"All I Need" (Radiohead)
"Crank That (Soulja Boy)" (Soulja Boy)
"You've Got Yr. Cherry Bomb" (Spoon)

The Best Songs of 2007

10. "I'm a Flirt (Remix)" (R. Kelly)
R. Kelly continues to flaunt his freedom to the authorities with another audacious song about sexual conquest. Gentlemen, beware: your chick may be the next one getting "rained on" by the King of R&B.

9. "1234" (Feist)
The video is great and Feist has a lovely voice, but it's the lyrics that make this song a true gem. She hits the nail on the head with a look back into the world of teenage crushes. Instant nostalgia for those long-ago or not so long-ago unrequited loves.

8. "Keep the Car Running" (Arcade Fire)
Urgent, powerful stuff, this. It's pretty much the best Bruce Springsteen song he didn't write. So much so, in fact, that the Boss insisted on covering it with the band, and that's a pretty high compliment. Of course, he KILLS it. [Note: I love the guy's reaction to hearing the opening chords.]

7. "Paper Planes" (M.I.A.)
A song that started as a joke about her problems getting a visa to enter the USA. What's the last thing a U.S. immigration official wants to hear? Well, according to Miss Arulpragasam, it would probably be "all I want to do is come and take your money" accompanied by the sound of a gun being fired repeatedly. Throw it on top of Diplo's brilliant remix of The Clash's "Straight to Hell" and you've got pure gold.

6. "International Player's Anthem (I Choose You)" (UGK)
Three of the best rappers alive (four, at the time). The beat is tailored for each MC. The sample is literally perfect. And it's the last major single featuring Chad Butler. R.I.P.

5. "Boyz" (M.I.A.)
The first single from an album that really should have made the cut for top ten. (In my defense, The Besnard Lakes set the bar low with their stupid name and stunned me by actually being good.) At any rate, this track disguises a political message about the abundance of potential terrorist recruits around the third world ("how many no-money boys are crazy... how many start a war?") with a banging club beat and a party feel. Only M.I.A. could pull it off, and she does in spectacular, fake-crowd pleasing style.

4. "D.A.N.C.E." (Justice)
Daft Punk copying, Michael Jackson-inspired, Frenchy dance music with little kids singing and occasionally straining to hit the high notes. Doesn't sound very good when you describe it like that, but try and disobey the lyrics whenever it comes on in the club.

3. "Umbrella" (Rihanna)
Ella, ella, ey, ey, ey. The song that won over everyone and their mother (mine included) with its irresistibly catchy hook and (possibly?) seductive lyrics. Extra props for the potential adultery going on behind the making of this song. Oh Hova, why must you stray?

2. "Someone Great" (LCD Soundsystem)
Here, Murphy turns what was a great instrumental blurb on his epic "45:33" into a self-aware and surprisingly touching look at how one reacts to the loss of a loved one. As he narrates over the plodding beat, a glockenspiel framing every word, Murphy and the listener arrive together at the realization that it's not just the loss that hurts, but the fact that one's own life must continue on. The world at large will take no time to grieve. Someone close to you dies, you go through the worst breakup in history, but the sun still shines, the coffee still satisfies, and work still calls out to be done. Someday you too will be gone, but for others, not a lot will really change. Scary stuff, done beautifully right.

1. "All My Friends" (LCD Soundsystem)
Getting older? Losing touch with friends? Wish you could get them all together one last time to dance the night away? So does James Murphy. Unsure about the decisions you've made to get where you are? Missing the boredom and freedom from responsibility that comes hand in hand with youth? So is James Murphy. As he did on "Someone Great," Murphy stays away from his usual overly self-conscious, snide persona to offer a truly earnest look at what every person deals with as they get older. Trying to explain the dead-on accuracy and emotional power of the song is pretty difficult, so I'll just say it's the best song I've heard in a long time and leave it at that.

So, there you go. Happy New Year, and may 2008 be as musically fruitful as its predecessor.

We Hate Tottenham

2007-12-21T10:19:00.000-05:00

First of all, nice to see some love for the Arse in a recent ESPN article. Aside from that and sitting on top of the League, I am pro...

Arsenal's draw for the Champions League. AC Milan: reigning champions of Europe and holders of the Club World Cup, boasting the best player in the world. The most formidable team in European competition over the last decade, if not longer. And now, Arsenal's first obstacle in the knockout stages. So how is this a good thing?

1. Their league form. When you take a closer look, Milan's good results in the CL seem to be an aberration when compared to their form elsewhere. They're currently 11th in the Serie A, having lost to sides like Palermo and Empoli and settled for draws with Fiorentina, Siena, Parma, Catania, and Torino. Those aren't the results of a dominant side.

2. Their age. Yes, they're stacked with superstars. Kaka has been deservedly acclaimed as player of the year, and Dida, while prone to occasional wildness, is a fine keeper. However, Maldini (39), Cafu (37), and Inzaghi (34) are all old, no two ways about it. Even Seedorf (31), Gattuso (29), Jankulovski (30), and Ambrosini (30) have shown some signs of slowing.

3. We'd have to play a huge team at some point, anyway. So why not the biggest name now? Barcelona and Man U may in actuality be the most dangerous clubs, but Milan still commands respect. If we can get past the reigning champs, confidence will be sky high. And if the results don't go Arsenal's way...

4. There's nothing to lose. Milan are known for their European success. There'd be no shame in losing to them (which we won't), unlike the unexpected knockout against PSV last year. Besides, Wenger has always made it clear that the League is his priority, and this would give him more of an opportunity to focus on getting results there.

At any rate, it looks set to be a great matchup. The young promise of Arsenal vs. the proven veterans of Milan. Two of the best midfielders in the world in Kaka and Fabregas. The best "bulldog" possession midfielders in the game face off in Flamini and Gattuso. Two attacking styles pitted against one another. I can't wait.

As blasphemous as it may sound to fellow Arsenal fans, at the moment Milan doesn't concern me half as much as a certain North London team. I am anti...

Arsenal playing Tottenham for the second time so early in the season. Tomorrow is the North London Derby. The last result at White Hart Lane was a thriller and a joy to watch (unless you were this guy) and really kicked Arsenal's title hopes into high gear. Unfortunately, I won't be able to watch the second meeting at the Emirates due to travel. But why am I worried?

1. They haven't beaten us in forever. 1999, to be exact. Since then, Arsenal are unbeaten in ANY competition against their rivals. You'd think this would be a good thing, and it certainly is a pretty ridiculous accomplishment. It also breeds a lot of resentment in the Tottenham players and fans, though. Since they never win anything, Spurs have to look at this game as their championship. I worry that they'll be playing their hearts out tomorrow.

2. The games are almost always close. At what point will they nick that last-second goal to turn a draw into a win?

3. This isn't the same team we saw in September. For whatever reason, Juande's got them playing with confidence and has shored up their back four. Aside from the hiccup against Birmingham caused by ex-Arsenal player Sebastian Larsson's stunning goal of the season (hilarious), they've had a great string of results to pull them out of the relegation zone and into 12th.

4. Because it wasn't that long ago, the memory of defeat is fresh, and they're pissed. Yeah, that's pretty much it.

I'm a bit reluctant to make a prediction, but I think it'll be a tougher match than many are predicting. Still, Arsenal should win this at home, and Tottenham have a ton of injury issues, so I'll say 2-1. I'm still wary, of course, for all the reasons above, but my head says the eight year run of dominance will continue. I certainly hope so, because if there's one thing I've learned in the past five years, it's that we hate Tottenham.

Out of Absolutely Nowhere...

2007-12-20T12:28:00.000-05:00

I arrive late to the party. I am pro...

My fifth annual "Best Albums" list.

Last year there was an epic two-parter chronicling past and present selections. There was even a lengthy discussion of every album I considered which was NOT included in the top five. This year it's a top ten, but I'm keeping it short but sweet. Ten on the list, ten runners-up, minimal commentary. I don't need to explain myself to you people.

[Note: As always, though, I'd like to briefly revisit last year's choices and ask myself what the hell I was thinking not including Lily Allen or The Hold Steady. Quick listens, favorable impression, short memory. With time, though, it became clear they belonged in the top five, but I can't say what they'd replace. I'm sure this will happen next year, too.]

In the Conversation (Apologies to)

New Magnetic Wonder (The Apples in Stereo)
23 (Blonde Redhead)
From Here We Go Sublime (The Field)
The Good, the Bad & the Queen (The Good, the Bad & the Queen)
Graduation (Kanye West)
Kala (M.I.A.)
Friend and Foe (Menomena)
Boxer (The National)
Hissing Fauna, Are You the Destroyer? (Of Montreal)
UGK: Underground Kingz (UGK)

R.I.P. Pimp C.

The Best Albums of 2007

10. The Besnard Lakes Are the Dark Horse (The Besnard Lakes)
My friend Paul and I used to joke about this band's name, especially due to its (I know it's a stretch, you had to be there) similarity to that of another band we like, The Harlem Shakes. We used to refer to them using a mad lib formula of [two-syllable noun] + [word that ends in "akes"]. Needless to say, that will no longer be happening because when I played their album for the first time, I was stunned. Jaw-dropping, three-guitar hugeness that will blow your mind.

9. The Reminder (Feist)
1, 2, 3, 4... say what you want about the everpresent iPod commercial (great song, for the record); the back to back of "Sealion" and "Past in Present" are the true highlights of this beautiful album, perfectly displaying the breathless urgency in her voice and lyrics.

8. Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga (Spoon)
(Intentionally) stupid name; great album. Another solid and creative effort from Britt Daniel and company. "You've Got Yr. Cherry Bomb" was one of the catchiest singles of the year while "The Ghost of You Lingers" was the best song based on a jangly circular piano riff outside of an offering from a certain James Murphy.

7. In Rainbows (Radiohead)
Yawn. Another fantastic album pushing the boundaries of experimental rock. It's just too easy for them. Thanks to this album and My Bloody Valentine, "All I Need" has officially become my favorite song title of all time. No matter which one it is, whenever it comes up, I'm guaranteed to be satisfied. [Note: I thought of a name for this phenomenon. When two songs by different artists share the same name, we should call it a "songonym." Pretty good, right?]

6. Person Pitch (Panda Bear)
Again, yawn... because this album will actually put you to sleep. Why so highly rated? Because it's stunningly, complexly, and pleasantly boring when guilty of that charge, and simply awesome the rest of the time. "Comfy in Nautica," "Bros," and "Im Not" alone push it into the top ten.

5. Night Falls Over Kortedala (Jens Lekman)
It wasn't, but see here.

4. Andorra (Caribou)
Calls to mind: Brian Wilson. Psychedelia. The Beatles. Heaven. Perfection. The greatest bedroom record masquerading as a 60's supergroup ever made.

3. Da Drought 3 (Lil' Wayne)
The best beats of the past few years and the best rapper alive. What more could one ask for? Weezy firmly etches his name on the throne while giving us the best one-liners of the year on two discs.

2. Sound of Silver (LCD Soundsystem)
James Murphy can sing! And my God, it's glorious. And sometimes heartbreaking, too. Much has been said about the brilliant one-two punch of "Someone Great" and "All My Friends," and deservedly so as they're the two best singles of the year, but pretty much every track on the album is excellent in its own right. James Murphy can sing!

1. Neon Bible (Arcade Fire)
Is it better than Funeral? Probably not. Are the lyrics just the slightest bit clumsy and overwrought at times? Yeah, I think so. But is it the most consistently outstanding album of the year? Absolutely. The mourning of Funeral has made way for an accusatory, and at times paranoid protest album that has its finger on the pulse of North American society. It's bold, beautiful, and has drawn some comparisons to rock's luminaries (Talking Heads, Joy Division, Bruce Springsteen!) while staying firmly out of their shadows with a unique, unmistakable sound. Their live shows are not so much concerts as religious experiences. Make no mistake, Arcade Fire are the heirs to the Radiohead throne. All hail the best band in the world.

Note to Self...

2007-10-02T00:18:00.001-04:00

Don't EVER count out the Rockies. Ever. My goodness. I am pro...

The Rockies being on a mission from God. Seriously. Let me amend those picks (again).

Rockies over Phillies.
Cubs over D'backs.
Rockies over Cubs.
Rockies over Red Sox.

And then, they'll play Team Universe and win it with a five run rally in the bottom of the 20th inning. In all seriousness, I think they'll only get as far as the NLCS; I still like the Cubs to do something special this postseason. But that game was something spectacular.

(On another note... I like Trevor Hoffman and all, but the guy has blown some really high-profile saves. First ballot Hall of Fame perhaps in jeopardy? Maybe that's just crazy talk, but I dunno.)

So Many Things

2007-10-01T23:23:00.000-04:00

I am pro...

3:10 to Yuma. Nice to see a real Western. As usual, Christian Bale is a total chameleon, and Russell Crowe makes one of the coolest (and smartest) outlaws of all time. I think I may need to say more about this film later.

The War. No, not in Iraq. The PBS miniseries. It's another instant classic that'll have you shaking your head with wonder at the personal stories and incredible combat footage. Nothing is more guaranteed to elicit that odd emotional response whereby one laughs when he feels like crying. Your eyes will definitely well up at points. World War II was just that damn ridiculous. And nobody has a better sense of how to merge the personal and grander narratives of history than Ken Burns. High schools across the country should do away with social studies teachers and just show his films at this point.

National League baseball. After the Cardinals nose-dived, I didn't think I'd care that much about baseball. How could any sports lover fail to enjoy the absurdity of this last month, though? As I speak, the Padres and Rockies are tied in the top of the 13th. OF COURSE it went to extra innings. How could it not?

Hanley Ramirez. Who says there's no emotion in today's sports? After losing a bitter, hard-fought game against the Mets on the penultimate game of the season, Ramirez, who had been hit with a pitch, had some nice things to say after the game: "F*** everybody on the Mets... I'm going to kick their a**** tomorrow." The Marlins, of course, had no reason to play except to knock New York out of the playoffs and help them complete the second-worst choke in baseball history. And they did just that. Looking forward to those head-to-head matchups next year.

Robin van Persie.

Troy Tulowitzki.

Nailing the AL. With my preseason predictions. They still stand, by the way. Of course, in the NL, I didn't pick a single team correctly (Thanks, Mets). So now I'll take this opportunity to try again:

Cubs over Diamondbacks.
Padres over Phillies

Cubs over Padres. The baby bears will then get the honor of representing the senior circuit and losing to the BoSox in the World Series that everyone wanted to see four years ago.

I am anti...

Philip Rivers, Frank Gore, Brian Westbrook (get off the damn bench), Torry Holt, and Darrell Jackson. They know what they did. Team Shane Falco is in a crisis.

Everyone on the Rams. Every last one of 'em. (Trust me, I'll come back to this.)

Hockey. Oh. who cares? Well, actually, I do. But it's gotten very hard lately.

The Rockies losing. Which it appears as though they're going to do. I was really rooting for this club in the absence of my Cards. At the moment, my buddy Jason and I are trying to figure out what Torrealba could have said to Julio right before he got massively tagged by Hairston:

wherespopeyes (23:57:50): "ok, so here's the plan: throw the straightest fastball you can as close as possible to the middle of the plate"

wherespopeyes (23:58:19): maybe torr just told hairston what was coming becuase he wanted to get to the post-game buffet

JimEdStan (23:59:25): "ok, here's the plan: 1) throw him a fat fastball right down the middle, 2) pour gasoline on self, 3) light match"

Ah, baseball.

In other news, the Cardinals are still the World Champions. (I just want to enjoy saying that for the next couple weeks while I still can.)

Oh, Television

2007-09-26T22:29:00.000-04:00

Very quickly, I am pro...

Gossip Girl. You wouldn't expect any less from the man who wrote such a glowing tribute to The O.C., would you?

(Also, can we talk about the casting for this? Shows of this nature are notoriously bad when it comes to presenting characters that look their stated age, but the casting of our heroine, blonde beauty Serena, is quite possibly the most unintentionally hilarious of all time. Blake Lively looks good, but about as old as the parents on this show. Meanwhile, the character of Rufus Humphrey looks like he was about 12 when he fathered his children.)

Robot Chicken. Because of things like this. And this. "Operator, connect me to the MOOOON."

The last two minutes of the Heroes season premiere. The only part worth watching, really.

The Office tomorrow night. I have watched this show since its very first episode. There's no other show that I can say that about, and Jon, my current roommate, is the one other person I know who's been with the show from its days on Tuesday nights to its ascent of the sitcom throne. Each season, both he and I have consistently agreed that there's no way the next season can top what came before it. Each season, we've been very pleasantly surprised. So, I'll just go ahead and say it so that I won't jinx this year: there's no way they can top last season. Though the final episode wasn't as good as Casino Night the year before, the last few episodes of Season 3 were brilliantly devised. I'm ready for a letdown. (No I'm not.)

The Soup. I hate myself. Here you go.

This. It never gets old. Ever.

I am anti...

This season of The Contender. Usually I love this show, but this season's fights have been pretty lame. I think we've reached the point where all the contestants are more concerned about looking stupid on a national television show than with actually laying it on the line and making an impression. This conservatism doesn't allow for very aggressive fight plans, hence fewer entertaining bouts.

The first 58 minutes of the Heroes season premiere.

Newport Harbor. "Is terrible" should always be the next two words out of your mouth. Sorry, Jon.

RIP Big Four (2004-2007)

2007-09-22T00:45:00.001-04:00

I just had to get this in before the Saturday morning matches. I am pro…

Jose Mourinho. There’s really not much that can be said about Chelsea’s decision to let the second-best manager in the Premiership go other then that it’s shocking, it’s a poor decision, and Abramovich will rue the day his desire for more attractive football outweighed his desire to win. Though Jose’s strategies on the pitch lacked flair, they were certainly effective, and the “Special One” made up for the lack of pizzazz with a fiery personality. He injected life into a stale Premier League, and proved a worthy rival to the brilliant intellects of Wenger and Ferguson, who were clearly getting sick of playing mind games with just one another. Oh, and the ladies loved him.

While his departure is good for the soon to be restored "Big Three" of Arsenal, Manchester United, and Liverpool, it’s terribly unfair to Chelsea supporters. It didn’t seem so bad to have their team suddenly become the plaything of a shady oil tycoon when it meant world class players and instant trophies. Now that Abramovich has decided that nobody but him should have the final say in any matter at the club, things aren’t looking so good. Basically firing the best manager the club has ever had after he failed to accommodate two (admittedly great) players in Shevchenko and Ballack that were foisted upon him against his will is pretty low. Despite the reputation Chelski quickly earned for hiring mercenaries, Mourinho was somewhat similar to Wenger in that he wasn’t all about buying established superstars. He turned talented players with good fundamental skills into excellent ones who exceeded most expectations. Selling Gallas and Robben and obtaining Sheva, Ballack, and Cashley Cole didn't fit with his plans and it showed.

My prediction: within two years, Chelsea will be a mid-table team. Terry, Drogba, Lampard, Carvalho, J. Cole, and Essien. Those aren’t just the names on the backs of some potential World XI jerseys; those are the current Chelsea players who absolutely LOVED playing for Mourinho. To them, he was more than a manager. He was a friend who helped them grow as players and win in the process. Two League titles, one FA Cup, and two Carling Cups, to be exact. That’s an absurd track record for a three year stint in the best football league in the world. Oh, and I forgot to mention that Chelsea NEVER LOST A LEAGUE MATCH AT HOME (66) during Mourinho’s tenure. Talk about a fortress. Now, there’s already talk about a club exodus to follow Mourinho or at least escape a team with an unpredictable owner and a tumultuous situation. I don’t think it will be that sudden, but there will certainly be a talent drain which will leave them struggling to keep pace with the heavyweights.

That being said, I still believe Chelsea will pull it together and put United to the sword tomorrow. There’s so much anger and bitterness in that clubhouse right now, I think that it’ll come out on the pitch. Two early goals, and one late consolation from Man U. They’ve been very sluggish this year, even at Old Trafford.

Another prediction: Martin Jol is the next manager out. But that’s too easy.

(PS: There’s a lot of speculation over where Mourinho will end up. Portugal’s National Team seems likely, but I can’t pretend to know where he’ll go. Personally, I’d like to see him at Tottenham in a couple years. God knows they need help. And I’d love to see Wenger exact some revenge for the 2004 League and the 2007 Carling Cup Final.)

This List Is Wrong

2007-09-21T13:20:00.001-04:00

I understand that it's hard to keep up with America's insatiable desire for lists. When it comes to entertainment of all kinds, it's become the norm to start ranking things from best to worst the second they're presented to us. I'm definitely no exception; right after I see a well-made movie or a great sports game, it doesn't take long for me to start thinking about where it belongs in comparison to others of its kind. (For instance, the moment the whistle blew on the 2006 Rose Bowl Game between Texas and USC, I was already telling anyone who would listen that this was the "best college football game ever" when I should have been speechless in appreciation of what I'd just seen.) However, I do have a few specific issues with the following, which I am anti...

Time's 100 Greatest TV Shows. Don't get me wrong. There are a lot of things that this list gets right. The inclusion of Deadwood, Twin Peaks, both versions of The Office, Mystery Science Theatre 3000, SCTV, South Park, and Six Feet Under, for example, gives this list a lot of credibility in my eyes. And there are a few shows that could have definitely been included, but are understandably passed over because of their recent debuts. (Friday Night Lights, for example. Please see the recent Bill Simmons column, which is an impassioned plea for the show's continuation. I simply can't plug its greatness enough... just watch it. Please.) All in all, it's a pretty great list. However, there's one completely inexcusable omission: The O.C.

I know what you're thinking. The O.C.? Come on, it's a soap. Pure and simple. Entertaining, perhaps, but among the best shows ever? Well, considering that "King of the Hill" and "The Super Bowl (and the ads)" made the cut, I think this should have been a shoe-in. (The Super Bowl shouldn't qualify as a television show... it's a once a year sporting event, dammit.) And if you think about it, the case for The O.C. is pretty strong.

Though it certainly declined in its later seasons (read: everything past the halfway point of season 2), it's first season was pure television gold. The characters were excellently portrayed (with eye candy Mischa Barton providing the weakest link), especially Peter Gallagher and Kelly Rowan as Sandy and Kirsten. Gallagher was exceptionally good. Until Coach Eric Taylor of Friday Night Lights, the character of Sandy Cohen stood head and shoulders above all other television dads. The dialogue was sharp and witty. The plotlines were ridiculous and corny, but just believable enough. And who really cared about those, anyway?

You really rooted for the characters. We loved the cliches - it took about four episodes for my friends and me to stop calling McKenzie's character "Johnny Reb." Ryan-Marissa was the bridge from Ross-Rachel to Jim-Pam (with great improvement each time around, might I add) for our generation. Their kiss on the Ferris Wheel had a wonderful and tense build-up. (And one of my favorite South songs. Yes, I do remember these things. Kill me now.) As pathetic as it may sound, one of my fondest memories from my freshman year of college is standing in a room full of people screaming at Ryan as he struggled up the stairs on New Years during the much-maligned and highly entertaining "Oliver episodes." Pretty great.

It becomes really clear that The O.C. belongs on that list when you think about the effect it had on the TV world and today's youth culture. Skeptical? Well, first there's the music. As much as they might hate to admit it, Pitchfork owes its current popularity far more to The O.C. than it does to any other factor (it's definitely not the rightfully maligned prose of the reviews, that much is certain). For better or worse, The O.C. exposed a new audience to indie rock. The music was such a draw for the show that after every episode, all the songs played were listed online. And in the end, they released six different mixtapes, populated with the usual suspects of Death Cab, Stars, and Modest Mouse, but also including less immediately accessible artists like Of Montreal, Eels, and the Super Furry Animals.

Going hand in hand with this was the sudden sex appeal of the nerd. While Ben McKenzie's character was originally meant to be the heartthrob of the show, it was Adam Brody as the neurotic and witty Seth Cohen who stole it. Rather than turning him into a Screech-like sidekick, Seth became as much a centerpiece of the show as Ryan, if not more. I was shocked at the number of girls I knew who found Seth appealing - he was unabashedly dorky, mildly obsessive-compulsive, and into comic books and indie music. Suddenly, these things were not just OK, they were charming. (Or at least on television, let's not be too generous.)

But really, one needs look no further than the current TV landscape to see the power of The O.C. Though the show was a scripted drama, its glimpse into the lives of the Cali rich and famous was convincing and compelling enough to convince a certain network (MTV) that a reality show based in the same location with similar characters (only real) would work. Thus, Laguna Beach. From that, it's not a stretch to see its influence on The Hills, Newport Harbor, and basically every show that glorifies the young and wealthy (and preferably female). And now, coming with a New York twist, Gossip Girls. The thing is, The O.C. (at least in its first two years) stood head and shoulders above all these shows that it spawned. True, it was derivative of 90210 and its ilk. But it was better than those shows, and it remains better than both the fictional and real shows to which it gave birth. Long live The O.C.

This Ain't No Game

2007-09-17T14:40:00.000-04:00

I can't deny that soccer figures very prominently on this blog. But for those who think it's just a game, you're seriously mistaken. I am anti...

Tragedy. Earlier this year, I complained about Arsenal trying to give me a heart attack every weekend. Their tendency to concede early and score late (if at all, and even then only after beautiful setups and easy chances are spurned and squandered) is becoming legendary. Part of being an Arsenal supporter is growing accustomed to spending 90 minutes with that hollow, anxious feeling in your gut. Well congratulations, Gunners. You've claimed your first victim of the season. I suppose it was only a matter of time, but one can't help wishing he had only hung in there for another hour or so. (Also, it was Diaby who hit the crossbar, but that's a mere detail at this point.)

GOLAZO

2007-09-16T16:31:00.000-04:00

I remarked yesterday that Arsenal won it's match against Tottenham in stunning fashion. The goals by Fabregas and Adebayor were certainly pretty special. However, this got me thinking about some of last season's best moments. So, without further ado, I am pro...

English Goals of the Season (2006-2007). Some of them have certainly been here before, but I think you'll agree a second look won't hurt.

1. Robin van Persie (Arsenal) vs. Charlton. Out-of-nowhere left-footed midair volley straight into the back of the net. Sort of speaks for itself, doesn’t it? Call me a fanboy, but this goal never gets old.

2. Wayne Rooney (Man U) vs. Portsmouth. Perfect chip-shot right over the defender and the keeper. One doesn’t expect such cheek from perhaps the most thuggish forward in the game (alongside Tevez). Messi recently did this in the Copa America – the skill level involved is off the charts.

3. James McFadden (Everton) vs. Charlton. Desperately needing a goal to keep Everton’s European hopes alive, McFadden puts one over the defender and then volleys it straight into the corner. Simply shocking, and the Charlton player’s reaction says it all. (McFadden makes an appearance later in this post, I suggest you look for it.)

4. Mickael Essien (Chelsea) vs. Arsenal. Curving equalizer late in the game to keep Chelsea’s undefeated run at Stamford Bridge alive. The goal that made me stand up and scream “NO” even as I had to fight off the urge to applaud. Bonus points for 1) FIVE SECONDS (count ‘em) of speechlessness on the part of the commentators before the notoriously loquacious Andy Gray can only offer a stunned “oh my goodness” and 2) Jose Mourinho’s endless fist-pumps.

5. Paul Scholes (Man U) vs. Aston Villa. The ball ricochets about a hundred feet in the air off a corner kick and Scholes calmly winds up and one-times it before it ever hits the ground. Totally ridiculous. How did he ever control that ball?

6. Wayne Rooney (Man U) vs. Bolton Wanderers. Voted on by the fans as the best goal of the season. I don’t completely agree, but watching Rooney and Ronaldo’s blazing speed on the counterattack, it’s easy to see why Man U were champions. (Sorry about the music.)

7. Matthew Taylor (Portsmouth) vs. Everton. He could have been 200 yards away and this volley would have still gone in.

8. Daniel Agger (Liverpool) vs. West Ham United. Perhaps the first great goal of the season. He couldn’t have put it in a better spot.

9. Didier Drogba (Chelsea) vs. Liverpool. The strength and speed of his movement here is almost breathtaking. Very similar to Ade's most recent goal.

10. Denny Landzaat (Wigan) vs. Arsenal. Maybe the hardest-struck ball I’ve ever seen.

Spanish-speaking Announcers. Unfortunately, I have no clips to offer you here - this is just a brief observation. First of all, let me say that I love British announcers of all stripes. They're excellent (see both above and below). However, when it comes to adding that extra bit of passion, the Spanish language seems to consistently provide more opportunity for it. For example, Fox Sports en espanol showed a replay of the Arsenal-Tottenham match last night. It shouldn't surprise you that I settled in to watch most of it again. And when the goals came, it was just as exciting the second time thanks to the announcing.

The final goal was made especially enjoyable. When Adebayor received the ball and spun around, the commentator was already whispering with barely hidden delight the word "golazo." This was BEFORE ADEBAYOR EVEN TOOK THE SHOT. In the split second between the take and the release, he already had a feeling. "Golazo," he whispered frantically, and then, as the ball slammed into the back of the net "GOLAZO!" A brief pause to allow the delirium of the away crowd to be heard and then: "GOOOOOOOOLLLLLLAAAAAAZZZZZZZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ADEBAYOOOOOOORRRRRR!"

Scotland stunning France, not once, but twice. In 2006, France was shocked 1 nil by Scotland on the Scot's home turf. And then, over the international break, this happened in Paris.

France are currently the number one ranked team in the world, and now they have an uphill battle to qualify for the Euro 2008 tournament. The look on Trezeguet's face says it all. And while I love watching France, I love an underdog more. Also, I love the way the Scottish announcers say the name "James McFadden."

It probably doesn't need mentioning that I am anti...

Dante Hall. Human joystick? More like the human death knell to a season.

Holt's fumble. Mr. Reliable. Huh.

Scott Linehan asking Jeff Wilkins to try and save the Rams season with a literally impossible kick from 56 yards (and he STILL almost did it). Well, I guess it's official. I really wasn't sure if we were going to be a bad team or a good one this year, and just two weeks in, I think we have our answer. One could argue that we were close throughout, and that a few crucial mistakes did us in. Except that's the difference between a good team and a bad one. Just ask the Patriots about ball protection and fundamentals. (And cheating, too. Man, I hope San Diego kills them tonight. Hell, I think they ought to send us the 2001 Vince Lombardi trophy. Apparently, the Pats have a history of singling out Mike Martz with their cheating ways.)

On a sidenote, my brother (all of 12) has consistently picked against the Rams on our Yahoo NFL Pick 'Em Game. While I usually accuse him of being overly pessimistic for this behavior, I guess I have to applaud him this time, the little Benedict Arnold.

Whatever agreement the NFL and TV networks have made so that I'm stuck watching the dying minutes of Packers-Giants while other vastly more interesting and important games take place. So stupid.

Album of the Year?

2007-09-15T13:16:00.000-04:00

It's been awhile since I got a chance to sit back and digest an album in full. I took that opportunity the last few nights as I studied for that-which-shall-not-be-named. And now that I'm caught up, I am pro...

Jen Lekman's latest release, Night Falls Over Kortedala. Its praises are being sung to the rafters by most reviewers at this point, and I won't add too much to them. All I'll say is that it contains three of the most interesting, memorable (and, of course), beautiful songs I've heard in a long time:

1) "The Opposite of Hallelujah." The catchy and upbeat doo-wop melody (which was actually quietly released a while ago and has been a live favorite) underscores a song that, as far as I can understand it, is about confusion and isolation. Lekman's lyrics wonderfully capture the difficulty of articulating and explaining feelings of depression to a loved one. All to a tune that will stay with you all day. Now that's artistry.

2) "A Postcard to Nina." The first of a few songs apparently based on true stories. Here, Lekman is unexpectedly recruited by a lesbian friend when she needs to present a boyfriend to her traditional Catholic family. The awkwardness of dinner is relived perfectly, and the way Lekman describes his continued relationship with Nina's family is downright hilarious: "Your father is mailing me all the time, he says he just wants to say Hi. I send back 'out of office' auto-replies."

3) "Shirin." Possibly my favorite track on the album. Again based on a true story, Lekman immortalizes in song his barber, a young Iraqi immigrant woman who has brought her mother along and is running an illegal beauty salon out of her apartment. Unlike "A Postcard to Nina," though, "Shirin" is not just standard narrative, but a grand and sentimental love song. Only Lekman could make a haircut sound so romantic, and his crooning in the last minute is worth the price of the album all by itself.

These three are my favorites, but the creative brilliance of "Sipping on the Sweet Nectar" and the sheer beauty of "Your Arms Around Me" should under no circumstances go ignored. Night Falls Over Kortedala has easily made my shortlist for album of the year, and Jens joins LCD Soundsystem, Arcade Fire, The National, R. Kelly, Damon Albarn's third-best band (really says something about him, doesn't it?), and Feist (now of iPod fame) in the hunt for the title.

Oh yeah... and a great start to the weekend. The best Premiership game of the year thus far happened this morning: a close, tense, back-and-forth game with hard fouls, heated tempers, at least eight missed chances between both teams (it could have easily been 7-5 at the final), two candidates for goal of the month (Cesc's winner and Ade's nail in the coffin), a victory over our bitterest rivals on their home field, and a day finished at the top of the table. Doesn't get any better.

Making My Life Easier

2007-09-14T16:59:00.000-04:00

I've lost all of my music a total of six times to this point. And we're not talking like a few albums here: each of the last four times, I've lost around 50 GB on average. (The first time I had my physical CD collection stolen out of my car in high school.) I had my computer stolen (wake up, Jake), my external hard drive has crashed twice, and my last computer (affectionately named "whiny" for reasons that can be explained in another post) crapped out on me. This is why I am incredibly pro...

MediaMaster. At the moment, it's pretty much the best thing ever. If you go to their website, you can open an account and upload an unlimited amount of music. They'll keep it there, organize it, and allow you to access it from any computer with internet access. Oh yeah, and it's FREE. I know, it sounds too good to be true, but at the moment, they're offering the service completely free. There are only a few downsides: it can take a ridiculously long time to upload your entire library. You might want to reserve a week for it. Also, you can't re-download your library. However, now that it's there, I can rest assured my music library will never be permanently lost, and I can listen to it anywhere in the world. (Also, it's possible to give others access - if you're ever interested in listening to my library, shoot me an email and I'll give you the name and password. I've discovered that multiple people can be logged in at once.)

Mozy. Now that I've got my music covered, this is for my other files. Mozy's free account allows a limit of 2GB (I know, not a ton) of any sort of file. I've put important documents and photos up there. Unlike MediaMaster, however, you can download the files you've uploaded to Mozy from any computer. At work and wishing you could access that document from your home computer? No problem. Pretty great. (Before I forget, big props to Chris Ricca for turning me on to both these great sites. Check out the facebook application he just designed, too. It's called "Cupid.")

Goodreads. This one has just been fun. Basically, it allows you to list and review all the books you've read, are currently reading, or hope to read in the future. I've had a lot of fun with the first of these three categories as it has allowed me to reflect back on some old favorites (hello Phantom Tollbooth), some truly awful books (um, Angels & Demons), and some that perfectly characterize mediocrity (Tom Clancy, God knows the 7th grade me loves you, but I'm looking right at you).

iGoogle. It's pretty great to have everything you want at one central location . Pretty soon, I won't need bookmarks anymore. Or an address bar, for that matter.

Anyway, that's it. Looking forward to a great weekend of sports.

Checkoff

2007-09-13T09:43:00.001-04:00

A quick look into the wide world of sports. I am pro...

Arsene Wenger's contract extension. Best news of last week. In July, I was fairly convinced that Arsenal could survive anything except Wenger's departure:

"The simple fact of the matter is that Arsenal doesn’t sign stars. The stars BECOME stars at Arsenal. Wenger sees things that others don’t, and I trust him. The rumor that he may leave scares me 100 times more than the ones that foreshadowed Henry’s departure and those that currently speculate on the future of Cesc."

Now that he's locked in for at least three more years, I can breathe a big sigh of relief and look forward to Saturday's North London derby.

(I'm not the only one with mad respect for le professor; the voters have spoken and named him Britain's Greatest Manager of all time. Oh yeah, and we're back in the group stages of the Champion's League.)

Being top of my fantasy football league after Week 1. Team Shane Falco had a great showing thanks to Plaxico Burress, Adam Vinatieri, and the San Diego Defense. I don't really expect to stay there, so I'll enjoy it while it lasts.

Mike Nolan's suit on Monday Night Football. Talk about keeping it classy. He may not be the equal of say, Bill Belichick when it comes to strategy (or cheating, I guess), but he outstrips him by miles in the fashion department. All coaches should look like this.

Receiving ugly stares and vaguely threatening mutterings when I walked through Wrigleyville wearing a Jim Edmonds shirt. It's nice to know the rivalry is alive and well. Unlike the Cardinals themselves at the moment.

Meanwhile, I am anti...

The Cardinals literally falling apart. It's pretty hard to watch. Or listen to on KTRS, for that matter.

The Mariners tanking as well. Thus making my pre-season predictions for the AL standings perfect, but that's scant consolation.

Marc Bulger and Richie Incognito hanging out at Kilkenny's in June and Incognito making fun of my Arsenal jersey when they should have been studying game plans so as not to embarrass themselves on Opening Day. Speaks for itself, really.

People I Know

2007-09-12T18:18:00.000-04:00

I have a job. I come home, make myself dinner (all liquid the last few days thanks to having four massive teeth pulled out of my head on Friday), read a little bit, maybe watch Baseball Tonight or a Law & Order rerun on TNT (the original or SVU, never CI... we can talk about this some other time), and then go to sleep well before midnight. It's lame and I know it, but at the same time, I sort of enjoy it. At any rate, it's why I've been neglecting my internet duties. But as we all know, it's never too late to turn things around. Just to warn you, I'm a bit negative tonight, so prepare to learn what I am anti...

The U.S. Women's National Soccer Team. For several reasons, really. First of all, fighting hard for a draw with North Korea? We should have come in there and dropped a figurative Taepoedong-2 on their asses. I know they have one of the better women's sides in the world, but it's NORTH KOREA. A keystone of the axis of evil! If ever there was a time to make a big world statement, that was it. Beating them would be like when the U.S. beats Mexico at soccer (God do they hate that and man, it is so satisfying) but only if Mexico had a government that kept its people in a paranoid and brainwashed state of poverty while simultaneously building up it's weapons arsenal and occasionally letting slip an ominously belligerent soundbite regarding America. You can't just let them off the hook with a draw.

(Although, now that I think about it, it's probably best the North Korean team didn't lose. I don't think Kim Jong-Il and the rest of that country take failure very lightly, especially as it relates to the United States. Perhaps our team weighed the pros and cons of victory and decided to concede a couple goals in exchange for the lives of eleven North Korean women. Yeah, that's it.)

But the national team isn't off the hook yet. The other issue I have is with squad selection. The 1999 team had a truly likable group anchored by names like Hamm, Milbrett, Chastain, Akers, Foudy, Fawcett, Scurry, and Lilly. It also helped to have the World Cup in the U.S., but it didn't hurt that this group was generally good-looking (as professional female athletes go), charismatic, and seemed to really enjoy playing with one another. Now, Lilly and Scurry are the only holdovers from that dream team, and along with Abby Wambach, they comprise probably the only three names even the most football-mad American could identify as women's soccer players on a multiple choice test. I'm not exactly sure how they can fix this, but increased promotion and maybe some players with real charm and personality should be called up.

Really, though, the point of this rant is that I want to see one call-up in particular, and that is Becky Sauerbrunn. Smart, athletically gifted, and a true leader at the back, Sauerbrunn could be the technically sound John Terry that the U.S. women's team could rely on for years to come. Of course, at the moment, Becky is currently orchestrating play at UVA, so it might be a little while before we see her beyond the youth squads. Also, unlike strikers, who can sometimes peak in their early to mid-20's, defenders often benefit from increased experience, making it possible for one to limit their first team play until the right moment. That being said, I expect great things, and you heard it here first.

How's My Driving? (MLB Predictions Revisited)

2007-07-22T16:34:00.000-04:00

A few posts back (and a few months ago), I made some predictions about the baseball season. With the All-Star Break and midseason recently concluded, I decided to revisit those. I'm happy to say that I am pro...

Being Nostradamus. Well, not exactly. But (almost) nothing looks entirely ridiculous. For my division leaders, I've currently got four (Red Sox, Angels, Mets, Dodgers) of six and my pick for the AL Central (Cleveland) is only 1.5 games back. The "almost" would refer to the NL Central, where my beloved Cardinals have been mediocre at best, craptacular at worst, and the Brewers have been surprisingly strong. Should have seen that one coming. The Wild Cards are still doing alright: Atlanta is certainly in the running, and even though the AL Central is quite good, a streaky Yankees team might be able to make the postseason if their pitching picks up.

My Cy Young picks aren't terrible - Halladay is quietly stringing together another excellent season (11-4 at the moment) and could make a run for it. Zambrano got off to a terrible start but is now tied for the league lead in wins. Haren, Beckett, Hamels, and Peavy have been the most impressive, though. We will see. My MVP's (Guerrero and Pujols), however, while having extremely solid seasons, will take a little more work to become truly viable choices. As of now, the NL field is pretty muddy (Fielder? Holliday? Utley?), but A-Rod or Magglio seems a lock in the AL, so I might need to consider one of two the best possible outcome. The same goes for my ROY predictions. Um, Chris Young? Sorry about that one. Dice-K is still the top pick in my opinion, with the greatest competition stemming from his two teammates, Okerjimer and Pedroier (as they are so lovingly known to Red Sox fans). I've got to hand it to my friend Jason, who totally called Pedroia legit even when he was struggling early in the season. You'd think I'd listen when he's got Baseball Prospectus and the Oakland A's on his resume, but I must admit I was skeptical.

OK, so I guess I'm really not Nostradamus, but as I said, on the whole I'm pretty happy with my picks. With the exception of the lamo Cardinals, stupid Chris Young (not to be confused with the good Chris Young on the Padres), and the Yankees to some degree, everything looks fairly plausible. There's a lot of season ahead. Oh, and let's go Mariners!

I’m Not Worried

2007-07-03T13:18:00.000-04:00

Yes, it’s sports. Yes, it’s soccer. And yes, it’s been awhile. But I needed something easy to get me going again. And lately, nothing has been easier than speculating about what I am pro…

The signing of Eduardo da Silva by Arsenal FC. I won’t waste too much time talking about the cons, because everyone knows them. He’s an unknown quantity, he’s coming from an inferior league, he won’t be used to the physicality of English play, he’s more of your standard goal poacher while Henry was quite possibly the most creative forward the Premiership has ever seen, etc. Instead, let’s examine the case for him.

1. He’s cheap. Initial reports had Arsenal spending all their Henry money on his transfer, but apparently that’s just not true. In actuality, the deal will be worth more like 8 million pounds. In today’s market, a steal. Certainly beats what we would have had to pay for Torres, Tevez, Babel, or Anelka if they had been interested in a transfer. (And we may still get Anelka back!)

2. He’s young, but not too young. Da Silva is 24, meaning that his best years are most likely ahead of him. Simultaneously, he’s had time to mature for the big stage, unlike say, Theo Walcott. He’s scored seven international goals and tasted the Champion’s League.

3. He’s your standard goal poacher. I think this is actually a real strength for the club. Like Inzaghi or van Nistelrooy, he’s got that instinctual, almost selfish need to score. Yes, he’ll be caught offside a lot. No, his goals won’t be pretty. But they’ll come, especially when he adapts to the league. In fact, his presence might even negate one of Arsenal’s greatest criticisms: that they pass the ball too much and become afraid of greatness when it comes time to shoot.

4. His nickname is “Dudu.” You can’t make this stuff up. And after he opens his Arsenal account, the pleasure I’ll take in yelling “Duuuuuuduuuuuuu!” will be immense.

5. Henry, Vieira, Petit, Campbell, Ljungberg, Fabregas, Pires, Anelka, Toure, Overmars, van Persie. Look at that list. Every one of them a bona fide star. And when Wenger signed them? A list of players considered too young, unskilled, or unable to adapt to a big stage in a big league. Some of them were even picked off the scrap heap of other teams. Journeymen and never-wills. (Except for Campbell, really, which was a hilarious case of Arsenal bullying its woeful North London rivals.) All of them initially underpaid, and when they left (if they did), other teams overpaid significantly. The simple fact of the matter is that Arsenal doesn’t sign stars. The stars BECOME stars at Arsenal. Wenger sees things that others don’t, and I trust him. The rumor that he may leave scares me 100 times more than the ones that foreshadowed Henry’s departure and those that currently speculate on the future of Cesc.

6. Nobody can replace Thierry Henry, but then again, nobody is expecting da Silva to do it. All he needs to do is form an effective partnership with van Persie and/or Adebayor and score ugly goals. I think he can do this. And in a weird way, I’m glad. In fact, I’m downright happy about...

The fact that Arsenal will never be able to replace Thierry Henry. He was most likely the best player the club ever had, and it was a sheer joy to watch him play. Pace, skill, intelligence, creativity, class. He had it all. For eight years, he was the jewel in the crown of a dynasty that produced two League titles, three FA Cups, three Community Shields, and very nearly a European Cup. Oh, and let's not forget the 49 game unbeaten run (unbelievable) that spanned an entire season. He led the league in scoring four times as a Gunner and was two-time PFA Player of the Year. The club will miss him greatly, and anybody who thinks his career is over will probably be in for a surprise, provided he stays healthy. He’s an absolute legend. But here’s the thing about legends – they’re never replaceable. If they were, they wouldn’t be legends. And that’s OK. All we can do is look back on the good times and hope for more players who are special in their own right. With Wenger at the helm, anything is possible.

Go Yankees?

2007-04-26T04:29:00.000-04:00

Breaking the silence with a short entry today. I have so much to say about soccer and television that both spheres require their own massive, all-encompassing posts that will come later. (This way, the majority of my rather minuscule reading base can skip the former entirely and skim the latter.) Anyway, I am anti...

Rooting against a team for no good reason. Let me explain. Tonight, I’m making my first trip to Yankee Stadium to watch the Bronx bombers take on Toronto. Among those who will be accompanying me there was some discussion about who our group should support. A few people (mostly Red Sox fans or fans from other cities) expressed a desire to actively root against the Yankees and for the Blue Jays. Now don’t get me wrong – I have absolutely no love for the Yankees. That being said, something about this didn't seem right.

On the one hand, I could fathom the desire to watch or hear about the Yankees losing to a random opponent through the media. This notion is perfectly understandable if you live anywhere north of New Haven or happen to think that having 20 million fans in the immediate vicinity and the spending power of several third world countries means that no further support is necessary. However, going to Yankee Stadium without any ties to Toronto and then rooting for the Blue Jays seemed silly to me, even if one did fall within these categories. So it got me thinking, and I’ve decided that the following three situations comprise the only circumstances when you can actively root against the home team at a ballgame:

1. The visiting team happens to be your team. This one is obvious. For instance, I will always support the Cardinals and the Mariners, home or away. (And when these two occasionally meet, the Cardinals win hands-down, but that’s a whole other issue.) In this situation, I have no qualms about wearing the gear of the visiting team and making a nuisance of myself in the stands. I’ve earned the right.

2. If a win for the home team immediately negatively impacts the playoff situation for your own team. This means you can vocally support the visitor in their efforts to play spoiler and better your own club’s situation. However, as one might expect, this rule usually becomes relevant pretty late in the season as the playoff picture emerges.

3. Something incredible will happen that necessitates the away team winning. This is the most borderline of the rules. An example would be going to tonight’s game and realizing that Blue Jays starter AJ Burnett was carrying a no-no through seven (haha). Then it becomes alright to hope for the no-hitter and a favorable outcome for Toronto. Or perhaps the Blue Jays are down by seven in the ninth and begin mounting an incredible comeback. Two years ago, if you had no affiliation with the Reds or Cardinals and happened to be catching a game at Great American Ball Park, you should have started out cheering the Reds. But as soon as this started happening, it would have been fine to change your tune. Basically, rule #3 makes it OK to be fickle and fair-weather but only as long as something truly special will happen. It is important to remember that this rule is almost never relevant.

Beyond these, there’s really no reason you shouldn’t be supporting the club that calls whatever stadium you’re in home. And if not outright supporting, there’s no reason not to feel at the very least indifferent about the outcome. Really, you should just want to see some good baseball. Here are some excuses for rooting against a team that should never be accepted:

1. The home team is your “biggest rival.” Whatever. Unless the aforementioned three rules apply, there’s no reason you shouldn’t want to see them win or at least feel indifferent about the outcome. As a Cardinals fan, I love seeing us dominate the Cubs, but I don’t mind seeing the baby bears win when they’re not playing St. Louis. At least it makes the rivalry more interesting and potentially less one-sided.

2. You have some tenuous connection to the city of the visiting team. Look, just because your aunt lives in Minneapolis, your grandfather grew up in San Francisco, or you once had a lovely time visiting San Diego doesn’t mean you should start backing the Twins, Giants, or Padres when they’re the visiting team. Unless you’ve dedicated some serious time and emotion to supporting one of these clubs, this connection shouldn’t be enough to make you act like a representative of the team in the stands.

A couple weeks ago I was more than happy to see Boston unload against the Angels at Fenway and tonight, I wouldn’t mind seeing a Yankees victory in the Bronx. While this may seem silly or contradictory to some, I’m pretty sure I’m just following the rules.

One City at a Time

2007-04-04T05:24:00.000-04:00

I am pro...

Lil Wayne, Birdman, Fat Joe, Rick Ross, and T.I.'s recent collaborations. Over the last year or so, we've seen divisions in the rap world falling less along strict label or geographic lines and more around these loosely formed cliques that seem to genuinely enjoy working with one another. In this case, it seems as though these five (really four - Birdman and Wayne are a package deal these days) have been responsible for this year's two hottest singles. This, you already know. And here, they trade Scott Storch for DJ Khaled and R. Kelly for Akon. Still works. Especially because all you need is a pinch of Akon to turn a good pop song into a great one. (Also, I love Rick Ross and Khaled paying homage to this all-time great video around the 2 minute mark of "We Takin' Over.")

The recent Jim Jones/OutKast connection. What's with this? Didn't really see it coming, but they've showed up together on stellar remixes of DJ Unk's "Walk It Out" (last year) and Rich Boy's "Throw Some D's" (this week). It's hard to imagine what would drive Jonesy in Harlem and Andre 3000 with his recent proclivity for the bizarre and artsy to appear on such straightforward Southern fare (well, not really: $), but they certainly make the most of it. Which leads me to...

Andre's opener on the "Walk It Out Remix." This is quite possibly the best rap verse I've heard in several years. He takes potshots at today's rap culture, skewering everything from the current slang ("real talk," anyone?), oversized white tees, and parking lot pimpin' with his trademark wit and stuttering delivery. It's really sort of astonishing that Unk allowed him to do this, considering these are the only things he ever raps about. I'm guessing that nobody actually listened to the verse before throwing it on, making this song the aural equivalent of watching a guy repeatedly slap another man in the face before handing him the mic.

And That Day Has Arrived (MLB Preseason Picks)

2007-04-02T15:03:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I said that I would withhold my predictions for the MLB season for another day. Well, the Cardinals lost, I didn't want to work on my essay, and it felt like cheating to wait too long. So, I am pro...

Jim Stanley’s MLB Picks. Chosen using my own top secret scientific method. I won’t go into too much detail, but let me assure you that it’s more than just blindly pointing at a newspaper standings sheet (barely). My initial impressions are as follows:

Division Titles
AL East: Red Sox
AL Central: Indians
AL West: Angels
AL Wild Card: Yankees

NL East: Mets
NL Central: Cardinals
NL West: Dodgers
NL Wild Card: Braves

MVP
AL: Vladimir Guerrero
NL: Albert Pujols

Cy Young
AL: Roy Halladay
NL: Carlos Zambrano

Rookie of the Year
AL: Daisuke Matsuzaka
NL: Chris Young

Postseason
Red Sox over Angels
Indians over Yankees
Mets over Cardinals
Dodgers over Braves

Red Sox over Indians
Mets over Dodgers

Red Sox over Mets

So there you go. Boston celebrates its second championship of the decade while the Mets suffer heartbreak yet again. I’m not even going to touch manager or comeback player, partly because I have no idea, and partly because I don’t care. Expect another look at this come the All-Star Break.

Just a quick look at what I am anti...

Drew Gooden's reverse goatee. Which is what I like to call the monstrosity which looks all the world to me like one man's terribly misguided attempt to grow a patch of facial hair on the wrong side of his head. It also has more than a passing resemblance to what some might call a "landing strip." Apparently, Gooden calls it a "ducktail." Whatever it is, I've been trying without success to find a picture of it. So the next time the Cavs are on TV, take a look at the back of Gooden's head and try to figure out how best to describe the solitary patch of hair he's cultivating at the base of his skull. Because words fail me.

New York Yankees fans. In the first inning of today's season opener, A-Rod tried to track down a fly ball in foul territory. While it would normally be an easy catch, I was instantly taken with the conviction that he would miss it. Why is this? Well, how can someone be expected to catch a ball when he knows that everyone in the stadium - people that are supposed to be his supporters - is secretly praying that he will drop it? Of course, he misplayed it and the Bronx faithful happily erupted into their first boos of the season. The same thing happened when A-Rod came up in the bottom of the inning with two men on. Of course he struck out. Everyone wanted him to. And then they got to boo and hiss again to their heart's delight. (Note: Jeter made an awful throwing error in the second which actually led to Tampa Bay scoring a run. Didn't hear a single boo.) The poor guy. I hope he's happy in Chicago next year.

Opening Day!

2007-04-01T19:12:00.000-04:00

It's finally here! I am (obviously) pro...

Opening Day. I couldn't be more excited for this season. The entire city of St. Louis is ready. Hell, my Dad and brother are at the game as I write this (couldn't be more jealous). There are a lot of question marks going into the year, and it'll be interesting to see if the Cards can even repeat as Central champs.

But instead of looking forward (I'm saving my predictions and thoughts on this season for another day), I'd like to take this opportunity to look back. Last season was something truly magical. But where do the 2006 Cardinals' postseason heroics rank on the list of Jim Stanley's Favorite St. Louis Sports Moments? (Please keep in mind that this is my own personal list; everyone has a different one.) And so, without further ado, I give you...

Jim Stanley's Favorite St. Louis Sports Moments. First, let's get a few things straight. To make the list, the following criteria should be met:

- I've witnessed the events while they occurred (either in person or on television), which obviously limits it to things in my lifetime. Replays or learning of something after the fact just isn't the same.

- It has to have been a close game. Blowouts aren't really an option. The best among the following are the games that gave me that semi-sick feeling because the outcome was consistently in doubt. It usually helps if there's some sort of dramatic, almost orgasmic turn of events that swings the game in our favor.

- St. Louis wins.

10) Rams over Eagles, 2002 NFC Championship Game. At this point, it was a bit of a been-there, done-that for the Rambos. We were no longer a Cinderella team, but a firmly established juggernaut of the league. Nevertheless, it was an excellent game that saw us trailing at halftime. However, Warner and Faulk went gangbusters in the second to lead us to our second Super Bowl appearance in three years. My Dad and I again stayed to watch the awarding of the NFC trophy on the field. Little did we know that this was the last time we'd watch the Rams win a playoff game in person.

9) Blues over Sharks, 2001 Western Conference Playoffs Game 5. This is the only Blues memory I remember vividly that meets the criteria of this list (while there are plenty of heartbreaking defeats). The season before, we had torn through the regular season and won the President's Trophy, only to be unceremoniously dumped out of the playoffs by upstart #8 seed San Jose. This was sweet revenge of the highest order as Salvador consolidated our series lead on the hated Sharks with an unexpected blast to win it in OT. Watching with friends in a hotel room, we proceeded to go rockstar on the place as best a bunch of 15 and 16 year old's can.

8) Cardinals over Astros, 2004 NLCS Game 7. Down for most of the game against the Rocket, we finally broke through on Clemens with a Pujols RBI double to tie and a go-ahead Rolen homer in the 6th inning. And for the third time in my life (and the first that I can remember), we were off to the World Series. I babbled excitedly at Jake for about a solid two minutes and then went tearing off through my dorm screaming at the top of my lungs that we were "the team of destiny." In retrospect, oops.

7) Rams over Seahawks, October 10, 2004. I actually missed most of this game, but as it turned out, it didn’t matter at all. Having struggled to maintain my St. Louis sports fan intensity in college (everyone on the East Coast couldn’t care less about teams that aren’t the Yankees, Red Sox, or Patriots), it was nice to have some friends from home visiting for the weekend. We spent the day out in New York, missing most of the game, but checking sports bars periodically to see that we were being slaughtered by the rival Seahawks, who looked to supplant us as the power of the NFC West. With a little over five minutes left, we were down 27-10. On the way back, though, we noticed through the window of an electronics store that the game was 27-24 with 3 minutes left. We ran back to the apartment, and caught the last play of regulation as Wilkins hit a field goal to send it into OT. We then watched, delirious with shock and glee, as Shaun McDonald got behind the secondary and caught a strike from Bulger to go half the length of the field for the winning score, where he and the other Rams promptly proceeded to taunt the stunned Seahawk fans. One of the greatest comebacks in NFL history, and a clear message to Seattle. We weren't done yet.

6) Cardinals over Astros, 2005 NLCS Game 5. Down 4-2. Down to our last out. Eckstein battles Brad Lidge, perhaps the best closer in the league at this point. Single. Edmonds somehow pulls off a walk, setting the stage for the most monstrous, beastly, career-ruining (Lidge’s, that is) home run ever hit. Pujols solidifies his legacy as the finest clutch hitter not named Ortiz, steals another man’s soul, puts another satellite into orbit, causes everyone I've ever known to call my cell phone at the same time, and staves off elimination for the Cardinals, all in one swing.

5) Cardinals over Astros, 2004 NLCS Game 6. The highpoint of the LCS that nobody saw (because the greatest LCS of all time was going on in that other league). I’m convinced that Jake, my roommate at the time, has never liked me less than when this NLCS was going on as it essentially gave me bipolar disorder. Kent had put me in the lower end of my sinusoidal mood curve the previous game with his 9th inning walk-off against Isringhausen that put the 'Stros up 3-2 in the series. However, I threatened to hit an all-time low when the Astros tied this one up in the ninth, 4-4. I got the sick feeling for the next 45 minutes, but Jim Edmonds cured me when he rose to the occasion and smashed a walk-off home run in the 12^th inning to send the series to a decisive Game 7. I don’t think I’ve ever been more giddy.

4) Cardinals over Tigers, 2006 World Series Game 5. Wainwright takes down Inge with a slider to give us the crown for the first time in 24 years. I am instantly bathed in champagne outside my dorm and spend the rest of the night randomly hugging strangers and informing them that “we’ve won it 10 times” as if anyone in New Haven might understand what that meant. For the first time in my life, World Champions.

3) Cardinals over Mets, 2006 NLCS Game 7. Early runs scored by both teams, and then a pitchers duel between (of all people) Oliver Perez and Jeff Suppan to leave the score deadlocked at 1-1. Endy Chavez makes the greatest catch of all time (there can be no argument on this point) to rob Rolen of a two run shot as I furiously throw a full water bottle at the wall. I do my silent, tortured thing the whole game, feeling like if I talk too much I'll become nauseous. And then, without any warning, Yadier Molina hits a stunning home run in the 9^th to put us up. Wainwright loads the bases, and the stage is set for Carlos Beltran (who owns us so hard in the postseason we might as well make him mayor of St. Louis every October) to strike out looking on the filthiest curve ball ever thrown. National League Champions.

2) Rams over Titans, Super Bowl XXXIV. As a Rams fan, I like to say that this is the greatest Super Bowl of all time. As a football fan, I know that it’s probably a tossup between XXXIV and XXXVI at this point. Either way, we played a starring role in both.

Warner to Bruce, 2 minutes left, 73 yards to break the deadlock. And then, in what was quite possibly the most exciting finish to a football game EVER, Mike Jones makes The Tackle on Dyson at the one yard line as time expires. Screaming, hugging, high-fiving, yelling those ridiculously obvious statements like “We won the Super Bowl!” that every sports fan in this situation feels the need to repeat over and over, as if to reassure himself that it’s true, chips flying around the living room that my mother had tried so hard to straighten up before company called. World Champions.

1) Rams over Buccaneers, 2000 NFC Championship Game. Why this game? Partly because it was my first real brush with sports success. Partly because it left a dream season alive (to be completed in the #2 moment). And partly because I was there, watching the climax unfold before my very eyes.

I’ve never felt so close to throwing up for an entire game. That’s how tense this was. The game had been billed as the unstoppable force (the Vermeil/Martz offense) meeting the immovable object (arguably Tony Dungy’s finest defense ever). And for fifty-five minutes, it looked like the latter would prevail. The entire place was on edge - you could feel the tension like static electricity in the air. The score was 6-5 Tampa Bay (I know, right?! We got a safety when they snapped it out of their own end zone. Totally insane.) when we finally mounted a drive with around five minutes remaining. And then, with 4:44 remaining (I still remember) and from 30 yards out, Warner lofted one up for grabs in the end zone right in front of our season ticket seats. I swear, time stopped for about 3 seconds, as the entire stadium held its breath. Proehl goes up. The defender goes up. Silence. They tangle and fall. Silence. Proehl rises to his feet, holding the ball. The linesman gives the signal. Sheer pandemonium.

And after holding off one last valiant attempt by the Bucs (the sick feeling never left until the clock ran down), all I remember is my Dad and I yelling like crazy and the two of us high-fiving and hugging like we had just won the lottery. His 1994 investment had finally paid off. NFC Champions. We were going to the Super Bowl.

Anyway, that was my little self-indulgent trip down memory lane. Here's hoping that the year 2007 will see some additions to this list. Enjoy the season.

I Get It Now

2007-03-25T20:50:00.000-04:00

I know what I said about soccer, but I don't care. I also know what I said about this first guy, but I also believe in eating my words when proven wrong. I am pro...

Landon Donovan. I finally understand. It's taken several years, but I get it now. I used to think that the hype was unjustified - that he was merely U.S. soccer's desperate attempt at creating some buzz for the sport. (Which, by the way, could actually be what's happening with Freddy Adu.) I thought that he wasn't that good - that maybe he could play the star with his little MLS team in Los Angeles, but that he was a bust in Germany and not a truly international caliber player. I was expectant of - when others seemed surprised by, or at least disappointed with - his lackluster performance in the World Cup. I realize now that I was probably wrong to pass judgment so soon.

Instead, I should have been surprised by his play in the WC, because he is capable of playing at an extremely high level, as he's shown in the past few weeks. He's been a holy terror for his last few performances on the international stage. He has scored in the last three USA fixtures against Denmark, Mexico, and Ecuador, all victories. When he's on, he's nearly unstoppable. His pace is shocking, his first touch surprisingly good for someone not born and bred in Brazil or the Netherlands.

And he can finish. My goodness, can he finish. Not only is he the best midfielder on the U.S. team, he's the best striker as well, which presents all sorts of issues for interim manager Bob Bradley. (Who, for the record, should be given the permanent head coaching job.) Take a look at his hat trick from today's friendly against Ecuador, a fine team that performed well during last year's World Cup and boasts names like Edison Mendez, Ivan Hurtado, and Carlos Tenorio. Enjoy Landon's left footed volley from the FIRST MINUTE of play. Watch as he takes his breakaway chance with consummate professionalism to break the 1-1 deadlock in the 66th minute. And then, seconds later, scream the expletive of your choice (that's what I did) when he unleashes a cracker from outside the box into the top right corner.

Of course, I'm not ready to proclaim him America's savior and predict a sudden onset of international success. But where I once thought that notion absurd, I am now ready to say that it COULD happen. With the skill he's shown, Donovan has a chance to be truly great, and provided he stays healthy, lead the USA to heights previously unknown. It's hard to explain, but he's got that look about him that one expects from a captain and a leader, especially one with unfinished business baggage and a chip on his shoulder (see: Nash, Steve). He's already on pace to become the USA's all-time leading scorer in international competition within the year (tied with my boy McBride at 30 and 4 behind the insufferable Eric Wynalda). Calling him, as I did, "a puss who couldn't hack it in Europe" was pretty unfair. (Especially because the Bundesliga plays a very different style from the MLS and even the EPL that takes some getting used to, etc.) Anyway, sorry Landon. I get it now.

The brand new USA third strip. So fresh and so clean. Love those vertical stripes. It looks even better with the name and numbers on it. If it weren't the worst possible idea, I'd probably waste some more money honoring my new man-crush (see above).

Peyton Manning on SNL. Hilarious. This skit was particularly good.

Buried within all this jingoistic soccer sentiment I've been feeling have been the things I am anti...

Joakim Noah. No explanation required, I think. And maybe too easy.

The first thing that comes up on youtube when you type "Vitale" and search. It's also the one thing that has inspired me on multiple occasions to change the channel from CBS instead of just hitting mute. The images are just too disturbing, especially that sped-up sequence of Dickie V chasing a basketball. I can't exactly pinpoint what's so off-putting about this commercial (the music is certainly a contributing factor), but whatever it is, it completely detracts from any enjoyment I might receive from visiting or even thinking about Hooters restaurants. If anyone can pin down what about this specific ad makes me want to die, please let me know immediately.

The Office. The only non-sports related thing on my mind. Where the hell is it? Let's see, the last time a new episode aired was February 22nd, which is now over a month ago. I understand that because the show is actually good, it takes time to write and produce episodes. But taking well over a month between air dates seems a bit excessive. Maybe I'm just in withdrawal. I also just can't wait to see how Roy handles Pam's confession. I'm giving 10:1 odds that a punch is thrown.

Jake Velker's in This Bitch with the Terror

2007-03-14T22:55:00.000-04:00

Let's make this short but sweet. In and out, like a robbery. I am pro...

Jared from Subway getting fat again. Because it's absolutely hilarious that they keep trotting him out for commercials. Has anyone else noticed this? They even got him a lousy tan job so that he'd look less fat. The fact that he looks chubby next to Michael Strahan means that there is something seriously wrong.

Dirk Nowitzki's ridiculous sneer every time he realizes that nobody can possibly guard him. He deserves to be the MVP. Next time I play squash, I'm going to put on the Dirk face whenever I make a kill shot. (However, as I write this, Steve Nash has just scored 10 points in the last 55 seconds of the Suns-Mavs game to tie it up and send it to OT. Hmm.)

My friend Jake actually making it rain...
In front of a large audience.
With 500 dollars.
In ones.
On a life-size cardboard cutout.
Of himself.

Jake, there are no words. I didn't believe it at first, but then some kind soul put it on youtube. I have no idea how I'll ever top this.

Acting as an inspiration for others. So I was poking around on facebook (I know, I know) the other day and I came across a friend from high school's page. I clicked on his website link and... does this blog look familiar? Because it does to me. I know there's a limited number of templates, but the title, the description, and some of the posts seem vaguely familiar. Maybe I'm just prone to self-aggrandizement, but I think someone besides Juan likes to copy Jim Stanley. At any rate, it looks like Reid is winning the post-count so I can't say much.

What? Uh, what?

Henry staying for life at Arsenal. YESSSSS. This means my new jersey will stay relevant for awhile. More on why this is such a good thing in another post. (PS: I know what I said. But I had to mention this.)

James Purefoy taking over Rome with his portrayal of Marc Antony. With Caesar gone, he's had to pick up the slack. And though he's prone to hamming it up a little bit, he's created one of the most fascinating and nuanced characters I've seen on TV in a while. Here's a little clip from the beginning of the season. I wish I were Marc Antony.

I am anti...

Karen Filippelli's lack of any discernible character flaws on The Office. I'm still waiting for a reason why Jim should like Pam more. And not seeing it.

Receiving an immediate deluge of mail from Hilary Clinton and Barack Obama asking for my money. Ah, the perks of a registered democrat. Look guys, I'm not sold on either one of you, female and black though you may respectively be. Holler after the primaries. And let's see what John Edwards does. We'll talk about this later.

The end of Dan's Deal. This infuriated me several months ago and I continue to seethe every time I think about it. For those of you who don't know, Dan's Deal was Del Taco's greatest invention. Half pound bean and cheese burrito + two tacos for TWO DOLLARS! And if you went to a restaurant with particularly inept or stoned employees (read: every one), you could get those tacos replaced with chicken soft tacos for no charge. It was the perfect amount of food for 3 AM. And such a good price. Come back, Dan's Deal.

A Series of Unfortunate Soccer Events

2007-03-02T17:27:00.000-05:00

So, the wheels seem to have come off for Arsenal. In retrospect, it seems like it was bound to happen. I'm going to spend some time on this, and then (I promise) I'll drop soccer completely for my next few posts. It's not entertaining for anyone to read and it's definitely taking up too much of my focus. It's more for me than for anyone else, really. It's not healthy to spend so much time thinking about how I am anti...

Philippe Senderos getting pwned twice by Didier Drogba in the Carling Cup. The first time, he kept Drogba "onside" through a sloppy attempt at the offside trap (I personally think he was off, but Senderos made it too close for the ref to call), and the second time, the Chelsea striker headed a ball right over the top of him. I understand that he's young, but this is not the first time his shoddy defending has let a game slip away from us. Gallas (despite his poor showing against PSV), should have made the start at center back rather than the young Swiss international, who has notably struggled against Drogba in the past. He's got a long way to go.

Arsenal's complete lack of creativity against Blackburn. Great. So now we have to win by two against PSV at home (or win 1-0 and then penalties) if we want any chance of silverware. Because we sure got our asses knocked out of the FA Cup by Blackburn in a major way. Wenger can complain all he wants about injuries and the unfair suspensions following the brawl with Chelsea keeping our top players out (this is the more valid excuse; we were without Henry, Rosicky, Fabregas, van Persie, Flamini, Adebayor, Eboue, Toure, and Hoyte) and the two penalties that should have been awarded, but in the end, Blackburn took advantage of our failure to overcome the dull, defensive football they played and made the most of it. (Little surprise that it was Senderos who was beaten again - this time, of course, Wenger had no choice but to play him.) Hats off to them.

Trying to avoid the eating of my own words. Following a string of mediocre games at the beginning of the season, I confidently predicted that Arsenal would rally to finish in the Top Three. They're currently in fourth place, which is good enough for a Champion's League spot (and where they finished last year), but they're in danger of losing it to Bolton at any moment. I never thought I'd say this, but I hope Man U beats Liverpool tomorrow.

There have been a few bright spots, however. The silver lining is in what I am pro...

Anna Liffey's Irish Pub and Restaurant. Which is where I watched the Carling Cup final. Populated by British and Irish ex-pats (and mostly Arsenal supporters), it's become my new favorite place to spend weekend mornings. One can enjoy a full Irish breakfast while discussing soccer with 60 year olds who think it's OK to drink beer at 9 AM and yell things like "quality finish!" when goals are scored. I only wish I'd known about their soccer-viewing club four years ago.

John Terry's speedy recovery following one of the worst injuries I've ever seen on live TV. This was absolutely sickening (prepare to cringe). You knew it was bad when players from both teams started screaming and motioning to the sidelines for medics. Even in the pub, which had been fairly lively for 10 AM on a Sunday morning, everyone went dead silent. Terry seems like a real stand-up guy and a true leader on the field (he insisted on playing the Carling Cup despite being carted off the previous game). I'm glad he's OK.

Theo Walcott opening his Arsenal account with a sick goal. Hope this is the start of something special.

Drogba's personal mission to hit the back of the net every time he enters the box. Say what you want, but the man knows how to score. It took him awhile to get used to the Premiership, but once acclimated, he's been a holy terror. He's not just a poacher anymore, either. Some of his strikes from long range (against Liverpool and Everton) have been absurd. Mad respect.

Anyway, that's it for soccer for awhile... I don't think I (or anyone who might read this) can take anymore. For next time: The Office, Presidential Democrats, the end of Dan's Deal (this has been bothering me for a long time), Jered from Subway getting fat again, and Rome amongst other things.

A Massive Setback

2007-02-20T16:35:00.000-05:00

I am anti...

The end of the streak (PSV Eindhoven 1, Gunners 0). The comeback kids couldn't do enough and Arsenal couldn't have picked a worse time to lose their first game of 2007. Wenger himself stated that this game could make or break the season, and while I thought that was a bit drastic, he must be kicking himself now. PSV beat us at our own game - crisp passes, quick counterattacks, and just enough defensive disruption - and I have to tip my cap to them. Especially to their keeper, Gomes, who made a stunning save on Fabregas after he and Rosicky combined for the almost-equalizer. That being said, Gallas had a terrible return from injury, Gilberto didn't control the midfield like he usually does, and King Henry was a complete non-factor. Anyway, now we have to make sure the walls don't come crashing down. We still have a shot to advance at home, provided we win by a two-goal margin. And we have to focus on Chelski for Sunday's League Cup Final - it's almost certainly our best chance to win any silverware this year. All in all, very disappointing, but not yet a crushing blow.

I am pro...

The Onion. It's been awhile since I read this fake news website that was a staple of my high school years. Now I can't remember why I stopped. Four of their recent articles have been absolutely hilarious, proving that though the Daily Show may have taken fake news to the next level, The Onion should not be forgotten:

College Freshman Cycles Rapidly Through Identities

I Marched Against Racism - And It Worked

Drunk Driver in the Zone

Point/Counterpoint: This Man Obviously Has Substance Abuse Problems and No Capacity to Love vs. But You Love Him!

If You Love Your Chick...

2007-02-17T14:27:00.000-05:00

Then for the love of God don't let her near R. Kelly. I am pro...

The King of R&B Being a Go Getta, a Flirt, and a Rainmaker. His recent guest spots have been so ridiculously good. Has there ever been someone so guaranteed to boost a song into the stratosphere with a hook? Also, R singing about "making it rain" on hoes is perhaps the most inappropriately awesome thing I've heard in a long time. It's pretty much the musical equivalent of that book OJ wrote but didn't publish. This has been disturbing to me for about two months and I just had to say something. Does it not bother anyone else? The sheer audacity is stunning.

MAAAAAASHHH DA GAAAAAZZ. For your consideration:

Juvenile: The Way I Be Leanin

Birdman & Lil Wayne: Stuntin' Like My Daddy

DJ Unk: Walk It Out

Akon: I Wanna Love You

Young Dro: Rubberband Banks

DJ Khaled: Holla At Me

Young Jeezy: I Luv It

If you've ever wondered what I do with my free time, now you know. My dream is to someday move from enjoying this art form to becoming an active participant. It looks so sweet. Also, the current standings for "Rapper Whose Voice Best Lends Itself to Being Chopped and Screwed":

1. Juve the Great
2. Weezy F. Baby
3. Mike "Broken Promises" Jones
4. Paul Wall (but only when he says "holla at me baby")
5. Skip and Wacko (because honestly, they might as well be the same person)

Rick Ross and Slim Thug miss out because their voices are already so absurdly low that chopping and screwing them makes no difference.

And while we're on the subject, I am anti...

MAAAAAASHHH DA GAAAAAZZ. But only for this one song. This will seriously mess you up: for your own sake, don't click this link.

This Flurry of Recent Activity...

2007-02-16T15:04:00.000-05:00

Pretty much demands that I continue at my current updating pace. I am pro...

A Return to Reality for The Office. Just a couple days ago I complained that Michael's character was becoming too unrealistic and that he was losing all his (admittedly few) admirable qualities. Evidently my opinion holds a lot of weight at NBC because they responded with a great episode last night.

A New Album from Ball and G. Eightball looks like he's lost weight! Of course it always worries me when fat rappers declare things like "my demise ain't here - don't hold your breath." I seem to remember somebody else announcing "I just lost 100 pounds - I'm tryin' to live!" and then promptly suffer a fatal heart attack.

Ridiculous Slang Entering My Vocabulary. Yadadamean?

I am anti...

St. Louis's Recent Setback in Procuring an MLS Team. I'm tired of waiting. And I really wanted to see an end to a team called "Real Salt Lake." So stupid.

(PS: When St. Louis does get its expansion team, if the words "Real" or "United" are somehow involved, I can't promise full support. St. Louis Football Club would suffice. STLFC. How sweet is that? And if MLS insists on a nickname, we can always be the Arches or something.)

Another Year, Another Incredible Lineup

2007-02-15T03:11:00.000-05:00

I'm referring, of course, to what I am and will always be pro...

Bonnaroo! For those who might not know, Bonnaroo is quite simply the best music festival the United States of America has to offer. The setting is perfect (rural Tennessee is gorgeous in the summer and provides the perfect opportunity to get sunburned and sweaty). The lineup has something for everyone, and at any given moment, you're able to choose between several bands that you'd normally kill to see live (if anything, the choices one is forced to make are the only downside). The setup is great. The DJ tent rocks. There are Q and A's with some of the artists. The midnight concerts are mind-blowing (especially if My Morning Jacket is involved in any way). The food is greasy and delicious (and if you like rabbit food, they've got that as well). The hippies and the hipsters... well actually, they can be sort of lame. But I'll tell you one thing: nobody fights. There's a lot of love, baby.

I made my first trip last year, and what's more, I made it in style thanks to some connections. (I don't want to say too much about this for fear of jinxing my chances at the upcoming festival.) At any rate, though, we ended up with passes that entitled us to better campgrounds, backstage passes, a little mingling with the artists, and most importantly, free food and discounted drinks in the VIP tent! In all seriousness, though, it destroyed any possibility that I could fully enjoy a concert ever again. Bonnaroo itself has that power, but the added treatment really did annihilate all my expectations. So now I'm like a junkie waiting for his fix. And they've answered; take a look at the current lineup for 2007 that was announced yesterday. I can name no fewer than 20 acts that I can't wait to see. What's absurd is that the list will continue to grow in the days running up to the concert. Hope to see you there.

(Note: One of the funniest things about getting the VIP passes was the fact that we got to camp out and listen to concerts in the press sections. In fact, our tent was literally next door to the contingency from Pitchfork. At night, we got to listen in on some intense discussions/arguments about indie music of all kinds. One topic of considerable concern was that the masses wouldn't properly appreciate last year's headlining act Radiohead. There were lots of snide jokes about frat boys and the song "Creep." I swear to God, you can't make this stuff up.)

I am anti...

My Team Trying to Give Me a Heart Attack for About the Fifth Time in the Last Few Weeks. Alright guys. Enough is enough. I know you thrive under pressure, but it's time to stop playing with me. I haven't been this up and down since the Cardinals nearly tanked their playoff hopes and then turned around to made their heroic run. Look, I know you made the trip to a stadium where you've had much recent failure and did so without arguably the three best players on the squad (Henry, Fabregas, Lehmann). But failing to score the killer goal on AN OPEN NET? Letting Bolton score in injury time when all you had to do was hold on? Missing not one, but TWO penalties from the spot? (Brazilians missing no less, as Wenger wryly noted after the match.) Ljungberg having to take the game into his own hands and force home the winner? (Actually that made me really happy... there's been a severe lack of midfield scoring with him out.) At first I thought getting Fox Soccer Channel would be a good thing. Now I worry that it may be the death of me. Actually, forget I said all that. This was awesome.

Snap Judgments. Usually I'm in favor of these, actually. But in this case I'm referring specifically to my harsh judgment of Bloc Party's Weekend in the City. A comparison to Dontrelle Willis' sophomore season wasn't entirely fair. After a few more listens, it's definitely more like Huston Street last season. It's really quite good, and has some truly great moments, but at the end of the day it's just not quite as exciting as the debut. But totally worth a listen, nonetheless. (Bloc Party still has more upside than Huston, though. Especially after Magglio ate his soul in the ALCS.)

Drawing Parallels

2007-02-14T14:46:00.000-05:00

Just to mix things up, let's start with what I'm anti...

Clap Your Hands Say Yeah’s Sophomore Album (Some Loud Thunder) Being Exactly Like Eric Hinske’s Sophomore Slump. Which is to say somewhat expected, quite real, and pretty disappointing.

Bloc Party’s Sophomore Album (A Weekend in the City) Being Just a Little Better Than Dontrelle Willis’s Sophomore Year. A few shining moments, but really, one expects a lot better. And knows it’ll be forthcoming.

Valentine’s Day.

The Old Switcheroo. Which is what they’ve pulled on HBO’s Rome with the character of Octavian Caesar. Just last post I was ready to rave about the awesomeness of the show, and in particular the acting ability displayed by young Max Pirkis as Octavian. He was perfect for the role. I would go so far as to say that aside from Julius Caesar in the first season and Titus Pullo, he was the best character. I have no idea why they felt the need to suddenly replace him with Simon Woods, a man who makes it seem as though Octavian has gone from 18 to 28 overnight. In history, the sheer brilliance of Octavian’s rise was the fact that he WAS eighteen when he entered the political arena, presumably LOOKED eighteen (Marc Antony, Lepidus, and others consistently underestimated him), and used these things to his advantage to become one of the most powerful men the world has ever known. What the hell, Rome?

Michael Scott’s Steadily Declining Credibility. A lot of the wedding stuff was in line with his character, no doubt. But when he yelled “I hate you” to Bob Vance after being forcibly removed from the stage, I just couldn’t find that believable. More likely would have been a brief confrontation ending with him walking slowly back down to his seat and a silent room. The same thing goes for Prison Mike in “The Convict” and much of his behavior in “A Benihana Christmas.” Part of what made him so attractive was that he was believably ignorant of his own offensiveness. Only a mentally retarded person could fail to realize some of his recent actions constitute serious social blunders.

The Football Jersey Arms Race. I started things off slow, purchasing a plain club replica jersey to show some Gooner love. No name, no patches; I just wanted to support the team as a whole. But then my friend Jake went and upstaged me with this find. Michael Essien. Name, Number, Premier League Badges, the whole shebang. And it looks so sweet. Now I’m wondering what I should do to retaliate. The options are numerous:

Go USA. And get that McBride Away I’ve been talking about for so long.

Go Arsenal (again). Definitely the Away this time. But this is tricky. Should I go 05-06 or 06-07? Henry, Fabregas, Rosicky, or Van Persie?

Go to Italy. InterMilan has been my Serie A club of choice. Home or Away? Ibrahimovic, Figo, Adriano, or Crespo?

That was stupid. I’m so sorry. I guess now would be a good time to discuss those things that I am pro...

The Arcade Fire’s Sophomore Album (Neon Bible) Being More Like Albert Pujol’s “Sophomore Slump” Than Anything Else. Which is to say virtually nonexistent.

Ryan Adams’ SEVENTEEN NEW ALBUMS!? Under the respective pseudonyms of DJ Reggie, Rhoda Ro, Ghetto Birds, The Shit, and Werewolph. Absolutely absurd. Of course, there are a few gems in there; who can resist songs entitled “Drunk and in Jail for Arson,” “Get Scared, Throw Up, Die” “I’m Going to Kill Myself in the Face” and “Space Is Big (Whatever)?”

Arsenal’s Comeback Kids. Can’t stop, won’t stop. Ever since I raved about the incredible Man U comeback, the Gunners have continued to play games in exactly that fashion. It’s not good for my heart, but it sends me home satisfied and smiling (TWSS). Let’s do a quick rundown:

League Cup Semifinal vs. Tottenham Hotspur (2-2): Down 2-0 at the break. Julio “the Beast” Baptista scores a terrible own goal but then answers the call in the second half not once, but twice, to force a draw and a replay.

FA Cup vs. Bolton Wanderers (1-1): Down 1-0, Kolo Toure scores the late equalizer to force a replay.

League Cup Semifinal vs. Tottenham Hotspur (3-1): With the score even after regular time, Aliadiere and Rosicky (though it was credited as an own goal) respond in extra time to put Arsenal in the final against Chelsea.

vs. Middlesbrough (1-1): Down a man (after a terrible call by the official) and a goal, Henry immediately responds to keep us unbeaten in all ’07 matches.

vs. Wigan Athletic (2-1): Down a goal (and it was a spectacular one at that – full credit), Arsenal storm back in the 81^st and 85^th minutes to win on a spectacular header from Rosicky.

Unbeaten at the Emirates, unbeaten in all 2007 league and cup matches. As I write, we face a stiff test at Bolton in the FA Cup replay. Fingers crossed.

Pitchers and Catchers Reporting. Baseball's back! Man, did I miss it. Perhaps that was apparent from my insistence on comparing eagerly awaited indie rock albums to recent rookies of the year. Title defense begins now!

Demands Answered (Supplement)

2007-02-01T17:01:00.000-05:00

How could I forget this? The one thing I wanted to gloat about from the past two weeks! Evidently, I was so engrossed in the NFL I forgot about the other football in my life. I'm overwhelmingly pro...

Robin Van Persie and Thierry Henry stunning Manchester United in the last ten minutes of the best soccer game I've ever watched live. Truly an incredible finish. Down 1-0 and struggling to maintain an unbeaten record at the new Emirates Stadium, my Gunners came up huge. Van Persie came on and equalized (watch Henry flick it back to him - unBELIEVable) at the 83rd minute. Props to Fabregas and Rosicky for winning a tough ball.

And then in injury time, the great man himself took down the best team in the league. I love the dance he's started doing with Adebayor after every goal. Here's another link - my favorite part of this one is the announcers talking about how Arsenal should be happy to leave with a draw. Now, Arsenal have defeated Man U twice in one season (something that hasn't happened to them in years) and left the title race wide open for Chelsea, Liverpool, and themselves. Truly the best rivalry in club soccer over the last few years.

Arsenal's advance to the Finals of the Carling Cup after defeating Tottenham. Holla. Chelsea, beware.

Demands Answered

2007-02-01T15:52:00.000-05:00

Yeah, so I took a month off. Many things have happened that deserved/begged for my opinion. But I ignored them, hoping that real life could supplant the joy I receive from analyzing and complaining about random crap. I was wrong, clearly. And much like Carmelo Anthony, I’ve returned a half-step slower and allowed someone else to take the NBA scoring spotlight. (Juan Arhancet is the Gilbert Arenas in this situation; his blog has been thriving in my absence.

However, like a proud father, it only gives me joy to note his ascension. It is every parent’s dream to see his child equal and eventually surpass him.) At any rate, I’m back now baby, so show me some love. The Super Bowl is just a few days away, so let’s talk football. I am pro…

Masochism. As many of you who have no lives might know, during the weeks running up to the Super Bowl, ESPN’s daily programming always consists of NFL Films recaps of past championship games. (This happens a lot, actually.) And for the past few years, I end up watching. Even though they go in order, I always miss seeing the greatest Super Bowl of all time (XXXIV, obviously), but somehow manage to arrive just in time for the second-greatest Super Bowl of all time, (XXXVI). This game has another name for me, though; I call it “the saddest sports day of my life.”

Yet for some reason, I ALWAYS WATCH IT. It makes me sick. I scream at the television and Kurt Warner’s injured thumb. I still think we have a chance. I jump for joy when Proehl darts his way into the end zone and then immediately sit down and mutter the same words I said on that fateful day five years ago: “Too much time. We scored too soon.” I watch, stupefied with horror and awe as Brady picks his way down the field. And then I turn off the TV right before that Vinatieri guy does that thing he does (win championships) and sulk for the remainder of the day. Which leads me to…

Karma. For the Patriots, that is. Honestly, they didn’t think this could go on forever, right? You don’t win three Super Bowl’s on the foot of one man (I know the last one wasn't really a game-winner, but still) and then trade him away to your biggest rival. That AFC Championship game was years of karma catching up with them. Don’t even get me started on the old, white Juvenile of football, Mr. Peyton Manning. This column would last forever.

Anyway, I’m calling it now: Vinatieri hits the game-winner on Sunday. He’s successfully dashed the hopes of St. Louis (above, you can see him stealing my soul), Philadelphia, and two states pretending to be one. I’ll bet he’s licking his lips with the thought of how many dreams he can ruin in the city of Chicago.

Torry Holt, Marc Bulger, and Stephen Jackson on the NFC Pro-Bowl team. What’s interesting about this is that Torry, by the numbers, had one of the worst seasons of his career. That being said, I’ve always argued that he is far and away the finest receiver in the NFL. This has often struck my fellow fans as a ludicrous claim; they ask how I’m willing to throw around that title when names like T.O., Randy Moss, Chad Johnson, Steve Smith, and Marvin Harrison all make deserving cases. This is what I say:

I concede that Owens, Moss, and Johnson are better pure athletes than Holt. They’re bigger (Owens and Johnson are simply freaks of nature, while Moss is built like Peter Crouch after a long night at the buffet table) and they’re all probably a little faster while offering similar hand skills. That being said, they’re all big mouths that add a lot to a team when it’s playing well, but are easily identified as sources of tension and locker room cancer when things go south. Which one of them wears a Super Bowl ring? Would you actually want any of them as teammates? Johnson is probably the least offensive of the three, but his on the field antics are silly and distracting. Also, what did Moss do this past season? Besides not run over a police officer, I mean.

Smith is awesome, but he’s shown that he’s injury prone, and when push comes to shove, it’s sometimes a risk to throw him that deep ball when the cornerback might have a few inches on him instead of the usual vice versa. Harrison is one of the finest route runners the game has ever seen (along with my boy Isaac Bruce and the incomparable Jerry Rice), but he’s aging, and it’s a stretch to think he’d have the same kind of production if Mr. Laser-Rocket arm himself weren’t feeding him the ball. Holt has had comparable (if not better) numbers than all of these candidates, and put them up more consistently to boot (six straight seasons of 1300-plus yardage, anyone?). He’s reliable, he’s capable of catching the quick slant for the first down or burning his man for the big play. He’s a team player and all evidence points to him being the definition of class on and off the field. He’s got a Super Bowl ring and he’s well on his way to becoming one of the best receivers EVER (which nobody ever seems to mention). The fact that his level of production hasn’t fallen off that much even though the greatest show on turf has closed shop demonstrates his greatness. Though it’s been a bit of a down year for him, he is more than deserving of starting the pro-bowl (especially in a down year for NFC receivers in general). It offends me that he doesn’t start every year.

As for Bulger and S-Jack, it’s becoming increasingly clear that the former, when given a chance, is one of the finest quarterbacks in the league and that the latter has a chance to actually be great in his own right. My disgust with the Rams offensive line is well-documented, so I’ll spare my five readers the indignity of sitting through another tirade aimed at the inverse relationship between the coolness of Richie Incognito’s name and the quality of his play on the field. I’ll just boil it down to this: if Bulger has time, he will tear up even the finest defenses. Case in point: the game against the Bears, which was the first time all season a team had really racked up some points on them. Bulger didn’t even have any protection, and he was being hurried, hit, or outright sacked on EVERY PLAY. He must have spent two days in ice after the asskicking he took. His final numbers: 34/55, 356 yards, 3 TD, 1 pick. Just imagine what he could have done with a few more seconds each down.

Jackson, meanwhile, is redefining the Rams entire offensive identity, and I love it. It deserves its own column, so I’ll discuss S-Jack later.

My fourth annual “Best Albums” list. It’s over now, but compiling it made me realize that it was actually not a bad year for music at all. This one might be epic, though.

PS: My Chemical Romance probably deserved mentioning for their stellar album The Black Parade. Talk about a band that’s unafraid of greatness. They might just be this generation’s Smashing Pumpkins (especially if quality of music videos is taken into account). I laughed when I read their lead singer’s claims that they were influenced by Queen, The Beatles, and Pink Floyd when making this album. Little did I know that I would actually hear those influences, and that the album would be even better than 2004’s Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge.

PPS: I already know what’s headed straight to the top of my Best of 2007 list. Congrats to Jose, Lexy and the rest of the Shakes on the successful release of their first EP, Burning Birthdays. Here’s some advice to the readers: buy it. It’s quite good. Allmusic gave it 4.5 stars of 5. Even notoriously tough graders Stylus magazine hollered at them with an A-. More advice: don’t miss the chance to see a killer live show and peep them on their ongoing US tour. Tell the bassist with the big glasses that Jim Stanley thinks Matsuzaka makes the Sox rotation the scariest that baseball has seen in awhile. He’ll understand.

This jersey. Except it’s #20 and says “McBride” on the back because Landon Donovan is a puss who couldn’t hack it in Europe. As soon as I get that money I’m owed (a grand don’t come for free, after all) I’m going to wisely invest it in honoring a U.S. soccer legend who has declared his retirement from international competition. And while we’re on the subject of America…

USA! USA! USA! It happened awhile ago, but how could I not mention this? (Warning: pictures contain some nudity and pretty girls kissing one another.) Actually, I think she would have represented the state of Nevada quite well.

The forthcoming Reno 911 movie. For your consideration.

The HBO Original Series: Rome. Oh man, I can’t even get started on this. Maybe next month.

Lots of positive stuff. Let's see if i can find anything that I am anti…

People insisting on referring to LaDainian Tomlinson as LT. My boy Juan is with me on this one. In the meantime, though, I’ve been calling him L-Tom, which I recently decided is too close to the original and too easy. Instead, we should call him “one of the greatest runningbacks of all time,” (because he is) which I’ve helpfully shortened to Ootgroat. I hope it catches on:

Did you see Ootgroat bust out that 20 yard TD dash? Man, Ootgroat is so good. I wish Ootgroat hadn’t acted so belligerently after that loss to the Patriots. I hate myself.

Being a bad blogfriend.

A conversation for your viewing pleasure:

juanshopkins: just so you know

juanshopkins: much like a bad girlfriend, i got so used to you commenting on my blog i was upset when you didnt, then i kept wondering if you had read it, then i thought maybe you didnt like it, and when i saw you had updated i wanted to cry cuz that meant you had clearly read mine but still didnt comment, then i thought id punish you by not commenting on your most recent

juanshopkins: im basically telling you that during finals week i become an emotional girl

JimEdStan: juan, i'm very sorry

JimEdStan: also

JimEdStan: i'm going to post that on my blog

juanshopkins: HAHAHAHHAAH

juanshopkins: please dont

JimEdStan: haha alright

JimEdStan: but it'd be funny

JimEdStan: you have to admit

juanshopkins: it would

juanshopkins: its your decision

JimEdStan: i'm actually laughing out loud right now

juanshopkins: me too

JimEdStan: would you be angry, is what i'm saying

juanshopkins: of course not

JimEdStan: because i honestly do care about your opinion and if i were to post it and it made you upset and not want to read my blog, i'd probably just get really miserable and stop posting which would create a never-ending cycle of mistrust and sadness

juanshopkins: hahahahahahaahahah

juanshopkins: hahhahahahahahah

As you can see, I’m all about treating my online relationships as seriously as my real ones (not really, but play along). Thus, it was a real wake-up call when my most loyal supporter admitted these feelings of neglect. I instantly decided to remedy the situation.

JimEdStan: check later for comments

JimEdStan: i'll be a good blogfriend again

JimEdStan: i promise

juanshopkins: dont humor comment me damnt

JimEdStan: just give me one more chance

JimEdStan: i would never do that

JimEdStan: i do it because i want to

juanshopkins: hahahahahahah i know jim, i know

JimEdStan: you know that

juanshopkins: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

juanshopkins: im hysterically laughing

JimEdStan: as am i

juanshopkins: this is terrible

But as you can see, things become hard once the topic is broached. Now, whenever I leave a comment on Juan’s blog, he’ll be happy, but in the back of his mind he’ll be wondering if I’m humor-commenting (I’m not). Just like a real relationship. Basically, I’m just going to have to earn back his trust. It’s a long hard road ahead, but I know I can be a good blogfriend. I’m better than this.

Best Albums of 2006 (Part II)

2006-12-19T00:18:00.000-05:00

juanshopkins: im reading your blowg
juanshopkins: its quite epic
juanshopkins: homer-esque

Thank you, Juan. It certainly has been a winding road. To those of you who read the whole thing last time: stop lying, I know you didn’t. Anyway, let’s get to the good stuff (before I run the risk of having my opinions warped by stupid websites like Pitchfork). I am pro...

My fourth annual "Best Albums" list. But first, more caveats and excuses. I'm going to milk this baby for all it's worth. Here are the five albums that I’ll wish I’d put in the Top Five in roughly a month. I’m not going to even bother agonizing about my decision by writing out a long explanation (it was hard enough doing it for Yo La Tengo the other day). Instead, I’m giving the reasons for omission in exactly three words each. I might explain at some point, but for now, I don’t want to convince myself into switching things around.

Modern Times (Bob Dylan): Same old thing.

Pink (Boris): Can’t speak Japanese.

Return to the Sea (Islands): Too damn cute.

I Am Not Afraid of You and I Will Beat Your Ass (Yo La Tengo): You already know.

The Inspiration (Young Jeezy): Clipse are better.

OK, now I’m really done fucking around.

THE BEST ALBUMS OF 2006

5. FutureSex/LoveSounds (Justin Timbaland… er, Timberlake)

In my last post, I mentioned in passing that indie rockers …And You Will Know Us By the Trail of Dead have no conception of what it means to be afraid of greatness. Perhaps that’s a bit cryptic, so I’ll explain. Essentially, I was trying to say that the band as a whole never stops what it’s doing, sits back, and says “I wonder if people won’t like this” or “Nobody has ever really done this before… I wonder if it will fail.” You can just tell this doesn’t happen. And if it does, it never happens during the process of making the music itself. They have an artistic vision, know exactly what they want to accomplish, and damn the torpedoes, they’re going full-speed ahead with it. This, of course, requires a certain degree of cockiness (see: Oasis, perhaps the cockiest band of all time and the one that tops the list of those that fear not greatness), which Trail of Dead clearly possess. It’s what allowed them to create one of the best rock albums ever (Source Tags and Codes) but also why Worlds Apart failed and why they were in Vintage Vinyl playing their stuff and not Riverport Amphitheatre (I refuse to call it UMB Bank Pavilion).

Back to the point: every artist on this list is unafraid of greatness. But especially Justin Timberlake. When the boy band wars of the late 90’s were unfolding, his presence alone allowed *N’Sync to make a run at the crown. And now that he’s gone solo, he’s two for two in the creation of incredibly good pop albums. He certainly doesn’t lack the cockiness; this is a skinny white dude who insists that he is “bringing sexy back.” Of course, it’s quite possible that this album could have been a massive failure, but a certain Timbaland makes sure that this doesn’t happen (just as he did for Justin’s female counterpart, Ms. Nelly Furtado). The whole layout of the album speaks to Timberlake’s boldness; instead of the usual 3 minute pop songs, you get 7 minute installations that combine songs, interludes, introductions, codas, etc. and create a cohesiveness that’s unexpected to say the least. Don’t even think about skipping ahead after one song ends – you might miss gems like the “I Think She Knows Interlude” that follows the upbeat “Lovestoned.” Did I mention it also has the single of the year? Easy pick.

(PS: I hope the next printing of his album contains this recent track which premiered on SNL . The censored version is almost better. Anyway, it's one of the funniest things SNL has done in awhile.)

4. Everything All the Time (Band of Horses)

Epic. That’s how Juan described my last blog entry. It’s also the perfect word to describe the kind of album Band of Horses have made with their debut. It’s true that lead singer Ben Bridwell sounds like the perfect amalgamation of Jim James (My Morning Jacket), James Mercer (The Shins), Brian Wilson, Neil Young, Wayne Coyne (The Flaming Lips) and Doug Martsch (Built to Spill). I’m sure I could think of more. But once you hear his voice, I think you'll find this is a good thing. Though one can hear the influences of these artists, there is a distinct brand of Americana that this Seattle band has perfected.

Indeed, the album is almost symphonic in nature, and almost every review I’ve seen can’t resist using the words “shimmering,” “anthemic,” or “triumphant” to describe it. The buildup to centerpiece song “The Funeral” is perfectly executed, and completely satisfying until one realizes that the comedown that follows, “Part One,” is actually a brief rest before the actual climax of the album (and it’s best track) on “The Great Salt Lake.” The songwriting and the lyrics are strong, but it is the gift for creating an atmosphere, an experience, that makes this album truly great.

Bonus points: The video for “The Great Salt Lake” makes me long for summer more than anything. I think it proves the central point I’ve been dancing around: if you don’t love Band of Horses, you don’t love America. There, I said it.

3. Hell Hath No Fury (Clipse)

Because nothing has been more personally satisfying for me than calling up my friends at ungodly hours and breathing into the phone the stuttering refrain of “bitch… I’m… trill… bitch… I’MSOTRILLL.” Anyway, I think we’ve already been over this. Just give it a listen.

2. The Hardest Way to Make an Easy Living (The Streets)

Original Pirate Material was a series of clever vignettes that revealed Mike Skinner to be a master of slang metaphor and the owner of some of the most unique teeth in the industry. But as good as the brief glimpses into British middle/lower class life were, it was all about the beats. A Grand Don’t Come for Free, on the other hand, was a narrative masterpiece that could have been (and sometimes was) presented over the barest of backing track. This album isn’t as good as either one of its predecessors, but it does successfully strike a balance between the two styles. The production is as good as it has ever been, and the beats are excellent though not as consistently catchy as OPM. Mike’s storytelling is also in top form, although the plot is certainly less complex or compelling than A Grand this time around: “it sucks to be a celebrity sometimes” can’t really top “I lost my life savings, drink and gamble too much, and vaguely suspect my girl was giving my best friend head in the coat room whilst I was busy tripping on mysterious pills.”

While A Grand was narrated by a fictional protagonist that happened to share Mike’s name and perhaps some of his proclivities, the voice in this album is unmistakably Skinner’s. This lends every song an intimate air that makes the listener alternately uncomfortable (“Prangin’ Out” opens the album with our hero coked out and contemplating suicide), amused (“When You Wasn’t Famous” details an actual fling with an unnamed pop star), and genuinely touched (“Never Went to Church,” written for the artist’s late father). We also get the Mike Skinner manual for living like a rockstar: the listener is taught in “War of the Sexes” how to snare a girl with a boyfriend, “All Goes Out the Window” advises that sexual indiscretions be kept from significant others at all costs, “Can’t Con an Honest John” lays out an ideal con-job (and reads like a movie script), while the best way to trash a hotel room is explained in “Hotel Expressionism.” It’s helpful stuff, and it makes for the second-best album of the year.

Bonus points: Skinner's willingness to poke fun at himself and let his latest signing do a killer remix of "When You Wasn't Famous." Also, the excellent song/video he released before Hardest Way in which he apologized for stealing a microphone from the BBC that he then used to record his last two albums.

1. The Crane Wife (The Decemberists)

A model of consistency and a staple on my best albums list, The Decemberists finally crack the top spot. At first I was going to say that if any of their past albums had been released this same year, it too would have taken the crown. But the more I’ve listened to The Crane Wife, the more I’ve come to realize that this might not be true, and that this is definitely their best album yet. The fact that they continue to improve with every album is ridiculous, considering every album could easily apply for Jim Stanley pantheon status. I thought they had reached their peak with last year’s Picaresque. Rawng.

People like to criticize bands for making the jump to a major label (as Colin Meloy and company did, leaving Kill Rock Stars for Capitol Records), and often fear a stifling of creative output. However, if anything, this jump has spurred the band’s innovative songwriting. They certainly haven’t embraced the mainstream (unless the mainstream has decided it wants twelve minute songs, Civil-War themed duets like “Yankee Bayonet,” sea chanteys, and ridiculously literate Victorian-era lyrics), although one could argue that the songs on The Crane Wife are some of their most immediately accessible (for example, “O, Valencia,” and “The Perfect Crime,” which is fighting with the Arctic Monkeys for best bassline of the year). As I said, their creativity has not suffered a bit, and indeed, one finds the band marrying elements of 70s and 80s prog-rock with their familiar indie quaintness. If this sounds weird, that’s because it definitely is, but what’s so strange is that they make it work so incredibly well. That’s not to say there is a lack of quiet, beautiful moments that one expects from a Decemberists album ("Shankhill Butchers," album coda “Sons and Daughters”), but the best songs are the 10+ minute epics (“The Island” and “The Crane Wife, Parts 1 and 2”) that recall The Tain, their 2005 EP.

I can see Dave Chappelle ordering me to wrap it up, so I’m just going to sum up in the most general terms why this album is great: it’s a departure from their past releases that retains their signature sound, there’s something for everybody in terms of the music, the lyrics are perhaps the best Meloy has ever penned, the album is their most focused and cohesive yet, the production is awesome (Ben Walla of Death Cab for Cutie at the helm again), and the loose framework centered around a sad Japanese myth allows for beautiful, sometimes depressing, ultimately uplifting music. Perfect. Album of the Year.

Best Albums of 2006 (Part I)

2006-12-10T23:46:00.001-05:00

jarnsteezy: update your blog
jarnsteezy: youre losing your only readers

I know, Jon. And I’m sorry. I’m a very busy man. As I’ve said many times before, real life is usually a lot more interesting than updating my blog. Right now, though, I welcome the escape. The Rams suck (not looking forward to tomorrow’s Monday Night match up against Chicago), stupid Michael Essien equalized with the goal of the season to rob Arsenal of two points, exams are forthcoming, and I need to start packing my yit for Jim Stanley’s first foray onto European soil. So I guess that sums up what I’m anti.

On to what I am pro…

My fourth annual “Best Albums” list. Well, sort of. This could easily fall under the “anti” category as I’ll explain later in more detail. Actually, I'll give you one reason right now, and that's the sheer length that this post has achieved. (That’s what she said.) As you’ll soon see, this is a rather epic entry, and so, for the first time ever, I’ve decided to break things up into two parts. Luckily, there’s a natural stopping point. Anyway, here you go:

I think its fair to say that human beings love lists. We take a strange joy out of categorizing things and empirically ranking them. And as a human being, I spend way too much time (especially when you consider the fact that I usually divulge my picks to all of about seven people) agonizing over what belongs on this list of what I consider to be the five best albums of the past year. For instance, last year, there were a dozen albums that easily made my short list. I spent hours replaying them, considering them, and after the choice was made, regretting my meaningless decisions. As this blog has only been in existence for several months, I think I’ll go ahead and recap the other years that have seen me waste valuable time thinking about something so arbitrary.

Talk about a tough year – this was the inaugural one:

Best Albums of 2003

1) The Meadowlands (The Wrens)

2) Give Up (The Postal Service)

3) Michigan (Sufjan Stevens)

4) Her Majesty (The Decemberists)

5) Transatlanticism (Death Cab for Cutie)

Also on the table: Boy in da Corner (Dizzee Rascal), Welcome Interstate Managers (Fountains of Wayne), Keep It Together (Guster), Hail to the Thief (Radiohead), Echoes (The Rapture), Rock N Roll (Ryan Adams), Chutes Too Narrow (The Shins), Logic Will Break Your Heart (The Stills), Room on Fire (The Strokes), Who Will Cut Our Hair When We’re Gone? (The Unicorns), Elephant (The White Stripes).

Best Albums of 2004

1) A Grand Don’t Come for Free (The Streets)

2) Funeral (The Arcade Fire)

3) Seven Swans (Sufjan Stevens)

4) Antics (Interpol)

5) Good News for People Who Love Bad News (Modest Mouse)

In the conversation: Talkie Walkie (Air), In a Safe Place (The Album Leaf), Franz Ferdinand (Franz Ferdinand), Thunder, Lightning, Strike (The Go! Team), Our Endless Numbered Days (Iron & Wine).

Best Albums of 2005

1) Illinois (Sufjan Stevens)

2) Apologies to the Queen Mary (Wolf Parade)

3) Picaresque (The Decemberists)

4) Clap Your Hands Say Yeah (Clap Your Hands Say Yeah)

5) Z (My Morning Jacket)

Others under review: Andrew Bird & the Mysterious Production of Eggs (Andrew Bird), Silent Alarm (Bloc Party), Plans (Death Cab for Cutie), Before the Dawn Heals Us (M83), A Certain Trigger (Maxïmo Park), Twin Cinema (The New Pornographers), Gimme Fiction (Spoon).

We’re not done yet, though. As you can see, these lists are completely devoid of all rap. That’s not an accident or an oversight on my part – in 2004, I made a separate Best Rap/Hip Hop list to address this problem:

Best Rap/Hip Hop of 2004

1) College Dropout (Kanye West)

2) Purple Haze (Cam’ron)

3) Urban Legend (T.I.)

Didn’t make the final cut: The Red Light District (Ludacris), Kamikaze (Twista).

This rather milquetoast showing was soon followed by what can only be called a banner year for southern rap and hip hop in general:

Best Rap/Hip Hop of 2005:

1) Let’s Get It: Thug Motivation 101 (Young Jeezy)

2) Who Is Mike Jones? (Mike Jones)

3) Tha Carter II (Lil’ Wayne)

Deserving of notice: Trill (Bun B), The Sound of Revenge (Chamillionaire), We Got It 4 Cheap, Vols. I & II (Clipse), Be (Common), Certified (David Banner), The Documentary (The Game), What the Game’s Been Missing! (Juelz Santana), Late Registration (Kanye West), The Cookbook (Missy Elliott), The Peoples Champ (Paul Wall), Already Platinum (Slim Thug), Most Known Unknown (Three 6 Mafia), United State of Atlanta (Ying Yang Twins).

So that brings us up to speed. As you can see, the lists are usually a blend of empirically good albums and absurd emotional attachments/snap judgments. There’s no other way to explain how groups fronted by Ben Gibbard took two spots on the top five of an extremely competitive 2003. Same with Mike Jones taking up a spot that in hindsight, almost certainly belongs to Clipse or Paul Wall. At the moment, I also feel very strongly that last year Wolf Parade deserved the top spot. But evidently, that’s not how I felt in December of each particular year, and I’m not one for revisionist history.

Of course, there were a few things I was willing to change. For instance, in 2004, I put the Streets (deservedly) as Album of the Year. But couldn’t it just as easily been Rap/Hip Hop Album of the Year? Same with Dizzee Rascal. Did I put them in the main category just because they’re British? Why did I make a separate category for rap/hip hop in the first place? Am I a racist?

The answers to these last three questions, of course, are “probably,” “I don’t know” and “wholeheartedly.” (For the record, I’m not a racist. It’s funny to think so, though.) So anyway, for this year, I’ve combined the lists. Another upgrade: in the past, because I didn’t have a blog, I just created the list and then made oral arguments in its defense to the three people who would feign interest. Now, there will be actual explanations for my inexplicable decisions.

Oh, and one more thing: I said earlier that I was almost inclined to put this list under the “anti” category. That’s because this was a weak year for new releases. Instead of having an overflowing pool to choose from, I found myself actively seeking out albums that could be potentially considered. And that’s always a bad sign. Anyway, without further ado, I give you…

THE (ALMOST) BEST ALBUMS OF 2006
Those that missed the cut and why.

So Divided (…And You Will Know Us By the Trail of Dead)

What it is: A return to form after the grandstanding and disappointing Worlds Apart (which only failed because the band has no conception of what it’s like to be afraid of greatness – they go for it all every time).

Deserves consideration because... Hey man, they made Source Tags and Codes. Don’t judge me. Anyway, peep track two “Stand in Silence” for evidence that ToD haven’t lost their ability to transition beautifully between quiet reflective moments and perfectly controlled rock mayhem. Try the title track for a song that’s oddly evocative of Oasis at its start and which launches into a rapid, driving beat that’s perfect for dashboard drumming.

Fatally flawed because... Despite the clear influences from The Beatles (“Eight Day Hell”), The Rolling Stones, and The Beach Boys, there’s some dead weight here they could have done without. “A Song of Fire and Wine” and “In the Realms of the Unreal” don’t add as much to the atmosphere as they probably hoped.

Whatever People Say I Am, That’s What I’m Not (Arctic Monkeys)

What it is: A solid debut album from young Englishmen with some very catchy tracks. Brash, cocksure lyrics about being young and British that I couldn’t possibly relate to delivered by a dude who looks like he’s fifteen years old and probably gets laid by dozens of gorgeous women with hot British accents every night. I hate him.

Deserves consideration because... Ending track “A Certain Romance” and the awesomely bass-lined “Fake Tales of San Francisco” are excellent. Also, the lyrics “Dancing to electro-pop like a robot, from 1984” from their single “I’ll Bet You Look Good on the Dancefloor” apparently inspired this from Liverpool/England striker Peter Crouch at the World Cup.

Fatally flawed because... The Libertines sorta already did it. And better. They really do have some killer basslines, though.

Gulag Orkestar (Beirut)

What it is: 19 year old singer/songwriter Zach Condon of New Mexico makes surprisingly beautiful music with a European theme and feel.

Deserves consideration because... It’s damn good. Did I mention he’s 19? What have you done with your life? “Postcards from Italy” and the upbeat synth pop of “Scenic World” (which initially seems out of place, but after repeated listening, fits perfectly) are recommended.

Fatally flawed because... A lot of people have knocked the clunky lyrics, but surprisingly, you hardly notice Condon’s shortcomings as a writer thanks to his crooning delivery (sort of a Jens Lekman/Stephen Merritt thing going on here). Plenty of time for him to improve that aspect of his music. But still, the album drags a little bit at times – the three opening tracks almost lulled me to sleep (and not in a good way) the first time I listened to the it.

On Top of Our Game (Dem Franchize Boyz)

What it is: The soundtrack to your summer. The kings of snap hop get snazzy production from Jermaine Dupri and So So Def.

Deserves consideration because... The singles, “I Think They Like Me (Remix),” “Lean Wit It, Rock Wit It,” and “Ridin’ Rims” took over the airwaves and added a couple more dance moves to my limited repertoire. And the rest of the album is great, too. Frantic snares and high-hats, cyclical synth riffs, and booming drums made for summer driving and white tees in the club.

Fatally flawed because... A few throwaway tracks: “Freaky As She Wanna Be” and “Give Props,” for example, take away from the strength of the album as a whole.

Ys (Joanna Newsom)

Just kidding, actually. Now, I like to think I have a pretty high tolerance for, shall we say, “idiosyncratic” vocalists. See: David Byrne, Spencer Krug, Dan Bejar (sometimes), Alec Ounsworth, Kate Bush, Billy Corgan, Isaac Brock, Geddy Lee, Colin Meloy, Dolores O’Riordan, Antony Hegarty, etc. I really enjoy the music created by all these individuals and can appreciate what their unique voices add to the whole package. But I don’t care what the critics say. Every time I hear Joanna Newsom’s voice I want to drive a fucking spike through my head. I’m pretty sure that she’s the lead singer for the house band in Hell. Every CD she releases automatically goes to the top of my “Worst Albums of the Year” list.

Trompe-L'oeil (Malajube)

What it is: Québécois pop outfit with incredible catchy hooks and lyrics that I can’t understand (not because I’m dense, but because they’re all in French).

Deserves consideration because... Canada has been churning out the good indie acts like its their job lately, and this one is just the latest in a line of solid pop groups. Single “Montréal -40°C” is one of the best songs of the year (even though I can’t figure out what it’s about) while “Ton Plat Favori” is pure pop bliss.

Fatally flawed because... Maybe it’s just the French, but things can get awfully precious at times. And when its not bordering on twee, there’s so much energy here that its draining just to listen. Let me just ask you this: would you like a French New Pornographers? I think the answer is probably, but you might want a break after awhile.

Classics (Ratatat)

What it is: New York duo that specializes in guitar/synth instrumental tracks follow up their solid debut and an awesome mixtape that remixed hip hop hits.

Deserves consideration because... It’s immediately accessible and has some memorable standout tracks in “Lex,” “Wildcat,” “Loud Pipes,” and “Swisha.” They even have a decent song entitled “Gettysburg.” (Note: Anything related to the Civil War is guaranteed my immediate attention.) The production is excellent, swirling layers of synths and drums back up acoustic and electric guitar melodies that will refuse to leave your head for days.

Fatally flawed because... It’s really good, but ultimately it’s made to be background music. The atmospherics of the album, besides lending the music a vaguely cinematic air, don’t really seem to serve any purpose. Every time I listen to it, I keep hoping that someone, (maybe Mike Skinner) will start rapping and give the lonely instrumentals some company. I sense a project for myself.

Shut Up I Am Dreaming (Sunset Rubdown)

What it is: Spencer Krug hoards some of his songs from Wolf Parade and starts fucking around in his home studio. Well, not really, but sort of.

Deserves consideration because... Krug’s moody synths and distinctive voice, alternating between howls and stutters, combine for something surprisingly affecting (and according to my sources, make for an incredible live experience). Both the opener “Stadiums and Shrines II,” and the closing track “Shut Up I Am Dreaming of Places Where Lovers Have Wings” are especially good.

Fatally flawed because... The energy that drove Wolf Parade is noticeably absent at times, and while that’s not always a bad thing (Krug makes it work with poignant offerings like “Us Ones in Between”), sometimes the flow of the album lags. Basically, it’s very easy to get bored. Some have said that this album is superior to last years Apologies to the Queen Mary. I have this to say to those people: HAWNH.

I Am Not Afraid of You and I Will Beat Your Ass (Yo La Tengo)

What it is: Obviously, the most painful omission from the list. Indie rock legends return with their best album since the oft-overlooked and highly underrated And Then Nothing Turned Itself Inside-Out.

Deserves consideration because... Pick a track. Any track. It’s going to be good, and chances are it’s going to be representative of a different stage in their evolution. Stylistically, the album is all over the place. But true to form, they make it seem cohesive. Also, the chance to hear bassist James McNew sing in his best falsetto along with Ira on single “Mr. Tough” should never be missed.

Fatally flawed because... That’s the thing. There are no glaring problems with the album. Some critics even went so far as to call it a perfect album from them. I guess the only reason it’s not on the list is because, as good as it is, as far-reaching and all-encompassing of their myriad sounds it is, it never really leaves familiar territory. I would have preferred a less perfect album that explored something new, if that makes any sense. I think I’ll just shut up and move on now.

Best Thang Smokin’ (Young Dro)

What it is: T.I.’s protégé offers his own brand of Atlanta rap and does everything he can to make your shoulder lean.

Deserves consideration because... His girl has a girlfriend. “Shoulder Lean” was an excellent track, but not because of Dro. While this may have given initial listeners pause, it’s not something that carries over to the entire album, which is a surprisingly strong showing for the young rapper. That being said, the beats still steal the show. Every song has clean production and catchy riffs. There’s great use of the southern marching band conceit on songs like “They Don’t Really Know Bout Dro” and “Rubberband Banks.” What’s more, Dro takes the “make an entire song out of one catchy line in an already popular song” concept to another level by actually making a good one with “My Girl.” (For examples of this failing, see “Drop It Like It’s Hot” by Lil’ Wayne, “Internet Goin’ Nutz” by Paul Wall, or “Dis Bitch, Dat Ho,” by Three 6 Mafia.)

Fatally flawed because... Young Dro isn’t the terrible rapper I initially had him pegged him for, but he’s not great either. Unimaginative themes and rhymes you’ve heard a thousand times. That being said, it’s probably some of the best party music I’ve heard in years.

Anyway, that’s the roundup of also-rans for this year’s list. If it seems to you that there are glaring omissions, it could mean that they made the top 5, but it's also possible that I a) didn't deem it worthy of consideration or even more likely b) was totally ignorant of the album's existence. No matter what, though, you should stay tuned for Part II, where I will reveal my choices for the BEST ALBUMS OF 2006!

To be continued…

WAMP WAMP

2006-11-18T01:52:00.000-05:00

With my speakers blasting, I am pro...

“Hell Hath No Fury” by Clipse. A little history: when I was in eighth grade, a guy from the city right next to mine started getting airplay on the St. Louis hip hop radio stations. His name was Cornell Haynes, Jr., but it was as Nelly that he was destined to make his way in the world. And as the hype slowly built, and his song about “going down, down baby, yo street in a Range Rover” started getting national attention, the whole city got excited for his full album to drop. In my life, I have never had such high hopes for an LP. When it came out in the summer after my freshman year, I made my Dad buy it for me immediately, despite his qualms about the “Parental Advisory” sticker. And while some critics have panned it, the beats were incredible, the hooks were catchy as hell, and it simply didn’t sound like any rap or hip hop anyone had ever made before. It was fun, it was unique, and he repped STL to the fullest, which is exactly what a 9th grade kid from the suburbs wanted. At the time, I had no idea that Nelly, along with Eminem and Ludacris, was part of the first wave of rap acts that would completely dominate the mainstream and make Top 40 radio the playground of hip hop artists. All I knew was that it was the sweetest rap album I’d ever heard.

This is a really, really long and unnecessary way of saying that this album by Clipse is incredible. Basically, the way I felt about "Country Grammar" when I heard it for the first time is how I currently feel about "Hell Hath No Fury." I almost wish somebody had a camera to capture my face when I first heard the beat drop on "Momma I'm Sorry." My smile could have lit up North Korea at night. After hearing the first two singles “Mr. Me Too” and “Wamp Wamp (What It Do),” I had a feeling that this album might be epic. I was right. If the two volumes of their mixtape “We Got It 4 Cheap” showcased their lyrical prowess (while giving some sweet beats the extra recognition they deserved), this album is the total package. Innovative instrumentals (courtesy of Pharrell & Co.) and absolutely unforgiving verses and trap stories that make Young Jeezy look like that guy in high school who sold maybe an ounce of weed per year and thought he was Scarface. This is groundbreaking shit.

(Note: I hate that mainstream rap has been embraced by the indie scene, as evidenced by Pitchfork’s “discovery” of southern rap around two years ago. It annoyed the hell out of me when they jumped all over the Slim Thug, Bun B, Three 6 bandwagon. It kills me when they talk about Weezy F. Baby like he arrived on the scene with Tha Carter II. And it really annoyed me last year when they wouldn’t climb off Pusha T and Malice’s collective D. I wish they’d just stick to gushing about the latest Destroyer album – for the record, Dan Bejar is a TERRIBLE solo artist. But you know what I’ve decided? They can’t help it. It’s just that good.)

Being right all the time. It wasn’t the hardest prediction to make, but I totally called the priceless look that Pam had on her face when she saw Jim and Karen all chummy with each other. This last episode was great, but at times hard to watch. I’m a little concerned with the direction they’re taking with Michael. They’re exposing too many of his vulnerabilities, which makes it difficult to laugh at him when he’s legitimately acting like an asshole. And, for the first time ever, I have absolutely no clue where they’re going to take this Jim-Karen-Pam-Roy thing. Every option is open. Personally, I want to see Jim get with Karen. After seeing him get rejected by Pam, he needs someone who’s into him, and she’s already come forward and admitted it. Jim deserves some love. Pam had her shot. And Rashida Jones is ridiculously hot. True love can wait.

(Another note: With the introduction of the Karen character, I have been constantly monitoring how I feel about her in comparison to Pam. Let’s say I was 99% Pam and 1% Karen at the outset. After the episode where she kills him in Call of Duty, I was 75/25 in favor of Pam. Following the episode where she drives drunken Jim home and the one where he tells her to come to Scranton, I was 60/40 Pam. After this last one, I’m 55/45 Pam. I know. I KNOW. By the way, it seems like much of the country is engaged in this debate, with people actually dividing up into Teams Karen and Pam. So here’s the question: where do you stand? I expect answers.)

Recognition of my comrades in arms. Look to the right of this column. Under the header that says “Comrades in Arms” you will see a list of links, all of them tagged with witty little titles. You should click them sometime. And comment! Tell Jason to update more – his baseball knowledge needs to be shared more often. (He’s a big Red Sox fan, so personally, I’m dying to know exactly what he thinks about this Matsuzaka business.) Tell Mina to not be so busy all the time so that we can play squash soon. Tell Jamie that you don’t know what he’s talking about half the time, but golly, he sure seems like a smart feller. Tell Juan that he just struck a comedy goldmine with his recent post on “SkyMall.” (Also, tell him to change the title of his blog. It’s going straight to my head every time I see it.) Tell Adda and the other upstanding young women of Broad Recognition that you’re shocked – you didn’t know girls knew how to use computers. Actually, don’t do that. That’s offensive.

Someone asked me if I could go an entire post without discussing sports in some capacity. RAWNG. Along with that request, I am anti…

Being a complete jinx to Yale football. A couple weeks ago, I gave a shout-out to the Eli varsity squad for being undefeated in Ivy play. (I knew this was dangerous – clearly, somebody who read the post failed to knock on wood like I advised.) Anyway, I decided to take the next step and support them by showing up for the big home game against Princeton. If we won, we took the Ivy League title. The weather was awesome, the tailgating (mine began at 8:45 AM) was great, the turnout was high, and Yale got out to an early and seemingly commanding lead. I should have remembered from last year that all these ingredients add up to disaster when one is dealing with Yale football. Long story short, we got on our knees and blew the game harder than Paris Hilton on night-vision camera. Like last year, I had to suffer the sight of the opposing team’s fans storming the field in jubilation while the Yale crowd shuffled out speechless, the occasional “choke” symbol being displayed among friends in lieu of words. Anyway, for this reason (among others), I will not be in attendance for this year’s Harvard-Yale game in Boston tomorrow. And of course, this means Yale is going to win.

Scott Linehan and Richie Incognito. Thanks to a terrible decision by the former to go for it on 4th and 1 instead of kicking a field goal that would have effectively put the game out of reach and the boneheaded play of the latter, the Rams have now lost four straight, including in that span two games to our biggest division rival (Seattle) that were both decided by last-minute field goals. Ironically, Incognito's game-breaking mistakes came right after he was named to the list of "most underrated players" on the Sports Illustrated website. For having such a sweet last name, he really stunk it up out there.

I talked to my Dad after the game, and as he narrated it for me, I could hear the simultaneous disbelief and resignation in his voice: “It’s usually pretty hard to single out one player and say ‘that’s the reason we lost.’ But I’d say that Richie Incognito single-handedly did exactly that. They’re just not a very good team… at best, we’ll be 7-9, but probably more like last year.” It’s never a good sign when my father, Mr. Rams over Cardinals himself (total blasphemy in a baseball town like St. Louis, but actually, I’m with him – we can talk about this later) is so down on the team. Stupid Rams.

Note to Self: Don't Quit Your Day Job

2006-11-09T01:27:00.000-05:00

I actually don't have a job (that's right, ladies - eligible AND unemployed), but if I did, I definitely wouldn't quit it to become a political prognosticator. Yet. As we all know (and as some of you have so kindly informed me), many of my predictions for the elections were wrong. But as you might also know, I am quite pro...

Eating a big bowl of crow. We got the House! We got the Senate! We're a big tent again! Divided government is always so much better. Anyway, let's see exactly how I did:

1) I thought Talent would defeat McCaskill in Missouri. RAWNG. And in a major way: a 2 point victory is practically a mandate these days. Evidently, people were tired of Talent being a rubber stamp for Bush. I formally apologize for lacking faith in the common sense of Missouri voters. Good work, everyone. I've now voted for a winning candidate in a major race, something I'd never done before.

2) I thought Whitehouse would defeat Chafee in Rhode Island. I was right. I can be proud of this one. Though I'll miss Chafee's clear-minded fiscal conservatism and his social progressiveness, I certainly don't mind a Democratic Senate.

3) I thought Allen would defeat Webb in Virginia. Once again, RAWNG. But I'll be damned if it wasn't the squeaker everyone (me included) thought it would be. Talk about going down to the wire.

4) I thought Lieberman would handle Lamont with no problem. Yep. Which, despite my strong dislike for Joe, might actually turn out to be for the best (this is something for future discussion).

5) I thought Sherrod Brown would take down Mike DeWine. RIGHT. No problem, too.

6) I thought the Republicans would hold the Senate. Nope. It's going to be 51-49, but the other way around. In my defense, though, I did say that John Tester would defeat 3-time incumbent Conrad Burns in Montana within that prediction.

7) I thought the Democrats would take the House, but that it wouldn't be the big sweep people expected. I said 221 to 214. Well, as of right now, it looks like that 30+ pickup people hoped for is a reality. Whoops. But I'm happy to be wrong every time if this is the result.

8) And finally, I thought that Amendment II wouldn't pass. Evidently, I put too much faith in Suppan and Eckstein being able to convince Missouri voters. I forgot that I should only bet on them in ridiculous high-pressure situations involving baseball, not stem cell research, which is something they know absolutely nothing about. But all kidding aside, I thought the Republicans would see this as something they could use to motivate social conservatives and would get out the vote to defeat it (and vote for Talent, while they're at it). Once again, I underestimated the common sense of Missouri voters and the average voter's appreciation for scientific research. I've been burned before. It's hard to love again. But I'm back onboard.

Rick Santorum's concession speech. It was just as satisfying as I thought it would be. And judging from the insanely joyous reaction at Democratic HQ when he came on last night, I wasn't the only one happy. If you want to see the kind of goodwill Rick Santorum has built up during his 12 year Senate career, just go to Google, enter the name "Santorum" and then press "I feel lucky." Apparently, this is how the gay community has cleverly responded to his homophobic rhetoric. Hilarious.

Guitar Hero II. Yep, it's here. And it's hard as hell. I think my hands are going to fall off. Peep the song list and be envious. Heart-Shaped Box, Message in a Bottle, Carry On Wayward Son, and Killing in the Name are my current favorites.

Bruce Springsteen. I was going through some of my old CDs the other day, and I found "Born to Run" and "Born in the U.S.A." For whatever reason, they weren't on my iTunes. So guess what I've been listening to non-stop for the last 48 hours. I'll give you a hint: it's not Fergie.

The Democrats aren't a total laughingstock and have put an end to 12 years of Republican hegemony in Congress. But there's a lot of hard work and tough decisions ahead. Characteristically, I'm going to ignore this topic, and just say that I'm anti...

Dying of pneumonia. Every time I take a deep breath, I launch into a coughing fit so violent you might think chlorine gas was being pumped directly into my lungs. It started as a sore throat that lasted about a week. Everyone thinks I'm being an idiot for not seeking professional medical attention, but I think it's fun to tell them repeatedly that I'm going to "tough it out" so I can see the looks of resigned disbelief on their faces.

I Can Stand Beside the Idea to Kill John Mellencamp and Burn Down His House

2006-11-06T23:52:00.000-05:00

Warning: this post is a real doozy. It's got a little of everything: The Office, hostile penguins, and my 2006 MIDTERM ELECTION PREDICTIONS (!) are all enclosed. So let's get this party started. I am pro…

The Office. The following was meant to be posted about 4 weeks ago during the height of playoff baseball. Here it is, totally unedited:

I am pro… Jim’s move to the Stamford Branch of Dunder-Mifflin. How good have these first few episodes been? The Office is so consistently good, it’s starting to enter Albert Pujols territory. After the first season, I said to myself “Wow, that was great. I sure hope the show is good next season, but I won’t get my hopes up.” Second season came. Was spectacular. Yet again, I thought they wouldn’t be able to top it. And like last year, the show has come out firing. I just hope I haven’t jinxed it.

As I said, I’m a big fan of the Jim-in-Stamford plot wrinkle. And dare I say it, but Jim’s co-worker Karen (Rashida Jones) is really growing on me. The Office is now two for two on finding pretty women that also manage to exude an intangible appeal that makes them attractive beyond their looks. Anyway, I realize that it’s total blasphemy, but I really hope he pursues that. It’s been awhile since we’ve seen Halpert run game on anyone other than Pam (Katie in “Hot Girl” was probably the last time), and the show could use a great wrinkle like a Karen-Pam showdown. Ed Helms is spectacular as the boorish, Ivy-League educated salesman (“I sang for the a cappella group ‘Here Comes Treble.’”) who goes out of his way to condescend to Jim. His meltdown upon finding his calculator encased in Jello was on par with Dwight’s reactions to similar Jim shenanigans. The “Call of Duty” scenes have been hilarious. All in all, I just wonder how long it’s going to last.

PS: I’d like to take this time to offer a small prediction. Over the course of the season, Jim is going to build a flirtatious relationship with Karen, one that has striking similarities to the one he cultivated with Pam. At one point or another, the two women will meet or interact with Jim at the same time and realize that the “little things” he does for them aren’t so unique after all. Seeing the look on Pam’s face when she witnesses Jim and Karen do the air five or the jinx/coke thing (or something equivalent) would be absolutely priceless.

Well, now I’m afraid that I may have jinxed it, because the last couple episodes, while funny, have shown a noticeable dip in quality. The painful/funny ratio of Michael Scott moments is tilting heavily to the former at the moment. When he grabbed the mic in the last episode, you knew exactly what was coming, and it made him seem unnecessarily pathetic. I’m a little worried, but not enough to throw my favorite comedy of all time onto the anti list. Yet.

The Youngstown State mascot.

Take a look at that thing. It’s angry. And perhaps more important, it’s distrustful. It’s totally skeptical about whatever you’ve just told it. It wants nothing more than to slap you in the face and run away. A friend of mine, who shall remain nameless, believes it an adequate representation of a Johns Hopkins girl: bundled up to the point of unattractiveness and immediately hostile to anything you have to say. Sounds familiar.

Yale football. And now that I’ve formally acknowledged their success, we’re sure to see a sudden downturn in their fortunes. Can I get a collective knock on wood?

November Beard Club. An annual month-long tradition that every girl I know thinks is the worst idea ever. But guys, it’s time to take back our puberty-given right. It’s getting cold, anyway, and you’ll want one for the winter.

For those of you interested: Come find me and other facial hair supporters at Rudy’s on Sunday (and sometimes Monday) nights. 6 dollar pitchers of Schaefer, frites, and football. And beards. You just can’t beat it.

As the title of this week's post suggests, I am anti…

Thiis is ouuur countryyyy. Thank you John Mellencamp (whatever happened to the “Cougar” part of your name, by the way?) for creating the most cloying, awful song I can remember. Also, shame on GM for using not only that song, but also imagery of American historical events and the strife and courage associated with them. It’s perhaps the most blatant manipulation of people’s emotions in any commercial, ever. Or perhaps I’m missing the connection. Was Rosa Parks actually riding that bus because she didn’t have a GM car? Were those Vietnam protesters picketing the importation of German automobiles? I wonder if MLK’s actual dream was to one day have his image used to sell the all-new Chevy Silverado, which, as the ad says, is “our truck.” Apparently, the nation collectively owns this one pickup. If I need to go to IKEA next weekend, who do I talk to in order to use “our” truck? I hate GM so much right now.

Girls becoming the Youngstown State mascot. It’s cold outside and people are starting to dress accordingly. I’m all for that. (In fact, if there’s anything I’m more anti, it might be girls who dress like it’s 90 degrees when it’s actually -20. Aww, does someone need attention?) The unfortunate side effect of this, though, is that soon, it’ll reach the point when male and female students become indistinguishable from one another even at close range. You’ll see what looks like the cute girl from your English section and it’ll turn out to be the weird dude with long hair who’s always hanging around outside Toads. Stupid winter.

Overly optimistic predictions that the Democrats will own this election. There’s a ton to say about how the Democrats have done a poor job running these midterm campaigns. Of course, it’s not as bad a job as the Republicans have done actually running the country, but that’s another post entirely. As far as I can tell, the Democrats are running on the fact that they’re not Republicans, which, while enough to get me to vote for them, might not necessarily be enough for the rest of the country. The economy is doing much better, so they’re pretty much left with the war as an issue. And while Iraq is wildly (and rightfully) unpopular, I’m not convinced that people will actually go out and vote when it’s the main issue on the table. Anyway, I’m a terrible pessimist, so without further ado, I present the following eight Jim Stanley election predictions:

1) Jim Talent (R) over Claire McCaskill (D) in Missouri. I should have more faith in my fellow Missourians. But I don’t.

2) Sheldon Whitehouse (D) over Lincoln Chafee (R) in Rhode Island. Which is a shame, because Chafee is one of the few Republicans I respect in this day and age. He’s not afraid to break with the party line, believes in traditional Republican values like smaller government and fiscal responsibility, but hasn’t bought into the wave of neoconservatism or legislating of morality that so many Republicans represent today. He’s pro-choice, believes in equal rights for gays, wants environmental protection, opposes the death penalty, supports stem cell research, and was the only Republican to vote against the war, but now that we’re there, has recognized the dangers of a binding timetable. I like him a lot. But now he’s fallen victim to an anti-Republican backlash that might blindly throw him out of office. I’m all for the backlash when it hits deserving targets (Allen, Talent, Santorum, etc.), but this seems like a shame. If he goes, I reckon Arlen Specter (and sometimes John McCain, I guess) will be the only remaining Republican I can respect in the Senate.

3) George Allen (R) over Jim Webb (D) in Virginia. Webb has a fighting chance, but I think that fear of change and strength of charisma will get Allen by in a squeaker. And that’s pathetic, because this is a man that has pretty much revealed himself to be, plain and simply, a bad person. It’s been documented in about a million ways at this point how terribly racist he is. It’s almost unbelievable to me that this man could hold high elected office in this country (although I guess it shouldn’t be), and I hate the fact that he might be reelected.

4) Lieberman (I? D? Wishes he was an R sometimes?) over Lamont (single issue D). I won’t weigh in on this too much as it’s been beaten to death, but I will say this: I really don’t like Joe Lieberman. For many, many reasons. (There may be a future anti dedicated solely to him. Definitely if he gets reelected.) But Lamont is simply not a good candidate. I would vote for him, but that’s about all I can say.

5) Sherrod Brown (D) over Mike DeWine (R). Signs of hope in Ohio.

6) A Republican hold (barely) on the Senate. If Allen and Talent retain their seats, and Conrad Burns loses his in Montana, I think we’re looking at the following: 51 (R) to 49 (D). I’m calling it.

7) A Democratic Majority in the House. This WILL happen. Republican corruption and scandal has made it virtually impossible for them to hold onto their majority. History is also not on their side. But it won’t be the landslide that some are predicting. At the end of the day, I’m calling a House breakdown that looks like this: 221 (D) to 214 (R).

8) And finally, and perhaps most painfully, I’m predicting the defeat of Amendment II in Missouri. There’s a lot to say about this, but I think that the efforts of church groups to get out the vote and effective ads that cite the confusing nature of the amendment will bring it down. This, in turn, will help Talent defeat McCaskill at the polls. I really hope I’m wrong about this.

So there you go. That’s my relatively pessimistic view of tomorrow’s midterm elections. As I’ve said about a million times, I would like nothing more to be wrong and to celebrate a Democratic Senate and the passage of Amendment II. Just don't see it in the cards. One thing that will make me happy, though, is Rick Santorum’s concession speech when he loses to Bob Casey. What an asshole.

It's Been a Long Time...

2006-10-30T00:11:00.000-05:00

I shouldn't have left you. Without a ST. LOUIS CARDINALS WORLD SERIES CHAMPIONSHIP! ABSOLUTELY UNBELIEVABLE! If you don't care at all about baseball, you'll probably want to skip to the very end of this entry and to the last 4 topics in particular. But if you do, then you already know that I am pro...

Jeff Weaver. Dream Weaver. My favorite story of the entire postseason. He went from being a bum who got fired by a team and had his spot taken by his superstar little brother to being a postseason hero that defeated David Wells, Tom Glavine, and Justin Verlander in humongous games. Watching him pitch was like watching Ken Jennings play jeopardy; the money in his bank account just kept going up and up while you wondered when he'd finally be dethroned. And it never happened. I never thought I'd say this, but I really, really hope we resign Jeff Weaver.

David Eckstein. Came up huge when it truly mattered. World Series MVP. Wonder what the odds were on that?

So Taguchi and Scott Spiezio. Just for being who they are. Specifically, Spiezio for making "the imperial" part of Cardinals baseball lore, and So Taguchi for making the catchphrase "dude, that's So Taguchi" finally relevant and useful.

Yadier Molina. God, there's almost nothing to say about the unconscious postseason he had, so I'll just show this clip. YADI! YADI! YADI!

Scott Rolen. He found his bat. He realized that he could hit the high and tight fastball. Greatness ensued.

Jim Edmonds. He had big hits when it counted and led the team in RBI's. He's my favorite player of all time, and now he has a ring. Capstone of an awesome career. I love Jimmy Baseball.

Tony La Russa. He and I have had our differences. My Dad really detests the guy. There's no denying that his personal views are sort of wacked out, and he certainly seems like a real dick sometimes. In the past few years, he went into the postseason with teams that had big things expected of them and failed. This year, it looks like the role of an underdog took the pressure off and allowed him to manage freely and avoid the tightness that has plagued his past teams. And what a job he did. He managed the hell out of this team. Usually, when Tony makes big managerial moves, half the time I say "Well, that was an obvious step," and the other half I say "what a terrible idea." Not to brag, but usually I'm pretty right. This time around, though, I would make my typical judgment calls, and not only would the obvious things turn out right, but those things that I scoffed at would work, too. Basically, Tony La Russa knows a lot more about baseball than me, and has solidified his place as one of the greatest managers of all time. I... hope... he... comes... back... next... year. AGHHH. HAWGHHH. That hurt so badly.

Dave Duncan. He could turn YOU into a legitimate starting pitcher. One arm? Blind? Mentally retarded? Perhaps you'd make a decent middle-inning reliever. The man is a miracle worker. (He also fathered a beast of a man in Chris Duncan. Dave doesn't seem that huge, so I'm guessing that he married Andre the Giant or perhaps Mark McGwire's older sister. If only he had given Chris more pop flys to field as a kid...)

Albert Pujols. He didn't do much (when he did it was awesome, though - see the HR in Game 1 of World Series), but I'll be damned if he didn't affect every pitcher's game plan by just being his terrifying self.

Christ Carpenter. Yeah, that's a typo. And no, I'm not going to change it. Carp's stuff was so dominant that I've become convinced he was using Jesus powers to make the Detroit hitters swing and miss.

Jeff Suppan. After what he did in the postseason, I'm going to give him a free pass on his participation in that stupid advertisement against stem cell research. And that's a big free pass on my part, because I feel pretty strongly about that stuff. But when those sweet Suppan cakes are baking in the oven, I can't help but feel good. (Note: After seeing that ad, I remarked that this was the second time I've found someone on the Cardinals to have distasteful views - the first being Tony La Russa for his militant animals rights activism. My friend Pete then responded that he thought it was the third time: the first being La Russa, and the second being Ronnie Belliard for his views on hair. Priceless.)

The young arms. Anthony Reyes, Tyler Johnson, Randy Flores, and Josh Kinney were outstanding. But most of all, I enjoyed watching...

Adam Wainwright. Apparently, Adam Wainwright eats nothing but Sloppy Joes. With no buns. And his bare hands. He sleeps on the floor of a Steak n' Shake bathroom. He lathers turkey gravy underneath his arms in place of deoderant. He bathes in the Mississippi River. Basically, I'm just trying to express in the English language how filthy his stuff can be. It'll be hard to top striking out the final batters in both the NLCS and the World Series, but I would love to see him as a starter next year. I have very high hopes.

Reaching the pinnacle of sports fandom. I've now seen the Rams win a Superbowl and the Cardinals win the World Series. It doesn't get any better than this. I can die a satisfied sports fan. And I know this is blurry, but it's probably for the best:

Though I wish I were in St. Louis with the other 500,000 people who turned up for the downtown parade and celebration (not exaggerating - that was the estimated size of the crowd), it was still one of the best weekends of my life. But at the same time, I am anti...

Reaching the pinnacle of sports fandom. I've now seen the Rams win a Superbowl and the Cardinals win the World Series. I have nothing to look forward to now. The hunger is gone. Actually, that's not really true; I still have a list of sports events I'd like to see happen in my lifetime:

1. The Blues win a Stanley Cup. Sort of afraid this one might actually never come to pass. Especially now that hockey is on a popularity level with professional badminton and the WNBA.

2. Arsenal win the Champion's League. They were oh-so-close last year. A similar run could be forthcoming...

3. The U.S. Men's Soccer Team win the World Cup. I know, I know. Too ambitious. But I dare to dream.

4. The Philadelphia Eagles win the Superbowl. Living with and consistently watching sports with someone who really cares about their team definitely gives one some emotional investment over time, and just as I have forever given my longtime roommate Jake some degree of fondness for the Cardinals, he has similarly affected me in regard to the Eagles. His investment makes me want to see them succeed. That and the fact that I'm not sure how Philadelphia fans would respond to success. They'd probably still boo because it wasn't all it was cracked up to be.

5. The Seattle Mariners win the World Series. My AL team. They kept coming sooo close to the cusp of greatness during the early years of this decade. Instead, they've just got the greatest baseball team to NOT win the World Series (the 116 win team of 2001 which didn't even make it).

My blog becoming completely sports-oriented. I swear to God, it's not what I intended. It's just how things worked out. I plan on rectifying the situation immediately. In fact, I have a few posts that I wrote out but didn't put up during the last month because I got a little, um, superstitious regarding my posting and the success of my baseball team. Just shut up.

The Yale Art and Architecture Halloween Party this year. Like all good things, the word has gotten out and the quality has taken a noticeable dive. The playlist wasn't terrible, but it wasn't nearly as good as past years (look guys, if I wanted to dance to the Pussycat Dolls and Sean Paul, I would have taken myself to Toads). As always, it helps to have a good dance partner, but it just wasn't the same.

Receiving absolutely no feedback on my radio show. I can't make it any clearer. Even if you find the music sucky, my commentary lame, and the general premise of the show bad, just send me an email telling me exactly that (jestanley@gmail.com) and then never listen again. It takes like 30 seconds. And if you like it (and I hope you do, there's no reason to hate it), send me suggestions and requests. This is why radio is dying; people like you are murdering it. If you haven't had a chance to listen to it yet, tune in to WYBC New Haven, AM 1340 on Sundays from 1 to 2 PM (EST). You can also listen online:

Windows Media

iTunes

Also, from 2 to 3 PM (EST), I'm usually joined by my buddy Jake for witty banter and the playing of both songs we've never heard before and old favorites. It makes for a good time.

My new computer dilemma. Mac or PC? Any thoughts? I won't say which way I'm leaning.

Anyway, to wrap up, I'd just like to say that I know I'm not trustworthy, but you can probably expect some regular updates from now on. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to get to work on my current project.

Holy Motherfucking Shit

2006-10-20T04:10:00.000-04:00

I am pro...

The Cardinals' second trip to the World Series in three years.

Yadier Molina.

Jeff Suppan.

Jeff Weaver.

WORLD FUCKING SERIES, MOTHERFUCKER.

Updates pending. Cardinals baseball and having a life have conflicted with the blog. I'm sorry, but not really.

BEST SPORTS WEEKEND EVER!

2006-10-01T20:21:00.000-04:00

Totally awesome. Where shall I begin? There are so many things that I am pro…

Robin van Persie’s absurd goal against Charlton. I know it’s early, but I’m calling it now: goal of the season. I dare you to tell me it’s not. Cross into traffic and a full speed, left-footed, midair volley for Arsenal’s winner. (He also scored the first Arsenal goal for the equalizer.) And it was DRILLED. If you search around youtube, you will find the goal presented in many different languages, but one thing remains constant: the announcers go absolutely apeshit. If it hadn’t been stopped by the net, that ball would be orbiting the earth along with the Pujols HR from last year’s NLCS. I'd always thought van Persie was sort of soft and ineffective, but never has one player done more in 2 seconds to totally change my opinion of him.

(Editor's Note: Just so that I can't be accused of total bias, here's a look at another ridiculous goal that warrants consideration. Liverpool's Peter Crouch gets on his bicycle in the Champion's League against Galatasaray. The overhead volley is incredible enough by itself, but just imagine trying to do that when you're 6'7" and weigh about 10 pounds. RoboKop strikes again!)

Chase Daniel as Mizzou’s starting QB. Missouri is 5-0. They’ve cracked the rankings. And suddenly, college football interests me again. People thought that Daniel would have trouble replacing the erratic but supremely talented Brad Smith. Come on, guys. He was the 2004 National High School player of the year! He went 31-1 as the starting quarterback for one of the best high school football programs in the country (Bishop Carroll). He was one of the top 3 QB prospects in the nation. The only thing surprising about his solid performance thus far is that it hasn’t been delivered for a program like Texas A&M or Oklahoma. How did Mizzou get this guy?

PS: I’m all over this Mizzou bandwagon. I’m calling absolutely no shame on it, either. I’ve got the hat. I’ve got the sweatshirt. (Thanks, Adam.) I will wear them with pride.

The Cardinals doing just enough to get their third consecutive NL Central crown. I know that they’ve passed the point where it could be considered “limping in” to the postseason. This was more like “beaten bloody, blind, and senseless with a baseball bat while weeping and crawling” into the postseason. Basically, it was like that scene in “Saving Private Ryan” where Tom Hanks (the Cardinals) is wounded, lying on the ground and futilely shooting at the advancing Nazi tank (the Astros), and just when all hope is lost, it gets blown up by the allied bombers (the Braves).

So we’re going in ass backwards. We lost our final game of the season. Well, I don’t care. We won the games on Friday and Saturday with some surprising quality by Weaver and some heroics from Spiezio. And that’s all we needed. Now we get the chance to face off against the Padres, who look eminently beatable, in a rematch of last year’s divisional playoffs. La Russa took a gamble by not starting Carpenter for this last game (which I COMPLETELY don’t agree with – the Astros could have easily won, and it would have been better to decide our own fate and set the tone for the playoffs), but now he looks like a genius because Carp can go in Game 1 of the playoffs. At any rate, it’s a clean slate. Let’s do something.

The Rams offense coming alive and dropping 41 points on Detroit. Yes, it was the Lions, and I could have totally done without the late hour suspense, but nonetheless, it’s good to see a high-scoring comeback victory like this one. My boys Holt and Bruce each went for 100 and a TD. And you can’t argue with 3-1.

Now let’s see… what didn’t sit well this week? I pretty much covered the fact that I completely disagree with La Russa’s bait and switch game with Carpenter and Reyes (shades of Rick Ankiel, anyone?). Hmm. So, for the first time ever, I’m going to end things on a positive note. I am anti…

Nothing. Have a good week, everyone. Don't get used to this. Also, expect a really, really long post on why The Office is carving its bust in Jim Stanley’s TV Hall of Fame with every new episode.

I'm Burnin' for Yo La Tengo

2006-09-26T00:44:00.000-04:00

Just got back from a face-melting show at Toads. And I couldn't be more pro...

Yo La Tengo covering Blue Öyster Cult's "Burnin' for You." You should have seen the size of the smile on my face. It made up about hundred times for the fact that they didn't play "Sugarcube" or "Saturday." I also loved the blank stares on the faces of some of my fellow concert-goers. I swear to God, this one guy turned to his friend and said "I've never heard this song before." Nevertheless, I just about lost it. I'm still smiling just thinking about it. Somebody just kill me now so I can die happy.

Oh no, too late. I'm unhappy again. And it's because I just looked at the baseball scores and the news. I'm anti...

The Cardinals trying to choke harder than that fat guy in "Groundhog Day" on whom Bill Murray has to continually perform the Heimlich Maneuver. My God. We're only 2.5 games up on Houston. This is an embarassment. At this point, I don't even want to make the playoffs because even if we sack up and get in, the Mets are going to destroy us. DEE-stroy us. I hate the Astros, but more than that, I hate our lack of any pitching whatsoever. It's become Carpenter against the world. If LaRussa left him in to pitch 9 innings for every game, we'd have about as good a chance at winning as we would with any of the other starter/reliever combinations. Our offense isn't much to write home about, either. Just one guy. God, this is so depressing.

Bill Clinton's overly aggressive defense of his foreign policy on Fox News. Let me preface this by saying that I love Bill Clinton. I think he's an incredibly smart and savvy man. We were lucky to have him as President, and the world is a better place with him running his sweet Clinton Global Initiative. (Which, as far as I understand it, basically consists of rich people giving him money and maybe ideas, and then Clinton saving the world. Shut up, I know there's more to it than that. But that's what he made it sound like on the Daily Show.) However, he's going about this challenge to his foreign policy record all wrong. In case you haven't seen it, Clinton was questioned on Fox News Sunday by Chris Wallace about his dedication to the cause of fighting terror - specifically, al-Qaida - while in office. Bill launched into an angry diatribe against Wallace's "conservative hit job" of a question and then heatedly refuted the idea that he had not taken terror seriously, especially when compared to the current administration's failures.

The thing is, Wallace's question was a pretty legitimate one. And it's true that terror didn't rank terribly high on Clinton's list of priorities. Perhaps he didn't do all that he could to take out Osama bin Laden. However, can anybody really blame him? It's easy to look back in hindsight and pin the blame of 9/11 on Bill Clinton for failing to address the growing terrorist threat (which is what the Republicans have done, and continue to do), but what was he supposed to do? I sometimes laugh at the way the media and politicians love to talk about the "pre-9/11" or "post-9/11" mindset, but there is a lot of truth behind those phrases. Before that awful day, would Americans really believe that a strike on bin Laden (which, in all likelihood, would also take out some innocent women and children and maybe even a Saudi prince or two) was justified? It would seem like an excessive move on our part. Remember, this was a time when the Republicans were constantly whining about our intervention in Kosovo. In a lot of ways, 9/11 was necessary for this nation to realize exactly how dangerous its enemies were.

The other defense of Clinton is a simple look at the Bush record on terrorism. If you blame Clinton for the attacks, Bush should share an equal, or even greater portion of the blame. Though he had been President for only nine months at the time of the attack, he used those nine months to fire the most competent anti-terror expert in the government (Richard Clarke) and to ignore several rather blatant warnings in his briefings. At no time during Clinton's presidency were the warning signs so clear.

But I don't blame either one of them. I think that the nation, its President included, simply wasn't prepared to think about a threat of that kind, of that magnitude. I don't think it's a partisan issue. Which is why I hate how the Republicans have been demonizing Clinton, but why I also hate Clinton losing his shit on national television. I understand what he's trying to do. He's clearly concerned about his legacy. He thinks the Republicans will tarnish it and that he will be forever remembered as the President who fell asleep at the wheel. He's also concerned that the Democrats as a whole, through his example, will be painted as the party of weakness when it comes to national security. I don't think the former will happen (not least because it's people like me who write history), and I really hope that the latter will be overcome as people realize that there is a difference between national security and becoming mired in foolish conflicts.

Bottom line: if you blame Bush for 9/11, you must also blame Clinton. And vice versa. But really, it shouldn't be a partisan issue. Nobody saw it coming. (Except for Richard Clarke, and everybody thought he was nuts.) Let's focus on the problems we have now in Iraq and Afghanistan. Unlike 9/11, the blame for the failures there can fall pretty squarely on one guy. In the meantime, Bill Clinton must chill out.

Francesc Fabregas Is Not Afraid of You and He Will Beat Your Ass

2006-09-18T01:37:00.000-04:00

So nobody posted comments. And nobody recommended topics for me to take sides on. Come on guys. What, did you think that I do this for myself? Anyway, here’s a weekly rundown of things I am pro…

Cesc Fabregas pwning Cristiano Ronaldo and then assisting the winner to Adebayor. Man Who? I got my first look at Fabregas late last season and for Spain during the World Cup, and I’m totally sold. Definitely a world class midfielder and a force for years to come. As the pundits say about literally every player in the NBA draft, he’s got lots of “upside.” I also love that the British press was writing off Arsenal and that some were even predicting a season of near-relegation. This is a pretty talented team, and perhaps more importantly, it’s deep. I know this is their first Premiership victory, but if Arsenal doesn’t finish in the top three, I’ll be astonished. In fact, if you want to see me do something absolutely ridiculous (or more likely, be forced to do something ridiculous yourself), you should bet me that they won’t.

Yo La Tengo’s “I Am Not Afraid of You and I Will Beat Your Ass.” Along with providing the most balling title of the year thus far, the elder statesmen (and woman) of indie rock really bring it on their latest album. After a couple of chilled-out releases, I think people were starting to seriously doubt their ability to produce anything meaningful, or perhaps more importantly, rocking. (My favorite of these releases was the LP that doubled as the soundtrack to a documentary about marine biology. My favorite songs: “Sea Urchins” and “The Love Life of the Octopus.” I think you can understand why people were starting to worry.) Personally, I think they made the perfect album with “And Then Nothing Turned Itself Inside-Out,” but I definitely welcome a return to some of the things that made “Painful” and “I Can Hear the Heart Beating As One” so great. In fact, this new album is pretty much a perfect blend of all the different sounds they’ve tried over the years. Also, they’ll be at Toads next Monday night. Who wants to scream “TOM COURTENAY” and “SUUUGAARRRCUUUBE” from the back of the room with me next week? I thought so.

MTV Cribs. Because it provided me with one of the most ridiculous things I have ever seen in my life. While showing us the home of Tyrese, singer and movie star, MTV paid special attention to the artwork in his basement/exercise room. On one wall, he had his own version of “The Last Supper,” with Bob Marley, Aaliyah, Pac, Marvin Gaye (or as Tyrese referred to him, the “Black Music Jesus,” complete with crown of thorns), Biggie, Left Eye, and Barry White. Which was actually sort of awesome. However, on another wall, he had a mural that truly pushed the boundaries of absurdity. I’ll let him describe it in his own words:

“Yo, so this painting right here is called ‘What If.’ See, I based it on this vision I had that was like, yo, what if Malcolm X was baptizing 2Pac in a river? You know, man? ‘What If?’”

Needless to say, the mural was totally bizarre and I did a complete spit-take when I saw it. (As if the premise weren’t enough, the artwork was pretty awful. Both men were sort of poorly proportioned and their heads seemed too big for their bodies.) I then spent roughly 10 minutes thinking about my own “What If” painting and the sort of ridiculous scenes it would portray, each one more absurd than the first. I’ve decided that the possibilities are pretty much endless. In fact, here's a few I came up with in about 30 seconds:

So this right here, this is a painting that means a lot to me. It’s based on this dream I once had where Ian McKellen was doing lines off Shamu. I call it “What If?”

Yo man, so this is a depiction of Harry Potter tongue kissing Mischa Barton while Barry Bonds beats a hobo to death in the background. Like, “What If?”

This painting is called “What If?” and it was inspired by something I thought about for a long time. Basically, I was just like, man, what if Jesus came back to Earth, but instead of like, saving people and shit, he just went around with a shotgun and killed everyone he saw? This is him blowing off Mark Wahlberg’s face with a 12 gauge. “What if?”

Besides the mounting evidence that I actually did lose my entire reading audience with last week’s admission of obsession with nerdy video games, I am anti…

Missing the Harlem Shakes concert on Saturday night. By all accounts it was a stellar show. And they covered “Kids” by Mgmt. Those bastards. If Jose forgets me after he becomes famous, I'll have to remind him of who I am by showing him that I am not afraid of him and I will beat his ass.

The confident tone in which people proclaim Ryan Howard the NL MVP, as though there were absolutely no debate. Really? Say anything you want about Howard’s power numbers (and they are really quite impressive), but I will simply respond with the following statistics.

Batting Average with Runners in Scoring Position:

Pujols .391
Howard .232

Let’s make it more interesting by applying some more pressure. How about their averages with RISP and 2 outs?

Pujols: .425
Howard: .230

As you can see, Pujols practically embodies the meaning of clutch. I’m not saying that Howard isn’t the MVP (in fact, I’d probably give him my vote at this moment), but it’s not like it’s a done deal or that he’s a runaway candidate. Bernie Miklasz breaks down this debate (along with the Cy Young race) better than me.

The Rams having no offense for the second week in a row. Somebody please explain this to me. Let me list a few names: Jackson, Holt, Bruce, Bulger, Curtis. And now we have Stephen Davis as our backup RB! The weapons are there. What the hell is wrong? I’m at a complete loss. Any thoughts?

I Am Ben Schlamb

2006-09-10T23:52:00.000-04:00

(I'm sure some of you are wondering about the title of this post. Just for some background, Ben Schlamb is a friend of mine from St. Louis. He's probably the nicest person I know. Real stand-up guy. He's the guy who wakes you up at 11 AM after a long night of drinking with two quarter-pounders with cheese with your name on them. That being said, he's sort of infamous among my friends for making plans that he nevers follows through on. It's sort of a long story, but I don't want to bore you.) So, without further ado, I am pro...

False promises and overly ambitious goals. A few of you might remember the "schedule" I set for myself several week ago. I haven’t followed it all. What’s more, despite constant attempts to “remind me” of its existence, well-meaning though they may be, I’m quite aware that I haven’t followed it. In fact, I hate that I ever made it. I’ve even considered removing that entire post in an attempt to hide the shame of failed dreams. But I’m a bigger man than that. Instead, I’ve decided to leave it up there as a mockery to my readers that actually expect me to meet that standard and as an ugly reminder of the perils of ambition. (In my own defense, I made that schedule when I was at home for the summer and couldn’t remember what it was like to have anything to do besides sit in front of a computer. Kind of how when you’re full of food, you can’t imagine ever being hungry again. You know what I mean.)

Rams 18, Broncos 10. Steven Jackson was a beast. Our defense looks invigorated. Jeff "Money" Wilkins continues to live up to his nickname. Our special teams were solid. As my Dad noted, Linehan fixed (at least for the first game) the things that he specifically promised to work on. Now, if only somebody could remind the passing game that it’s supposed to be the anchor of the team. Also, not to pat myself on the back too much, but I totally called this one. Bill Simmons did, too.

Blazing a trail for others. I created this blog after a night of inspiration. It’s only natural that my shining example be followed by others. Whether she knows it or not, I recognize that Mina Kimes is following my example with her recent contribution to the blogosphere. Best of luck to you, Mina.

Reader input. Just thought I'd throw this out there. If you're ever curious about how I feel about something, just ask. I know you might be reluctant to do this in an online format in lieu of something called "an actual conversation," but I'd love suggestions. This way, I can then ignore them along with my "schedule."

The Rams won, but life still manages to occasionally piss me off. I am anti...

The proliferation of groups protesting the mini-feed on facebook. I know, I know. I just made your head fucking explode. I just threw you a Roy Halladay curveball. Your knees straight up buckled beneath you. "But Jim, I thought you hated the mini-feed!?" I do. Very much. In fact, I hated it so much that I up and left the facebook. So why do I also hate all the groups protesting its existence, groups with hundreds of thousands of like-minded individuals? There are several reasons.

-First of all, I didn’t like the whole "use the system to protest the system" thing that was going on. I understand that not everybody is as sweet as me and has the stones to take radical action, but it just seemed sort of lame to create global groups (a recent facebook invention that is universally embraced) to protest their most recent misstep, however grave.

-But mostly, it’s because people actually joined the groups in such huge numbers and reacted with such umbrage (feigned or otherwise). In the sixties and seventies, college students joined groups and took passionate stances on the huge issues of the day. Vietnam. Civil rights. Things like that. And what does our generation think is important to change today? The mini-feed. In the words of one of my suitemates, "this was our revolution." This was what everybody talked about for the last week. This was what got people motivated enough to create groups and petition for change. And it worked. Now we can all sleep easier at night with the knowledge that things are right in the world.

PS: By the way, I couldn’t be happier that I left facebook. It eliminates such a huge time waster from my life. Just to illustrate how negative a force on my life it was, I’ve made a short list of unproductive thoughts that NO LONGER cross my mind during daily life:

"Hmm… I wonder which Faulkner book I should put under my favorites. This one is a clear masterpiece, but the other one is great, though slightly more obscure and with some imperfections. I can’t put both - that’d just be showing off."

"If I list this band under my favorite music, will people think I’m being ironically funny or ironically serious?"

"I can’t wait for Adam to send me those pictures so that I can upload them to the facebook. Not so that I can simply enjoy them. That’d be too self-indulgent. I need everyone I know to see them. And I know they want to see them."

"Can I have a beard in my picture if I don’t currently have a beard? Will people think that’s weird?"

"If I just saw this movie, is it bad form to immediately put it under my favorites?"

And on and on. I shit you not, I haven’t thought about the facebook for this whole weekend. In fact, this is the last time I will ever bring it up.

People telling me to update this more. (I sort of covered this in "false promises and overly ambitious goals," but I just wanted to emphasize this part.) As I’ve already said, the less I update this thing, the more of a life I have. In fact, it’s an incredibly useful tool for deducing exactly how bored I am at any given time. A veritable social barometer, if you will. If I haven’t updated in a while, it means that you should leave your computer and go find me at the library. We can discuss what I’ve been reading that keeps me from updating. Or maybe I’ll be at Rudy’s. I’ll buy you a drink and then smack you if I get the slightest suspicion that you’re about to ask about the blog. Or I’ll be at the Elmhurst. You can call me Jake and think that I actually live there. But most likely, I'll be playing Guitar Hero in my suite (which, incidentally, will be the subject of my next post, entitled "Guitar Hero is the greatest fucking game of all time. Right behind Zelda: Ocarina of Time, I mean" and then subsequently mentioned in the post after that, entitled "Jim Stanley loses reading audience for being huge nerd.")

Quick Update

2006-08-28T00:23:00.000-04:00

This just in: I am pro...

Gary Bennett. What a ridiculous week he's had - I wonder if his shoulders are tired from carrying the entire Cardinals offense. Ironically enough, the only thing I could remember about Bennett before this week is that he once got Albert Pujols so mad that Prince Albert punched him in the face. Right now, he could punch me in the face and I'd say "I love you, Gary Bennett. Please hit me again."

A Message to Mike Jones

2006-08-26T16:58:00.000-04:00

I’m on a roll now. It’s Saturday, which makes it music day. Let’s see what I’m for and against in the world of hip hop. I am pro…

Young Dro’s Girl Having a Girlfriend. Perhaps many of you remember Dro’s infamous line from the ubiquitous single “Shoulder Lean.” (It was my favorite moment of the song along with the first line, in which he matter-of-factly announces “I’m Dro.” So simple. So elegant. So absolutely retarded.) Although Dro is admittedly a terrible rapper, the line “my girl got a girlfriend” captured the imagination and quickly became the summer catchphrase for me and my friends. Having a good night at the Beirut table? Your girl has a girlfriend. Albert Pujols went 3 for 4 with a HR again? His girl most certainly has a girlfriend. Ace that big test? Your girl has about fifteen girlfriends. It also applies to inanimate objects and animals. Fish spit out your line? That trout's girl has a girlfriend. Nice car just drive by? That Bentley's girl has a girlfriend. You get the picture.

Given some deeper thought, though, the concept confuses me. Since popular rap today is all about hype and self-aggrandizement, it stands to reason that one’s girl having a girlfriend is a good thing. But is it really? Is the girlfriend an actual “girlfriend” or just a friend that’s a girl (which has become common usage for the term)? What if she likes the girlfriend better than you? Is she bisexual? A lesbian? I had so many questions for Dro. Luckily for me, it’s been announced that one of the tracks on his forthcoming “Best Thang Smokin’,” will innovatively be entitled “My Girl Got a Girlfriend.” Incredible. His girl truly has a girlfriend.

Bun B being the best rapper alive. Despite Weezy’s pretensions to the throne vacated since “the best rapper retired,” nobody brings it like Bernard Freeman of H-town. And he’s finally getting some recognition. I don’t mean to toot my own horn here, but I’ve been saying this for years. UGK, his project with Pimp C, is practically legendary at this point and is responsible for influencing every Southern rapper currently in existence. His solo albums have been consistently strong.

What makes Bun so special, though, is that he saves his best for guest verses. If you’re any rapper beside Ludacris or Lil Wayne right now, there is no reason why you shouldn’t shell out the dough for a cameo appearance by the King of the Trill. Everything he touches turns to gold. He has the ability to elevate mediocre songs to good ones. (Lil Keke’s “Chunk Up a Deuce,” Webbie’s “Gimme That,” Beyonce’s “Check On It,” T.I.’s “Front Back,” among others.) He will make a good song a spectacular one. (See Juvenile’s “Rock Like That,” Slim Thug’s “3 Kingz,” Paul Wall’s “They Don’t Know,” Mike Jones’ “Know What I’m Sayin,” and his absolutely ruthless verses on T.I.’s “Bezzle,” and Jeezy’s “Trap or Die” that are almost detrimental to their respective songs in that they make everyone else on the track look amateurish.) And not only does he bring it, but he always finds a way to work in his “Free Pimp C” theme (now unnecessary). It’s like a great artist that uses the confines of his medium to make the art even greater and more impressive. I’ll say it again: Bun B is the best rapper alive.

I am anti…

The failure of Mike Jones to release “The American Dream” on time. When “Who Is Mike Jones” dropped, for better or for worse, the rap industry changed. He’s not the first Houston rapper, nor is he the best (far from it, actually), but he was the first to really strike it rich nationwide with that signature Houston sound. I love “Who Is Mike Jones,” although I once did a count and, if I remember correctly, he says his own name 93 times during the course of the album. (And gives out his phone number like 16 times.) What I liked so much was the originality of the beats and the production, and the excellent guest appearances that were sandwiched between Mike’s repetitive tales of candy paint, purple drank, and stains left in the turning lanes of the Houston streets. It didn’t hurt that he had catchy one-liners, too. (One of which appears on a t-shirt of mine.) In the end, “Who Is Mike Jones” wound up being my second-semester sophomore year and summer of 2005 album of choice.

As a master of self-promotion, though, it only made sense that Mike would use the album as the hype machine for his coming album. In fact, the VERY FIRST TRACK on “Who Is Mike Jones” is no more than a shill for future releases. Mike tells the listener to “be on the lookout for my next album, 'The American Dream.'” This was in early 2005. It’s been almost two years at this point. Mike Jones, you’re not Bun B. Stop doing mediocre guest verses on other people’s songs and finish your goddamn album.

PS: 281-330-8004, that’s the number you can hit him on, when you call ask for Mike Jones. And then tell him to finish “The American Dream,” for Christ’s sake.

PPS: While his guest verses are generally pretty nondescript, his finest hour may still have come in a non-album track. I won’t say its name, but if the initials “DDFMN” mean anything to you then you know what I’m talking about.

Yung Joc. He sucks. End of story.

I Care About Soccer

2006-08-26T02:32:00.000-04:00

So it’s become pretty obvious that the number of times I update this thing is inversely proportional to how much of a life I have. (Actually, is that right? Is it inversely? Sounds right.) Anyway, I totally missed the last week by doing my “dance the Midwest” five-states-in-six-hours tour, getting eaten alive by some rash I’ve never seen before while camping, and then by furiously packing for sunny New Haven.

I actually had some thoughts on sports the other day that I didn’t get to put up, so instead of the political roundup (I’m still afraid to approach this one), we’re just gonna do a pro-anti, soccer style. I am pro…

Arsenal advancing to the group stage of the Champions League. You could be wondering why I care, so I’ll explain. A few years ago, I had my interest in soccer rekindled by watching Telemundo on Sunday mornings. However, instead of picking a Mexican or Argentinean team to follow, I opted for one whose matches would be broadcast and reported in my first language. So I looked to England. And as those who love soccer know, Arsenal was in the midst of their Invincibles season when I peeked across the pond. Being the insufferable frontrunner I am, I immediately ran up my colors for the Gunners. And after my girlfriend returned from England with a Thierry Henry replica jersey, the deal was sealed.

But that’s not the only reason I’ve stuck by them. You see, I’ve realized that my support for Arsenal comes so naturally because they are in fact the St. Louis Cardinals of English football. Hear me out now. Both teams have the premier offensive player of the league (Henry and Pujols, respectively). They are perennial contenders that have long and storied histories and numerous titles to their names, yet still run a distant second to the powerhouses (Man U and the Yankees – and to be fair, Arsenal still lags behind Liverpool, which has yet to win the current incarnation of the Premier League, but has more top flight titles). They both have fan bases that extend far beyond the metropolitan area in which they are located. They both have a hapless rival that never seems to enjoy the same level of success (Tottenham and the Chicago Cubs). They both have that classic red and white color combination. Lastly, and my least favorite reason, they both seem to have recently missed shots at the big time what with the Champions League Final this past season and the 2004 World Series and 2005 NLCS. It’s uncanny.

The possibility that St. Louis could get an MLS team. I’ve been pro-MLS for the past few years as the level of play has gotten better. I think the US really does need Major League Soccer for it to have any success on the world stage. (Note: This in no way means that I think the MLS is anywhere near approaching the level of the European or South American leagues. The World Cup reinforced my belief that Landon Donovan as the best MLS player is about on par with a mediocre bench warmer for an English or Italian club. After all, he couldn’t even hack it in Germany. They are improving, though.) Of course, I could only be pro-MLS in concept, because I had nobody to root for. The L.A. Galaxy? Red Bull New York? D.C. United? Real Salt Lake (worst name ever, by the way)? You’ve got to be kidding me.

However, if they give St. Louis a team, I promise to be one of the most loyal supporters it will ever see. I will buy merchandise. I will follow them faithfully. I will learn the names of the players, even if they aren’t that great. I will play up potential rivalries. (Perhaps the Chicago Fire? Or the Kansas City Wizards? Actually, I just hope it’s Real Salt Lake just because I hate their name and I can make jokes about Mormonism. Just kidding, Kwok family. Love you guys.) I will sing songs and chant obscene chants demeaning aforementioned rivals. I will go to games when I can and get drunk and pretend to be British and yell things in a terrible fake accent. (Juan? Jon? Y'all with me?) What I’m saying is that I will totally drink the Kool Aid on this one. And the thing is, I know St. Louis can do at least as well as these other teams. I was watching New York and the Columbus Crew play in the Meadowlands and it looked like there were about 1000 people there, tops. And this was New York! We can do at least that well and certainly better. After all, St. Louis is one of the biggest soccer hotbeds in the United States (if not the biggest). MLS, give us a team already. And see if you can’t lure some big name stars out of retirement while you’re at it. I want a “St. Louis United” shirt with “Beckham” or “Ronaldo” or “Zidane” or even “Figo” on the back. I just got chills thinking about that…

Now here’s what I’m really anti…

David Beckham being dropped from England’s National Squad. Seriously? I could understand his resignation as captain. It makes sense. He’s not in his prime anymore and the team has born leaders in Gerrard, Lampard (except he apparently enjoys sucking terribly during big-time international matches), and Terry waiting in the wings. (By the way: Terry. Excellent choice. England will look back fondly on the John Terry era. Mark my words.) Also, Beckham’s replacement, Aaron Lennon, is lightning fast and clearly makes defenders very uncomfortable when he runs at them. So I understood that. However, dropping him from the team entirely? The man is the most dangerous player in the world when the ball stops. His set pieces are simply sublime. Was anybody watching the World Cup? More specifically, was Steve McClaren watching? Because if he wasn’t, please allow me to present the following statistics to him, along with some visual evidence.

Games won single-handedly by David Beckham in the 2006 World Cup:

Paraguay (first game of group stages): “Own goal” off a free kick, but it was clearly going in no matter what.

Trinidad and Tobago (second game of group stages): Put the ball directly on top of the head of Peter Crouch for the game-winner in the 83^rd minute. And I mean he put it RIGHT ON HIS HEAD.

Ecuador (first knockout round): Beckham set piece goal. Absolutely perfect. And the only goal of the match.

OK, let’s think about this for a sec. England played five games in the World Cup. They won three, drew with Sweden, and lost to Portugal in PKs (for which Beckham was noticeably absent). ALL THREE VICTORIES were delivered by the man in the magic sky-blue shoes. I simply can’t understand it. He doesn’t have to be a starter; I can acknowledge that Lennon has more promise at this point and that Becks simply doesn’t have the legs to go 90. But there wasn’t any room on the bench for a dangerous late game substitute and/or taker of PKs? New look, new attitude, whatever. That’s nonsense. Or as the British say, that’s absolute bollocks.

I Love Jenna Fischer

2006-08-17T15:30:00.001-04:00

Let’s see what the world of television has to offer these days. I am pro…

1. The Office. For almost all my favorite shows, I've been a Johnny-come-lately. Though it's often the case that I only miss the first few episodes, I'm hardpressed to think of any TV show that I've been following since its inception. Not so with NBC's The Office. I remembered Carrell from his stints on The Daily Show and Anchorman. This, combined with a few amusing memories from the BBC version led me to tune in March of last year. And I've never looked back.

The third season isn't even on yet, but I’ve been pre-gaming with past episodes, all of which are on my external hard drive. (Yeah, so what?) Last season, they really dropped a bomb with their final episode. (Every time I see this, I think he’s going to tell her about his transfer, and then that “I’m in love with you” just sort of falls out of his mouth.) I, along with most viewers, was totally stunned. Only one other recent moment where I’ve felt the need to abandon all reservations and scream at my television comes to mind, and that particular moment involved Albert Pujols single-handedly ruining the career of a certain Houston Astros closer. (Go to the two minute mark. It gives me goosebumps. Every time. Especially when they show Pettitte’s awestruck “Oh my God.” I had to work this in somehow.) The Jim-Pam kiss was one of the highlights of my year. But as I was saying, there’s a lot of stuff that needs resolving. A lot. Of stuff.

PS: I want to marry Jenna Fischer, the actress who plays Pam. She's so incredibly appealing, and I can't figure out why exactly. She's definitely attractive, but there's something extra there... must be her St. Louis upbringing.

2. Project Runway. This requires a special thank you to Adda, Robin, Melissa, and Annie, my female housemates from the past year. While I still think “The L Word” is extremely inconsistent and that “Sex and the City” is devoted to the four worst human beings ever dreamed up by a screenwriter, you guys totally sold me on this one. I don’t know a damn thing about fashion, yet the show manages to be consistently interesting and exciting. I actually laughed out loud last week when I saw Bradley attempting to make an outfit inspired by Cher. Completely absurd. Of course, nobody has matched the peerless Santino for sheer drama this season, but that bitch Angela sure gets on my nerves.

3. Deadwood. This season has been absolutely phenomenal. In fact, this season has blown the past season of “The Sopranos” completely out of the water. That’s right, I said it. I’m going to go out on a limb and say that it’s probably my favorite television drama of all time at this point. The dialogue is pure Shakespeare, filtered through the most foulmouthed individuals to ever appear on television. The building tension (which has consisted of minor skirmishes and proxy wars that we are supposed to believe will come to a head next week) between Al Swearengen and George Hearst has been well-executed. No other show could build to an event for so long without me getting bored or anxious.

The acting is what really makes the show great, though. Ian McShane has been superb in the role of the manipulative, multifaceted Al, especially as Al’s role has shifted from camp tyrant to camp savior. (However, if you think he’s lost his edge, you’re sadly mistaken. Just last Sunday, Al sat down with one of Hearst’s agents, a man who had shot at Alma, terrorized Wu, and beaten the hapless Merrick. After a genial conversation, Hearst’s agent informed Al that he seemed like a good man. Al smiled and then proceeded to savagely beat the man for about five minutes before slowly cutting his throat. Nobody fucks with Al Swearengen, and right now, fucking with anyone in Deadwood means you’re fucking with Al.) McShane is spectacular, but he doesn’t have to lift the show alone. Timothy Olyphaunt as Bullock has perfected the “I’m so angry I just shat my own pants” face. (Here, you can see Steve the drunk provoking it on several occasions.) Gerald McRaney (he of “Major Dad” fame) decided that he wanted to be a real actor at age 59 and has nailed it: the megalomaniacal George Hearst with all his frightening eccentricities and sociopathic tendencies has been a scene-stealer this season. John Hawkes continues to impress with his subtly nuanced Sol Star. Powers Boothe exudes raw malice and treachery from every pore. Brad Dourif has been nothing short of excellent as the ailing Doc Cochran. I’ll just stop now because I could literally go on for hours. Seriously. I love Deadwood.

I am anti...

1. The Daily Show’s steadily slipping quality. It pains me to say it, but for the last year, I’ve been consistently more excited for the Colbert Report. Jon Stewart is obviously intelligent, and capable of being hilarious, but he’s running out of times that he can use that same stupid face and voice and get away with it. The correspondents have been a black hole. Ever since the departure of Carrell and Colbert, it has fallen upon Rob Corddry (who, despite his moments, was always the weakest link) and Ed Helms (funny, but a slightly watered down version of Colbert) to carry the load. They can’t do it, and especially not with the “we’re trying SO hard oh god why is Jon Stewart the only one laughing” correspondents they have now.

2. The Hills. I never liked Laguna Beach, so I guess this wasn’t mean to be, either. But it’s not like I didn’t try. I just can’t wrap my head around the idea of glorifying girls who set their makeup guns to “whore” (thanks, Juan) and then prance around their insulated world that allows them no responsibilities whatsoever. I know that a lot of fans will try to explain to me that the show doesn’t necessarily glorify the participants but instead allows people to mock their absurd lives. Maybe. But I can’t help but feel that for millions of girls, these people are role models. And furthermore, at least Laguna Beach was sometimes interesting in that “oh yeah, high school was sort of like that sometimes” way. The Hills just isn’t that compelling.

3. Irene Marie from 8th and Ocean. This one is way too easy. Get a little work done, Irene? I know the season’s over, but just looking at her makes my own face hurt. Jesus.

Seattle

2006-08-15T19:52:00.000-04:00

I am pro...

Having a time and place for everything. With the buffer zone of two days, I took a look back at my last post and realized that perhaps the excitement of having a blog with no readers went to my head a little bit. My pros were like K rations scattered from the top of a UN tank amidst a crowd of starving Somalians. My antis were like the jarring blows of a riot policeman who has begun swinging his Maglite indiscriminately in a throng of hippies. Basically, what I'm trying to say is that my posts need focus. And that's why I'm setting a tentative schedule for myself. Thursday I will dedicate to television, due largely to the fact that The Office will be fresh in my mind and eliciting gushing praise (fingers crossed). Friday, I'll take a stand on political issues. You'll see thought-provoking opinions like "Bush sure is dumb" or "Wow, this whole Iraq thing really got out of hand... never saw that one coming." You know. Real ground breaking stuff. Saturday and Sunday will be devoted to music and sports, respectively. Monday and Tuesday, I'll probably be too lazy to post anything, but if I'm not, it'll be a free-for-all. Finally, I've dedicated Wednesday to film, literature, theater, the arts, etc. So don't expect anything on Wednesday, either.

So now that I've gotten that out of the way, I'm going to take a fond look back at my last two weeks of vacation in Seattle. I am pro...

1. Bellevue, Washington. My Dad's folks live here, and for as long as I can remember, we've been going up here for summers and the occasional Christmas. When I say I'm going to Seattle, what I really mean is that I'm going to Bellevue, which is just a car ride across Lake Washington from the real deal. When we first started visiting, it was just another suburb, albeit a pretty big one. Over the years, I've watched Bellevue grow into the fifth-largest city in Washington. And it actually has become a city in its own right. This year, there were several high rise buildings under construction that will add to an increasingly impressive skyline. The city is very pedestrian-friendly. It's 20% Asian AND it's getting the first Neiman Marcus in the Pacific Northwest (thanks Wikipedia), two facts that have absolutely nothing to do with one another. There are good restaurants. Finally, there were hipsters, hippies, and faux-goths wandering the streets at night, which, as everyone knows, is the hallmark of a real city. Congratulations, Bellevue. It's been a pleasure growing up with you.

2. The West Coast. I think their whole laid-back, outdoorsy casual thing is lame. But they're very liberal, which I like, and it's not the kind of liberalism that is full of disdain for "backwards Red States." (New England and the Mid-Atlantic, I'm looking at you.) Instead, it's based on a genuine concern for others. At least, that's the vibe I've always received. (Note: when I say "The West Coast," I'm referring primarily to Seattle, Portland, and San Francisco, the cities with which I have the most familiarity. When it comes to SoCal, all bets are off.) But what always pushes me over the edge is the abundance of multiracial, multi-ethnic people. Beautiful, just beautiful. My old man is always saying that race will slowly cease to be a problem in this country as more people intermarry and date. He's certainly done his part. And I believe what he says more and more with each trek out west.

3. Clam Chowder in the Pacific Northwest. It's absolutely delicious. In fact, it was so good that I ate it with or as my dinner every night for a week. Dare I say that it rivals New England for consistent quality? I dare.

Of course, not everything about Seattle made me happy. Life's not all fun and games. I am anti...

1. The Seattle Sonics leaving for Oklahoma. I know the official stance of new owner Clay Bennett has been that he will do what he can to keep them in Seattle, but everyone knows that's a bunch of bullshit. The city is absolutely crushed by the prospect that they could (read: will) lose their NBA team. The outcry has been loud, and incredibly, there has been an outpouring of support for the WNBA Storm as well. Apparently, people actually go to WNBA games in Seattle, which simply reinforces the fact that they deserve a pro basketball team. Virtually every day the Seattle Times or Post-Intelligencer (it sounds like I made that name up, doesn't it?) runs a story on the issue. Being from St. Louis, there's never been an NBA team in my lifetime, so I've always rooted for the Sonics. I feel their pain, which leads me to my next target...

2. Starbucks. I don't really like coffee, but that's not why I don't want people buying anything from the cappucino colossus. The previous owner of the Sonics, Howard Schultz, was Chairman of Starbucks. I'm not angry simply because he sold them; apparently he was losing money. However, he failed to sell them to a Seattle based ownership group. When you're the owner of a team in your hometown (Schultz was born in Brooklyn, but he's lived in Seattle for years), you have an obligation to find someone that will keep them there. It's your civic duty. And it's not like he was really losing that much money anyway because ownership was spread out among his family and business partners. What a dick. Don't go to Starbucks. Go to Tullys, Seattle's Best, Panera, whatever. (Especially Tully's; apparently, my family owns some stock.) Just no more Starbucks. I can't stand supporting a company owned by someone who would straight D his own city - a city that has been instrumental to his success in life - right in the face.

3. The Cincinnati Reds. You're probably wondering what this has to do with Seattle. The answer: absolutely nothing. I'm just watching the Cardinals game right now and I can't think of anything else that really bothered me on vacation. Seattle was great; I wasn't anti-anything except for the whole Sonics situation, and that wasn't really beef with the city. You might also be wondering why I've dedicated the last few topics to sports when I said that I would do sports on Sundays. Shut up.

Inspiration

2006-08-13T21:52:00.000-04:00

True story:

I had a dream last night. In my dream, I was trying to fall asleep in my old room in St. Louis. It was well past midnight and I was having trouble. Just as I was getting comfortable in the bottom bunk, I heard a rumbling murmur from outside. At first I ignored it, but the noise got progressively louder. I got up and went to the window. People were gathering outside my house. Hundreds. Thousands. They were packed on my front yard and backed up my street as far as the eye could see. Not just any people, either. Among the masses were bona fide celebrities from all walks of life. Bill Clinton. Thom Yorke. Derek Jeter. William Shatner. (I think that particular one must have been brought about by all those stupid Comedy Central roast commercials.) I think I even saw Ulysses S. Grant near the back. I went to the door and walked outside while they stared at me in silence.

Me: Um, can I help you?

Mob (in unison): We want to know what you think.

Me: Jesus Christ, keep it down. My parents are trying to sleep and they’ll go batshit if you wake them up.

Mob: Sorry.

Me: Yeah… anyway, what do you mean?

Mob: We want to know what you think about things. About everything. You’re a smart guy.

Me: Thanks, but can’t you be a little more specific?

(At this point, Bill Murray, who I guess the mob nominated as spokesman - good choice - stepped forward.)

Bill: What about life are you enjoying right now? What’s really bothering you? What do you spend your time thinking about?

Me: Aw man, tons of stuff. There are so many things that I could start with…

Bill: Well, other people want to know.

Me: So, what? I’m supposed to tell them constantly? Sounds incredibly annoying.

Bill: Naw, man. Get a blog.

Me: Blogs? I absolutely hate blogs. Nothing could be lamer.

Bill: This one won’t be.

Me: Uh, OK. Why not?

Bill: It will be simple. You’ll just list things that you like and dislike and say why. It’ll be great.

Me: Oh, you mean like what those girls I hate do on their facebook “about me” section?

Bill: Exactly, except that they’re really lame and like lame things. You’re awesome.

Me: OK.

Bill: So it’s settled. I can’t wait to read it.

(He turned and started walking back to the silent crowd.)

Me: Hey Bill, wait a sec… I have so many questions...

Bill: Yeah?

Me: Well, for starters, what the hell happened in that movie “Stripes” you were in? It’s like two different movies. I don’t get it.

Bill: Seriously? That’s your question? Uh, I’m gonna go now. And one more piece of advice: don’t write all this out. Nobody wants to read this.

Me: OK, thanks man.

(I started walking towards the door, but then I turned back to the crowd and pulled a White House lawn Nixon.)

Me: I’M GETTING A BLOG!

Mob: YEAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!

And then my Dad came outside and whacked me with a Louisville Slugger.